


the space between insane and insecure

by sumomomochi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Chronic Illness, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Dick Pics, GOTHGOTH kylo, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, POV Alternating, Recreational Drug Use, Sexting, Sexual Fantasy, Shotgunning, Underage Drinking, Youtuber AU, catholic hux, jewish kylo, some light edging, the knights of ren, youtuber kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-05 04:32:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17318156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumomomochi/pseuds/sumomomochi
Summary: Kylo is so different from Armitage it’s not even funny. It’s not just that Kylo’s parents are okay with him being queer (though the vlogs of him and his mom are always hilarious, sound effects covering the single syllable of his real name as they give each other shit). It’s not just that Kylo is so sure of himself (though the aggressive confidence he has is inspiring). It’s not that he’s glamourous with his involved looks, or that he’s so outspoken against queerphobia, or that he’s fucking beautiful.It’s that Kylo is real and Armitage is not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay here we go!! im not qqqquite done with this one but ive only got three scenes left if it takes me longer than a month to finish this last chapter those scenes spun WILDLY out of control and spawned like an extra 30k which, knowing me, might still happen, but if it does i doubt yall are gonna be mad about it lol
> 
> this one is based off [this here prompt](https://softkyluxkinks.tumblr.com/post/173668905565/in-front-of-his-father-17-year-old-hux-pretends-to) just w some minor adjustments so i could do a porn and satisfy my kink for more loss of virginity fic. updates will be saturdays w two chapters at a time, until i reach the double digits coz the even chapters are real short and im not that mean. fair warning about like, some angst and brendol being a dick and shit, but there will be a happy ending have no fear

“Congratulations Starkiller. You won the big one.” Kylo pops a little party popper and streamers explode at the camera. “Shoot me a message from the email you used to sign up for the giveaway and we’ll hash out the details.”

The video plays on as Armitage buries his face in his hands and panics, Kylo’s deep voice listing off the other, minor winners. It’s the day of the drawing and apparently Kylo thought it’d be best to just _post_ and make a huge fucking deal out of it. Armitage was expecting an email back so he could deny his prize before Kylo made a whole video on it.

He wasn’t expecting to _win_.

What the fuck is he going to do?

\---

Armitage had first found Kylo’s videos through one on tumblr, titled “F*CK PEOPLE WHO LOOK DOWN ON YOU FOR BEING WEIRD | a queer rant” and was enraptured by this angry goth kid, hardly older than himself, going off on the idea that you have to pretend to be something you’re not in order to be considered _normal_. He had clicked through to one of his other videos and watched him do his makeup, talking about how meditative doing his makeup feels, how being able to change his appearance in any way he wants with makeup made him accept his odd features. Next was one where he unboxed a frankly ridiculous amount of clothing from some website and got so excited over one thing in particular that he stripped off his shirt and put a new one on, right there in front of the camera. Armitage was enamoured with him immediately. 

Kylo is so different from Armitage it’s not even funny. It’s not just that Kylo’s parents are okay with him being queer (though the vlogs of him and his mom are always hilarious, sound effects covering the single syllable of his real name as they give each other shit). It’s not just that Kylo is so sure of himself (though the aggressive confidence he has is inspiring). It’s not that he’s glamourous with his involved looks, or that he’s so outspoken against queerphobia, or that he’s fucking beautiful.

It’s that Kylo is real and Armitage is not.

\---

Armitage’s excuse of _I’m focusing on my studies_ has run out now that he’s taking a gap year between high school and university. He’s _this close_ to asking Phasma to be his beard, even though she lives in the UK still, even though they’ve never actually met in person. He’s not sure his father would respect or even understand an internet relationship though, so that might not even work.

\---

In one of his most recent videos, three before the announcement of the giveaway, Kylo says he’s a couple months shy of turning twenty. The giveaway is in celebration of his birthday.

Armitage thinks, _he’s not much older than me_ , and his fantasies spiral out of control.

\---

Kylo would never in a million years go for Armitage, who would wear oversized t-shirts and leggings twenty-four-seven if his father would let him. Armitage’s shirts are always a little too big and he constantly has to pull up his trousers, his skin too tender half the time for a belt to actually do anything. Kylo is always perfectly put together. Kylo always looks like a goth model, his hair styled and his make up pristine and his outfit on point. Armitage has never seen any proof that Kylo is capable of being unattractive, even in the occasional picture he posts of himself in the bath, his hair wet and flat and his face flushed with heat. Armitage looks like a goblin on picture day in comparison, his hair slicked back in the only way his father will let him keep it long, in a button up that doesn’t fit, grimacing at the camera.

\---

[THE GOLDEN YEAR | a birthday 1v1 meet and greet giveaway](%E2%80%9C%E2%80%9D)

It’s Tuesday which means Kylo puts out a new video and the title of this one makes Armitage’s heart leap to his throat. What if he _won_?

“This giveaway will be a little different from my previous giveaways,” Kylo says. “I won’t be using a number generator. It’ll instead be based off who writes the best essay about their queer experience. I’ll go through them and pick my favourites. The winner gets to spend a day with me.”

He then lists off the stipulations. Armitage can do this. English was always his best subject.

~~He’s terrified. He’s never come out to anyone before.~~

\---

“Well, you’re gay, right?” Phasma asks. Armitage chokes on the drink of water he just took, sputtering. He shushes her more aggressively than is strictly necessary. 

“ _No_ ,” he whispers, fingers flying on his keyboard.

**StarKiller**  
Don’t tell anyone.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
your secret’s safe with me, general

**StarKiller**  
What gave me away?

She gestures in the video call, making a face.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
your everything  
im gay too you know  
i can practically smell it on you

“Gross,” Armitage says.

“Well, it’s true!” Phasma laughs.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
i can just tell, you know?  
i don’t think mitaka knows

**StarKiller**  
Mitaka’s fucking oblivious.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
tru  
thannison might have an inkling but he probably won’t say anything  
we don’t care, you know

**StarKiller**  
I know.  
It’s just  
hard.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
your parents not too keen on it?

**StarKiller**  
That’s an understatement.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
that sucks

**StarKiller**  
Yeah.

\---

_I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia when I was sixteen. My first thought was “Great, another thing that makes me weird.” I had already known that I was gay for two years by then, having long since realized the reason I was so fixated on a schoolmate in grade eight was because I had a crush on him._

_It’s easier to tell people I have an invisible genetic disorder that makes everything hurt all the time than it is to tell people I’m gay._

_You’re the first._

\---

**StarKiller**  
How do I talk to my famous crush?

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
preferably like a human

**StarKiller**  
 _I’m_ not a human.  
I’m a goblin in a people suit.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
you’re overthinking it  
it’ll be fine

**StarKiller**  
I can’t even email him to accept the fucking prize!  
I’ve been trying all morning and I just  
can’t.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
you’re such a disaster gay

**StarKiller**  
Ugh.

\---

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: armitagehux@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: Giveaway

|

\---

It’s two in the morning. His parents are most definitely asleep. Armitage is face down on his bed, fingers knuckle deep in his arse, slick with the lube he nicked from the pharmacy a two mile walk from his house. He’s thinking of Kylo plowing into him. Someone once asked him how tall he is in an AMA and Kylo had replied _Six-foot-three_. He’s taller than even Hux by a few inches and so much broader. It follows that he has a massive dick. Armitage _really_ wants it in him.

He’ll never get the chance.

\---

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: armitagehux@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: Giveaway

|

\---

He always thinks of sending Kylo fanmail. Kylo mentions his P.O. box the outro to every video. He could do it, could nick a stamp from Maratelle and send a letter.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t know what he would even _say_.

~~Hi, I’m Armitage and I obsessively watch all your videos even though I have no interest in makeup or the goth subculture.~~

~~Hi, I’m Armitage and I masturbate to thoughts of your hopefully massive cock.~~

~~Hi, I’m Armitage and I’m a sad, lonely boy who wishes we could be friends.~~

\---

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: armitagehux@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: Giveaway

Hi, Kylo, it’s StarKiller. I didn’t think I’d even win. How is this going to work?

TO: armitagehux@gmail.com  
FROM: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: Giveaway

hey starkiller. like i said in my video, the plan is, if youre comfortable with it, you give me your city and i fly out and you spend the day showing me around.

~kylo

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: armitagehux@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: Giveaway

We already live in the same city. At least, according to your P.O. box.

TO: armitagehux@gmail.com  
FROM: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: Giveaway

oh man, that makes it easy! do you live in the city proper or are you out in the suburbs somewhere?

~kylo

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: armitagehux@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: Giveaway

I live up in Everett actually, but it’s easy enough for me to bus into Seattle.

TO: armitagehux@gmail.com  
FROM: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Giveaway

if you’re all the way up there we should meet at the katsuburger in alderwood. they’re amazing. then we can like, be stupid teenagers and wander around the mall. what days work best for you?

~kylo

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: armitagehux@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Giveaway

Weekdays in the morning work best for me. I have to be home by five.

TO: armitagehux@gmail.com  
FROM: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Giveaway

you’re not a student playing hookie right?

~kylo

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: armitagehux@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Giveaway

No, I graduated at the start of summer. 

TO: armitagehux@gmail.com  
FROM: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Giveaway

okay good. you had me worried there for a moment lol. how does the fifth sound?

~kylo

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: armitagehux@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Giveaway

That works for me.

\---

It’s real. _He’s_ real, and by proximity, Armitage is too.


	2. Chapter 2

Starkiller isn’t what Ben expects. He thought they’d be at least tangentially goth. Instead, a lanky, nervous looking redhead in yoga pants, boots, and a peacoat walks up to him. Ben was watching the door. He saw the redhead spot him and freeze so Ben knows they’re Starkiller before they even opens their mouth. He makes eye contact and grins, standing to shake.

Starkiller’s hands are cold and slender, and they introduces themself with, “Er, hi. I’m Armitage.”

Ben has spent the past three months, since he conceived this giveaway, debating on if he was going to give his actual name to the winner. He’s still hasn’t decided, not until he says, “Ben, but I suppose you already know who I am,” like _that’s_ not pretentious at all. It can’t be helped though; he’s struck dumb by how _pretty_ Starkiller is, looking like an androgynous, bougie hipster with a sweater on under their peacoat and a fucking _British accent_.

He points at the menu board over the register and says, “Go ahead and get anything you want.”

Starkiller hesitates, eyes on Ben for a long moment before they shift their gaze to the menu. They step up to the counter and order conservatively. Ben steps up next to them and adds his own burger to the order, tacking on nori fries and their weird, flavour-of-the-week shake. It’s caramel apple. 

Ben pays. Starkiller lets him lead the way back to the table he had claimed, sitting opposite of him.

“So, uh,” Ben starts. “First things first: your pronouns?”

Starkiller looks a little surprised at that. Ben wonders if they’ve ever been asked that question before. Starkiller shrugs a little and says, “He-him.”

“Cool,” Ben says. “Same.”

“I know. I’ve seen your video on it,” Starkiller says, lips quirked up just a bit. Not much can make Ben feel like he’s said something stupid; he’s spent the last four years honing his charisma and actually makes _money_ off talking, but something about Starkiller’s little smirk makes Ben have to fight a flush. He wants to _impress_ this person and he doesn’t quite get why.

(That’s a lie. He thinks Starkiller is stupidly pretty, but he just graduated highschool and he’s a viewer and Ben is _really not_ the type to creep on his viewers, _especially not_ the barely legal ones.)

“Why’d you pick me?” Starkiller asks, right off the bat, with only a beat of hesitation, changing the subject entirely.

“Uh, fuck,” Ben says, scrambling to get his thoughts in order. “I’ve never been the first person someone’s come out to before. It felt… special, you know? Plus you’re like, really good at writing. Yours was shorter than most but it packed a punch and I just knew in my gut that it’d be the best one.”

“So I won because of a gut feeling?” Starkiller asks, that little smirk turning self deprecating, his eyes downcast. He twiddles his thumbs on the tabletop. Ben wants to reach over and put his hand on Armitage’s, wants to touch him _so bad_ , because this is fate, right? The blindbox winner of his giveaway being a wet dream come true has _got_ to be fate.

(If Ben is the first one he’s come out to, it follows that he’s a virgin, and Ben is way more into that than he has any right to be.)

Ben shrugs, watching Starkiller’s thumbs instead of his sad smile, and says, “It was right. Yours was the best. Everyone I showed it to agreed.” Ben chances a glance up just in time to see Armitage’s lips tighten. Ben stumbles to reassure him, saying, “Just, just my family. My mom and my uncle. That’s all. They helped me narrow down the winners.”

Armitage doesn’t say anything. Ben bites his lip, then quietly asks something stupid.

“Have you—does anyone else know?”

Armitage grimaces before saying, “One of my friends figured it out but no one else.”

“Oh,” Ben says, then, “Sorry.” He sucks on his lip ring before adding, “Thank you. For trusting me.”

“I didn’t think anything would come of it,” Armitage says, shrugging with one shoulder, gaze still firmly on the table between them. Ben has never wanted to kiss someone more. Armitage _needs_ it, needs someone to care. Ben can tell that Armitage doesn’t have many truly caring relationships in his life.

Armitage looks up, his pale eyes piercing, and says, “You’re not… all done up.”

Ben laughs a little at the abrupt change in subject, really enjoying how direct Starkiller is.

“I wasn’t about to do a full face of makeup to come _here_ ,” he says. “Not when I know what’s coming.”

As if on queue, an employee comes out with their food and Starkiller stares in horror at his burger.

“That’s practically as big as my head,” he says, incredulous. Ben laughs some more.

“They’re really good though,” he promises. “Just. Messy.”

Ben watches Starkiller pick up his burger and take a dubious bite, looking like he thinks it’ll bite him back.

“Good, huh?” Ben asks, grinning.

Armitage licks tonkatsu sauce off his full upper lip with a quick peek of his tongue, eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m going to make an absolute mess,” he says. Ben’s grin spreads across his face.

“Yeah, probably,” he says. “That’s why I don’t wear a full face of makeup when I come here.”

His piercings are going to be sticky with sauce probably until he washes his face tonight but it’s so worth it for the way Armitage devours his burger, wiping his mouth clean with a growing pile of napkins, the loose sleeves of his sweater pushed up to his elbows. Ben makes quick work of his burger too, knowing it’s easier to just cram it all into his face than to try and set it down to do anything else, but he doesn’t make quite the mess Armitage does.

“That was the messiest fucking thing I have ever eaten,” Armitage grouses when he’s done, sucking sauce off the heel of his palm.

Ben pops the last of his burger into his mouth, then asks, “But it was good, huh?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Armitage says, wrinkling his nose. “Have you no manners?”

“Nope,” Ben says, grinning. “My mom hates it.”

Armitage rolls his eyes and Ben thinks, _I’m fucked_. Armitage desperately needs a hug but he’s a bit of a dick too and Ben _really_ likes it. 

“You never answered the question,” Ben needles. Starkiller heaves a sigh, like Ben is deeply inconveniencing him.

“It was indeed good,” he says. Ben grins around the straw of his shake, all teeth.

His shake is also very good. He doesn’t think twice about holding it out towards Armitage, giving it a little wiggle as he says, “Wanna taste?”

Armitage blushes and Ben has to bite his tongue to keep from flirting, even more so when Armitage glowers up at him from under his brows and takes the shake from him like he’s accepting some devious challenge. Ben can’t help but bite his lip ring as he watches Armitage wrap his lips around the straw and suck, pale eyes boring into Ben, brows pulled together angrily. It’s cute.

Scratch that. It’s extremely fucking hot, unfairly hot. Armitage shouldn’t be allowed to be this hot, with his sharp collarbone peeking out of the collar of his sweater and his thin wrists and elegant fingers. He has the faintest dusting of freckles along his forearms, leftover from the summer. Ben wants to know where else he has those freckles, if they’re along his shoulders and down his chest.

(He just wants to see this guy naked, wants to press his lips against Armitage’s pulse points and touch him all over.)

Armitage swallows and pulls his lips from the straw, handing the shake back. Ben immediately puts the straw back into his mouth, stupidly desperate to put his mouth where Armitage’s was. He takes another drink and sets it to the side casually, like he didn’t just indirectly kiss Armitage, then nudges the fries over. Armitage eyes him dubiously, lips pursed, then takes one. Ben crams three into his mouth to keep from saying anything stupid.

He should say _something_ though, so he asks, “Are you in college?” It’s the least stupid thing he can think of. Armitage’s essay left him with a lot of questions.

“No,” Armitage says, taking another fry. He holds it to his lips as he adds, “I don’t know what I want to study yet.”

“Ah, that’s fair,” Ben says. He laughs a little at himself then leans in, asking conspiratorially, “Can I let you in on a secret?”

Armitage mirrors him, munching on fries.

“I’m putting it off too because I’m too much of a chicken shit to move out,” Ben says, voice low. 

A grin blossoms on Armitage’s face, beautiful like nothing else.

“You know, you _can_ live at home and go to college at the same time,” he teases.

Ben shrugs and says, “Yeah, but then I can’t go to one of the really good design schools.”

“I should have known you’d want to be an artist,” Armitage says. Ben snickers.

“I wanna do special effects. Production design and shit,” Ben tells him. He hasn’t even told his mom this; she keeps trying to convince him to go into polisci like her, says he has the charisma to make a difference, but he’s a weird goth so there’s no way he could actually get elected to do anything.

Armitage smiles at him and says, “You’d be good at it. Your Halloween costumes are always spectacular.”

“Thanks,” Ben says, ducking his head sheepishly as his cheeks heat up. “You’d probably do well as an English major.”

“And what, precisely, do you do with a BA in English?”

Ben cackles, too loud for the little restaurant, surprised at Armitage’s snark, even though he probably shouldn’t be.

“Fair point,” he says, grinning. He suggests, “Polisci? You seem like you’d be a good politician.”

Armitage raises his chin, looking down his nose at where Ben is slouched, haughty, and says, “I am a very good orator.”

“I have no idea what that means,” Ben tells him, playing dumb so he can see Armitage actually self-assured.

“I’m good at giving speeches,” Armitage clarifies smugly, just like Ben thought he would.

“See, you’re halfway to being a politician already,” Ben says, flashing Armitage a double thumbs up. Armitage smiles, looking pleased at the compliment.

“Maybe,” he says and takes another fry.

“So, um,” Ben asks, “what do you do in your free time?”

Armitage’s cheeks go pink and he shoots back, “Isn’t this so I can ask _you_ a bunch of horribly invasive questions?”

“Naw,” Ben says, stretching out one leg to knock the toe of one winklepicker against Armitage’s ankle. “It’s just us. Hanging out and shit.”

Ben takes some more fries and stuffs them in his mouth, casually, acting innocent, as though he didn’t totally try to play footsie. (He bets Armitage would just fucking kick him in the shin and be done with it if they played footsie, and Ben somehow thinks that’d be cute as shit.) Armitage doesn’t move his foot.

“I write,” he says, shrugging, “and I play D&D. Nothing terribly interesting.”

Ben can taste the _nothing terribly useful_ in Armitage’s words. His parents must be complete _dicks_ to make Armitage think that. He’s seen how good Armitage’s writing is. It’s a shame no one’s really encouraged him with it.

“What do you write?” Ben asks, tapping his toes against Armitage’s ankle again for punctuation.

Armitage flushes and mumbles, “Fanfic.”

Ben grins. That’s fucking cute. He should have expected something like that when Armitage said he writes. Ben lowers his voice and asks, “Is it dirty?”

Armitage covers his face with his hands, his ears sticking out bright red under his hair. Ben cackles and crows, “It is!” He leans in and whispers, “Is it about me?”

“No,” Armitage snaps, bringing his hands down to glare at Ben. He’s still so red, so Ben feels it’s safe to assume that maybe, _maybe_ he has, even if he won’t admit to it. Armitage continues, saying, “RPF is… invasive.”

“What do you write, then?” Ben asks, cocking his head.

Armitage sighs and says, “Star Trek, recently.”

Ben grins.

“Nice,” he says. He wants to reach over and take hold of Armitage’s hands, hold them until they’re warm.

“How’d you get into—” Armitage gestures at Ben, “—all that?”

“Being goth?” Ben asks. Armitage nods and Ben shrugs, saying, “I’ve always been into the macabre. Hot Topic lured me in with a Nightmare Before Christmas display when I was like, twelve, I think? Maybe thirteen, and I made my mom bring me back to buy me a whole new wardrobe like, immediately. Shocked the hell out of all my teachers.”

Armitage is smiling by the end of Ben’s little speech. 

“That’s cute,” Armitage says, and Ben _preens_. Armitage continues, saying, “I don’t think I’ve ever been into a Hot Topic.”

“Not even with your friends?” Ben asks. 

Armitage’s smile is sad and a little strained. He says, “No,” with such finality that Ben has to drop it, refuses to press and make him admit what Ben fears.

“Well, we’ll stop by the one in Alderwood today, if you want,” Ben says. “It’s not as good as it used to be, but they’re carrying knockoff Killstar stuff now, so it’s not as fully saturated with pop culture.”

Armitage checks the watch strapped around his slender wrist, frowns, and says, “I should actually probably head home.”

“What? It’s nowhere near close to five!” Ben protests. Armitage just glares at him.

“Yeah, and it took me nearly two hours to bus here.”

Ben slouches in his chair, pink cheeked because he doesn’t want this afternoon to be over. He taps the toes of one foot against Armitage’s ankle again and says, “I could drive you home, if you wanted.”

“I can’t ask you to go out of your way like that,” Armitage sighs.

“You’re not asking; I’m offering,” Ben says, scowling at Armitage. “The polite thing to do would be accept.”

“What do you know about being polite?” Armitage grouses, sour. Ben tries not to smile, he really does, but how Armitage is grumpy and petty and _mean_ is too fucking cute. Armitage frowns at him and snaps, “Don’t smile, you arse. I’m _insulting_ you!”

“Yeah, but it was cute,” Ben says, unable to help himself.

Armitage leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his thin chest, staring hard at the floor next to their table. He says, “I’m not cute.”

“Would you rather I say you’re hot? ‘Cause you are,” Ben says, unable to help himself. Armitage acts like no one’s said anything nice about him before.

He proves Ben’s point by snapping, “Don’t fucking lie to me.”

Ben opens his mouth then pauses, not knowing where to _start_ with how wrong that is.

“Hah!” Armitage laughs triumphantly, bitterly. “You hesitated. Liar.”

“Look,” Ben says, “you just graduated high school. I’m gonna be twenty. I don’t want to creep on you.”

“I’m not _that_ young,” Armitage sulks. “I turn nineteen in January.”

“Oh,” Ben says. That.. changes things. “Can this be a date then?”

“What?” Armitage asks, going red again.

“This,” Ben says, gesturing between them. “I’m asking if this can retroactively be a date.”

“No, I, I _heard_ you.” He buries his face in his hands, so very pink, and groans. “Absolutely not,” he answers finally.

Ben would be willing to bet that Armitage thinks he’s attractive in kind. He comes across tsundere enough. Ben knows enough to not push it though; he’s one of two people Armitage has told that he’s gay. Armitage is probably nervous. He can understand that.

“Can I at least drive you home?” he asks instead. Armitage nods slowly into his hands but doesn’t sit up, doesn’t look at him. Ben reaches out and taps him on the top of his head, asking, “You okay?”

“You’re not supposed to think I’m _hot_ ,” Armitage says. “I’m a _goblin_.”

Ben cackles and says, “But a very cute one.”

Armitage folds until his forehead rests against the table and groans, “Are we going to the mall or not?”

\---

**StarKiller**  
Fuck me, Phasma.  
Just.  
Fuck me.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
oh?  
have fun on your little date?

**StarKiller**  
He legitimately asked me if this could be an actual, for real date.  
Because I’m “hot”.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
did you go for it?

**StarKiller**  
Of course not!  
I can’t go on a _date_ with my favourite youtuber.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
why not?

**StarKiller**  
Well, for one, he’s a guy.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
and? you’re gay  
he’s gay too right?

**StarKiller**  
I’m in fucking Narnia is what I am.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
lol

**StarKiller**  
Oh fuck he’s looking at me.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
what are you doing texting me when you’re still with your celebrity crush??

**StarKiller**  
HE SAID I’M HOT, PHASMA.  
I HAD TO TELL SOMEBODY.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
man don’t @ me  
just fucking kiss him or some shit.

“Who’re you texting?” Kylo teases. They are, thankfully, on the way back to Armitage’s house, where Armitage can suffer in peace. The mall had been interesting. Kylo had dragged him through the food court immediately into the Hot Topic. It was fine. It was definitely more up Kylo’s aisle than his, but he enjoyed poking around looking at the nerdy shit. Then they had walked through, stopping in the Sephora where Kylo bought new eyeliner, then up to the Lush where Kylo had made him smell everything, asking him invasive questions to try to figure out his scent map. Kylo had made him pick a bath bomb, which sits nestled in a bag in his lap.

Then he had insisted they get ice cream, even though he had a shake with lunch.

“A friend,” Armitage tells him, not looking over. Kylo laughs. It’s one of Armitage’s favourite sounds and he still can’t believe _he’s_ the cause. “It’s the next left.”

Kylo makes the turn, then Armitage can feel his eyes on him. He presses, “What are you talking about?”

Armitage flushes. He can see the shit eating grin spread across Kylo’s face out of the corner of his eye.

“Me?” he asks, sounding delighted.

“Piss off,” Armitage grouses.

Kylo _laughs_ , like he genuinely thinks Armitage being a dick is _funny_. Like it’s _cute_. Armitage doesn’t fucking believe him. How could he? He’s not _cute_ , he’s an _arsehole_ , prickly and sharp and too mean for his own good. He can count the number of people who’ve stuck by him on one hand. He plays D&D with them on Sundays. 

“It’s this house coming up on the corner,” Armitage says. “The ugly blue one.”

Kylo’s eyes flick back over to him. He’s still smiling. He looks so fucking _happy_ , handsome and sweet.

“You know, that doesn’t narrow it down much,” he says. Armitage rolls his eyes, though it’s true; about half his neighborhood is some shade sad, pale blue-grey. Kylo still pulls into the right drive then gasps, “You have a cat!”

Millicent is sitting in the front window, catloafed in a watery sunbeam. 

“Yes?” Armitage says, unsure. Kylo looks over at him.

“Can I come in and pet them?” he asks, soulful eyes round and beseeching. 

Armitage has to look away, glancing at his watch to cover how flustered Kylo makes him. It’s only a little past four. His parents don’t usually get home until five at the earliest, so he shrugs and says, “Alright.”

Kylo puts his car in park and the two of them climb out. Millicent is waiting right inside the front door and, without thinking, Armitage croons, “Did you miss me, darling girl?” She chirps, bumps her face against Armitage’s offered fingers, and then trots over to where her favourite toy lays on the floor of the front room. 

“You match,” Kylo says, shutting the door behind him. Armitage stands up straight, turning back to look at him. Kylo’s grinning—Armitage has never seen him _smile_ so much; usually he’s much more pouty. It makes Armitage’s heart flutter wildly around his chest to know that Kylo is, at the very least, at ease with him.

~~Maybe even likes being around him.~~

Armitage pretends he’s not blushing. He strips out of his coat and Kylo does the same, lying it over the back of the couch. Armitage very carefully does not watch him, leading the way around the couch to the front room, where Millie sits with her toy looking expectant. 

“Well,” he says. “Have at it.”

Kylo huffs a laugh and just plops his arse down on the floor in front of Millie, holding out his hand the way you do with pets. She sniffs his fingers for a long moment, seeming dubious.

“Yeah, you smell Gary, don’t you?” Kylo asks, his voice going cutesy. He looks up at Armitage and adds, in a normal tone, “My mom’s dog.”

“I know,” Armitage says. “I do watch your videos, you know.”

Kylo’s grin goes a little soft as Millicent finally rubs her face against his hand. He turns back to her, scratching her little orange head. He’s unbearably cute like this, this tall, muscular goth sitting on Armitage’s floor to pet his cat. Armitage sits on the couch behind them, trying hard not to blush as he watches them. He can’t fucking _believe_ that Kylo _fucking_ Ren is sitting on his floor playing with his cat, that they practically went on a date, that Kylo _asked_ for it to be a _real date_.

Millie pulls away from Kylo’s fingers and smacks a paw against the feathery end of her stick toy. Kylo snorts and picks it up. Armitage can’t help but smile as Kylo entices Millie into spinning in fast circles, claws scrabbling at the carpet as she tries to catch her toy. Kylo laughs an honest to God giggle and it is _cute_. Armitage can’t fucking stand it.

It doesn’t take Millie long to flop onto her side, worn out. Kylo keeps wiggling the toy at her, but leans back against the couch, shoulder against Armitage’s legs. He’s so fucking _warm_. Armitage is going to think about that the next time he wanks, just Kylo’s big, strong, _warm_ body pressed against him, then he’s very firmly going to pretend he _didn’t_ because he’s met Kylo in person now and jerking off to thoughts of him would be _weird_.

Kylo drops the toy then scoots up to sit on the couch with Armitage. He’s far too close, the two of them pressed together from thigh to shoulder.

“I want to kiss you,” Kylo says. Armitages head whips around so he can stare at him. He's sure his eyes are bugging out. Kylo just looks at him and asks, “Can I?”

“ _No_ ,” Armitage gasps, amazed that he's able to make words at all. “You don't, you don't _know_ me.”

Kylo has the decency to look away as he shrugs and says, “I don't have to _know_ you to think you're attractive, and I like what I _do_ know about you.”

“I don't, I'm not, I _can't_ ,” Armitage says, _pleads_. He can't let this happen because he knows he'll never want it to end.

“I didn’t ask if you could,” Kylo says, voice serious. “You can kiss me. I want you to. Do _you_ want to kiss _me_?”

Armitage just stares, face hot, breathing far to quickly for just _sitting_ here. Kylo places a hand over Armitage’s where it’s clenched on top of his thigh, and stares right back.

“Do you?” he presses. Armitage has never had someone focused on him so intently. He’s so warm, an inferno raging inside of him, nerves battling with want. Of course he _wants_ to kiss Kylo; he’d do that and more except…

They’re on the couch at his parents’ house. It’s a big risk just having Kylo _inside_. He doesn’t want to trip into _more_ and be caught with his pants down, doesn’t want Kylo to see his father angry, doesn’t want Kylo to know _why_ he’s never come out to anyone before.

He realizes he’s half hard in his leggings and tugs the hem of his jumper down to hide it, breaking their staring contest, which, of course, catches Kylo’s eye.

“You do, don’t you?” Kylo asks, voice soft. Armitage bites his lip and gives a nearly imperceptible nod. Kylo leans into him, hand on Armitage’s thigh, so _fucking_ warm, like a brand. He says, breath puffing against Armitage’s cheek, “Do it. Fucking go for it. Take what you want.”

Armitage gives a whole body shudder and bites out, “I _can’t_ , not here.”

“That’s not a no,” Kylo murmurs. “We could go somewhere else.”

“I, I—” Armitage stammers, trying to explain _why_ without really giving anything away. He wants to, so fucking bad, wants to kiss Kylo and climb into his lap and rut against him and feel Kylo’s cock, touch it with his own two hands, put his mouth on it and hear the noises that draws from Kylo. He wants Kylo to absolutely wreck him, has wanted that since the day he first saw Kylo’s videos, first saw Kylo shamelessly strip off his shirt and show off his toned body. He’s _terrified_ though. He doesn’t want to be a one off for Kylo. He doesn’t want this to spawn a whole _relationship_ either, doesn’t want to have to hide this from his parents. 

He’s saved from answering by his phone trilling an alarm from the pocket on his thigh.

“You need to leave,” he says, _begs_ really, voice high and breathy. He snoozes the alarm and stands, walks two steps, then pauses to shove his hands through his hair and just _breathe_.

“Okay,” Kylo says, standing too. “It’s okay. I will. Are you… are you okay?”

Armitage whirls on him and snaps, “Obviously fucking _not_. I’m _terrified_. You just, you just _waltz_ into my life and fucking _flirt_ like I’m worthy of your time and I don’t know what to do. People don’t _flirt_ with me. They call me a faggot and a loser and I, I don’t know what to do with _this_.” Armitage gestures wildly between them, breathing hard. He sounds downright fucking _pitiful_ when he tacks on, “So I’m scared, alright? I want to, but I’m scared.”

Kylo glares at the floor. A muscle twitches in his jaw, standing out for just a brief moment. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

“Okay,” he says. “That’s understandable.” He lifts his gaze and stares defiantly at Armitage, daring him to argue as he says, “I’m not joking about thinking you’re attractive. You’re fucking gorgeous and you’re funny and you’re smart and you can hold your own in an argument. I’m really happy I got to meet you and I definitely want to kiss you. Soon, hopefully.”

“Right,” Armitage says, a little numb, because Kylo _fucking_ Ren apparently wants to kiss him. “Now that we’ve got _that_ settled, you need to leave.”

Kylo closes his eyes and nods, relaxing back into his skin after the overwhelming intensity he just had.

“Yeah, okay,” he says. He walks around the couch, picks up his jacket, shrugs back into it, all without looking at Armitage. Armitage is okay with this. It gives him a chance to quench the fire in his cheeks.

Even Kylo is flushed, two rosy spots of colour on the meat of his cheeks. Before he goes, he pulls out his phone, thumb sliding across the screen before he shoves it at Armitage. He asks, all in a rush, “Can I have your number?”

Armitage gingerly takes his phone, amazed that _he_ somehow made _Kylo_ nervous. He types in his number and his name, saving the contact listing before handing Kylo’s phone back to him.

“Cool,” Kylo says. “I’ll, I’ll text you.”

And then he _leaves_ , too soon and not soon enough. Armitage goes back to the front room after he locks the door after him, sinking onto the couch to bury his face in his hands. He can’t fucking _believe_ that Kylo has any interest in him at all. They spent three and a half hours together and most of their conversation involved Armitage either being a dick or making a fool out of himself. Nothing he did all day was attractive _at all_.

His phone goes off again. He gets up, goes to his room, takes his afternoon meds, then sits on his bed to continue to freak the fuck out.


	3. Chapter 3

_Unknown Number: i forgot to ask what your cat’s name is_  
Armitage: Millicent.  
 _Unknown Number: it’s ben btw_  
 _Kylo: that’s a terrible name for a cat_  
Armitage: I didn’t name her. She’s technically my stepmum’s cat.  
 _Kylo: oh. she’s really cute_  
 _Kylo: just like you_

\---

Armitage’s parents are none the wiser about the fact that Armitage went out on what might as well be considered a _date_ with someone. He holds this fact close to him, heavy in his gut like a bezoar. He already talked Phasma’s ear off about it, ranting about it from the time he finally pulled himself together after Kylo left clear through 'til dinner.

He eats mechanically. Distantly, he can hear his text tone go off in his bedroom.

\---

He applies to job after job. He goes on three interviews. He’s hired at the Target as the phone operator and he thinks it’s mostly because of his accent. He assumes it’s just temporary.

\---

_Kylo: hey do you wanna come to the birthday party my family is throwing for me?_  
 _Kylo: please say yes_  
Armitage: Maybe. When is it?  
 _Kylo: not this saturday but next saturday._  
Armitage: Okay. I’ll think about it.

\---

Armitage uses the bath bomb Kylo bought him the day after they meet, watching in fascination as little maggots of what is probably some kind of solid oil erupt from the fizzing mass. He sinks into the water, sliding back until he’s in to his ears, his legs folded tight towards the far end of the tub. It’s _nice_. The water smells lovely and it’s silky against his skin, and he’s all alone in the house so he reaches down and wraps his fingers around his soft dick.

He doesn’t stay soft for long. He really does think of Kylo’s hard body pressed against him, hot as the water he’s in, lips on his face and neck down his chest to his cock. The water sloshes as he moves his arm, hand sliding up and down over his prick. His fantasies don’t seem so far away now that he’s met Kylo. They could be _real_. They could _happen_. Kylo was so upfront about liking Armitage. He still doesn’t quite believe it but he doesn’t see why Kylo would _lie_ either.

He stops just before he comes, pulling his hand away with a bitten-off whimper. He doesn’t want to make a mess in his nice bath so soon after getting in. He’s always wanted to try edging.

His erection slowly wilts as he focuses on his breathing, in and out, eyes closed, until he can’t feel his pulse in his dick anymore. Then he sits up, stretching out his legs until his arse hits the back of the tub. He debates taking a photo like the ones Kylo will of his own baths, thick, pale thighs dotted with moles in Kool-Aid coloured water, debates actually _sending_ a picture like that to Kylo. Kylo has made him hard before, multiple times, once in person, so it’s only fair that Armitage returns the favour, right?

He takes the plunge and snaps a picture, white thigh on white porcelain. He doesn’t send it. Instead he goes back to touching himself, leisurely, his hand barely there, until he’s panting and squirming and the water has cooled. Then he comes, and, on a whim, takes a picture of that too.

\---

“There’s a tournament for the card game I play next Saturday,” Armitage starts over dinner, lying through his teeth. “Can I go?”

“As long as you spend the week applying for jobs,” his father says. “I won’t have you lazing about doing nothing.”

That went suspiciously well. His father must have had a good day at work. Armitage says, “I will. I have an interview Wednesday afternoon too. Got the call about it this morning.”

“Good,” his father says, “You might finally do something useful.”

Armitage doesn’t react. He expected that sort of response.

At least he doesn’t have to explain away bruises anymore.

\---

His father always wanted Armitage to follow in his footsteps, to be a military man and climb the ranks, then probably retire from that and go into the private sector, working as a contractor or a specialist. It didn’t matter what Armitage wanted; that was the path chosen for him.

But Armitage has always been thin, sick and useless and hardly worth the effort to mold into a proper man.

His father has long since given up trying to beat him into shape.

\---

_Kylo: what did you think of the bath bomb?_   
_Kylo: have you used it yet??_

It’s close to midnight. He’s had those stupid pictures saved in his phone for four days. He sends the one of his thigh in the water before he can think twice. It’s late. He’s tired. He filled in four applications and then wrote an additional two thousand words on his latest Spirk fic. He has used up his words for today.

~~He wants to see how Kylo reacts.~~

_Kylo: fuck_  
Armitage: It looked like maggots were erupting out of it.  
 _Kylo: gross lol_  
 _Kylo: did you enjoy it though?_

Armitage brings up his photos again, opens the one of his hand coated in come, thumb hovering over the send button. He thinks better of it though and goes to clear the message.

He sends it instead.

His breath catches in his chest as he stares in horror at his phone. The screen doesn’t even go dark before Kylo replies.

_Kylo: fuck_   
_Kylo: wow_   
_Kylo: is this sexting now?_   
_Kylo: because i’d really like this to be sexting_

Armitage just jams his phone under his pillow and ignores the next couple of text notifications.

He doesn’t fall asleep until sometime after two a.m.

\---

Armitage: I can come to your party on Saturday.  
 _Kylo: cool_  
 _Kylo: do you want me to come pick you up?_  
Armitage: That would be nice.  
Armitage: Just not from my house.  
Armitage: I’ll walk down to the Target probably.  
Armitage: That’s an easy to find location.  
 _Kylo: okay_

\---

_Kylo: were you thinking of me?_   
_Kylo: please say yes_


	4. Chapter 4

Armitage is waiting outside the front of the Target, nose buried in the thick scarf around his neck, hands deep in the pockets of his peacoat, just to the side of the doors. Ben pulls up in front of him and rolls down the passenger side window, calling with a grin, “Hey sexy, need a ride?”

“Piss off,” Armitage grumbles, but he does climb into the passenger seat. His hair is gelled back severely, making the lines of his face that much shaper, making the fact that he hasn’t quite lost all his baby fat that much more obvious. Mist shines on his hair and his eyelashes and the shoulders of his coat. He shivers violently once he’s buckled in, saying, “Fuck, it’s cold.”

“I coulda picked you up from your house,” Ben says. “It wouldn’t have been a big deal.”

“It _would_ have though!” Armitage protests. “You don’t know my father.”

Ben does his best to keep from making a face. He _hasn’t_ met Armitage’s father, but he doesn’t want to. He’d probably punch him, just based off the little he knows from what Armitage has insinuated.

“Okay,” he says, very deliberately not picking a fight. He taps his phone screen a couple of times to get Google Maps to navigate home for him then starts the drive.

Armitage silently watches the scenery go by, head tilted towards the side window. He looks so pretty, serene. Kinda like an English professor with his hair glued to his head like that.

Kylo gets to Four-Oh-Five and clicks out of the gps. He drives on autopilot, his muscles knowing how to get home, and tries very hard to not keep looking over at Armitage. He wants to ask about the sexting. It’s been on his mind for the last two weeks but he’s too much of a chickenshit to just _ask_. He was so fucking thankful when they had texted enough to bump that picture off his screen; every time he saw Armitage’s perfect, slender fingers coated in come, his breath would catch and he could feel the arousal swirling in his gut. Just _thinking_ about it is enough to give him a chub, especially with Armitage himself sitting in the other seat.

“I should have asked,” Armitage says suddenly. “Is this going to be a big thing?”

“The party or _you_?” Ben asks. Armitage looks over at him.

“Both, I suppose,” he says.

“Not really,” Ben says. “To both. It’s, it’s my family birthday party. They know I invited you. My birthday is always an excuse to have cake _and_ pie since it’s always around Thanksgiving and since everyone’s already in town, my family makes a big deal out of it.” Ben flashes Armitage a grin, glancing over at him. “We’ll be the only ones under like, fifty besides my, uh, my cousin.” That’s a close enough word for Rey.

Armitage snorts and says, “Alright then.” He pauses before adding, “You do realize I’m not your boyfriend.”

Ben refrains from saying _yet_ , but only just barely. Instead he says, “Yeah, but I figured it’d be a little more chill than going bowling with seven loud, aggressively queer goths.”

Armitage makes a face and Ben laughs.

“I _knew_ you wouldn’t be into that,” Ben says.

“Yes, well, I’m not terribly keen on meeting your _entire family_ the second time I ever talk to you in person, either,” Armitage says, waving his hand, still looking disgusted.

“It’ll be fine,” Ben says. “My family’s great. Fair warning though: they’re weird.”

“I’m sure they are,” Armitage says, rolling his eyes. “After all, you’re quite the odd one yourself.”

Ben laughs and teases, “You’re such a dick.”

That’s the wrong thing to say. Armitage shrinks into himself, shoulders up around his ears, lips pinched tight together. He mumbles, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ben says softly, like he’s trying to coax an animal into letting him pet them. “I like it.”

He can see Armitage look at him dubiously out of the corner of his eye, can _feel_ how hard Armitage is staring at him, like he doesn’t believe a word Ben just said.

“I do,” Ben insists. “It’s cute.”

Armitage huffs and says, “I’m not cute.”

“You are. I’m gonna keep telling you that until you believe it,” Ben says, grinning. He _will_ ; he’ll compliment Armitage over and over, for as long as it takes for him to _believe_.

“Good luck,” Armitage grouses, sour. Ben snorts, then turns onto his street. Armitage gets distracted by the houses. They’re not the _biggest_ houses in the area, but they’re still plenty large, with gated driveways and big yards. He pulls into his driveway and shifts his car into park.

“Tada,” Ben says, climbing out of his car. Armitage follows a little slower, staring slack jawed at Ben’s house.

“Fuck,” he says. “I knew you were well off, but this is a lot.”

“I _am_ a trust fund baby,” Ben shoots back, grinning.

“Still,” Armitage says.

Ben leads the way up to the front door. They’re walking more or less side by side and Ben really wants to just scoop up Armitage’s hand and twine their fingers together. He bites his lip, thinks _fuck it_ and almost does it, only to chicken out at the last moment. He was so _pushy_ at Armitage's house after he was done petting Millicent and he'd freaked Armitage out. He doesn’t want to do that again.

He opens the door and immediately hears Rey shout, “Ben’s back!” which sets off Gary, which makes his mom call to the dog to quiet him. Armitage hesitates by the door, staring helplessly at Ben. Ben almost feels bad that he's dragging Armitage in deep but his mom and his uncle have always told him to listen to his gut and his gut says that Armitage is perfect for him, so he wants Armitage to hurry up and realize that. 

Patience is not a virtue he has.

Gary, his barking down to quiet snorting, trots up to Armitage and Ben sticks out a foot to keep him from jumping up, shutting the door behind them. Armitage offers his hand, fingers loosely curled, then makes a face when Gary licks him. Ben can't help but laugh.

“I am much more of a cat person,” Armitage grumbles, standing up straight, wiping his hand off on his pants. “Dogs have just so much _drool_.”

Ben snorts and leads the way to the front room, slowly so Armitage can keep up with Gary underfoot.

“You know,” his mom says, “he's trying to sucker you into playing.”

“Pets do seem to do that,” Armitage says dryly.

Mom laughs and says, “I like you, kid.”

“You sound like Dad,” Ben complains. “‘Kid’, jeeze.”

“We are married, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben says, making a face. “This is Armitage, by the way—”

“‘By the way’,” Armitage grumbles.

“—Armitage, this is my mom.”

“A pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Armitage says, holding his hand out to shake.

“Please, just call me Leia,” Mom says, smiling as she shakes his hand.

Armitage narrows his eyes at her and asks, “You're not the senator, are you?”

Mom grins. “I am, actually.”

“My father _hates_ you,” Armitage says, gaping.

“ _Good_ ,” Mom says. “Then I'm doing my job.”

Ben is not really surprised that Armitage's dad's politics run counter his mom’s, given what he already knows.

“The question is,” Mom continues, “do _you_ hate me?”

“No, I think you're quite brilliant,” Armitage says.

“That's all that matters then,” Mom says.

“Aren't you going to introduce me to your boyfriend, Ben?” Rey asks.

Armitage goes red but doesn't protest, leaving Ben to say, “He's not my boyfriend.”

“Yet,” Rey says, rolling her eyes. Ben silently agrees with her, watching Armitage press his lips flat together as he turns redder and redder. 

“This is Armitage,” Ben says, gesturing. “Armitage, this little shit is Rey.”

Rey grins up at Armitage, all teeth, looking like she's going to eat him.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hullo,” he replies, looking dubious. His accent is a lot softer than Rey’s. Ben figures he's been in the States a lot longer.

“Where’s everyone else?” Ben asks.

“Your father and Amilyn are at the store, and your uncles will be here a little later,” Mom says. She circles the island to the kitchen proper and asks, “Would you like anything to drink, Armitage?” 

“Um, no thank you,” Armitage says. He's still a little pink in the face. It's really fucking cute.

“I'm gonna show him my filming set up,” Ben says, grabbing Armitage's wrist to give him a tug. His mom gives him a _look_. He stares back defiantly as he pulls Armitage towards the stairs. He knows his mom is fine with him having sex, so long as he's safe, so he doesn't get why she's looking at him like he's about to do something bad.

Then again, she knows Armitage is the winner of his giveaway and the reason he won. She also knows that Ben got hit with a crush the size of a Mac truck the instant he set eyes on Armitage. She probably thinks he wants to flirt in peace, maybe more, which, really, isn't too far from the truth. She doesn't need to _judge_ him for it though.

Downstairs, Ben leads the way to the left where his room is. He flicks the light on, expecting Armitage to be amazed. 

He's not. He says, “I should have figured your room was this big,” with one thick eyebrow raised. Again, he makes Ben feel small, knocking him down a peg with a few choice words.

Ben’s never done a room tour, even though it's asked for a lot—his room is _his_ space so he doesn't really want to show it to the whole world—so he thought a fan like Armitage would be interested in poking around, but he’s _not_. He lets Ben bring him a few steps in, then turns to him to say, “I don't have a gift for you.”

“You just being here is enough,” Ben says, shrugging. “But if you _really_ want to do something for me, you could kiss me.”

“You're not going to drop that, are you?” Armitage says, nose wrinkling.

“If you don't wanna, I'll stop, but you said you did.” Ben shrugs again. “I wanna at least _try_ to get you out of your comfort zone.”

“And add to your list of conquests,” Armitage says, words bordering on accusatory.

“You're not a conquest,” Ben tells him, dead serious.

Armitage narrows his eyes at Ben, considering him. He seems to be okay with what he sees because he reaches up, hands going to rest on Ben's neck as he steps close. Ben's breath catches in his chest. He licks his lips, anticipation growing in his gut. Armitage leans in, rolling onto the balls of his feet. He presses his lips firmly against Ben’s cheek, holds there for a moment, then pulls away.

“Happy birthday,” he says, red again. He steps back and drops his hands to his sides. Ben wants to wrap them back around his neck, to pull him close, to press their lips together over and over.

“Can I kiss you back?” Ben asks through his grin.

“No,” Armitage says, wrinkling his nose again.

Ben laughs and asks, “ _Please_?”

“No,” Armitage repeats.

“Okay,” Ben says, then heaves a sigh, overdramatic. “I guess I’ll survive.”

“You're an arse,” Armitage grumbles and Ben loves the way he says it, the A soft and drawn out. The accent really gets him, no matter how much it's softened.

“Yeah, but you like me,” Ben says, then pauses before asking, “You do like me, right?”

Armitage levels him with a hard stare, then says, “Obviously.” He looks away and flips his wrist, adding, “Aren't you going to show me your filming set up?”

Ben grins and says, “Okay.” He gestures to the left of his room, where his vanity and clothes stands sit. He says, “This is where the magic happens.”

\---

Armitage can't believe he kissed Kylo. It may have only been on the cheek but it was still a kiss. Kylo looked so pleased when he pulled away too, grinning wide and a little flushed, like that quick peck to the cheek was all he could ever want.

Except, of course, more kissing. Armitage isn't even sure why he denied him, his nerves speaking for him. There's no worry of getting caught here; Kylo's family already knows he's gay, that both of them are, thanks to Kylo sharing his essay. They're alright with it so they wouldn't get in _trouble_ really.

He should have just done it and gotten it over with.

Now he's sitting upstairs watching Kylo and his cousin play some fighting game while the rest of his family has wine in the kitchen and puts dinner together. Kylo's dog lies on the seat next to him, snurfling, hoping for attention. 

It's all fairly relaxed but Armitage is still on edge. He's too used to his cock of a father to really settle into the barely controlled chaos of the Organa household. He keeps having to force himself not to flinch whenever someone raises their voice and the Organas are all very loud.

Kylo has been slowly scooting over across the couch over the twenty minutes they've been sitting, trying to casually press himself against Armitage's side. They're thigh to thigh already, Kylo so warm and solid against him.

He can't stop thinking of how Kylo’s little cousin said he’s not Kylo’s boyfriend _yet_ , like it's inevitable. 

Kylo puts a hand on Armitage's knee briefly before asking, “You alright?”

“Yeah, just—” Armitage waves his hand and makes a face. 

When he doesn't continue, Kylo presses, “Just what?”

“I'm an introvert,” Armitage tells him, refusing to admit to how jumpy he is.

“Oh,” Kylo says. His hand falls back to Armitage's knee, thumb rubbing over his trousers. “We could go sit in my room until dinner.”

Armitage can feel himself flush. He sounds a little strangled when he says, “No, it's fine.”

Rey, on the other side of Kylo, mumbles, “‘Not my boyfriend’ my arse.”

Kylo shoots her a dirty look, then turns back to Armitage, saying, “You can go hide any time you need to. It's cool. Everyone will understand.”

“I’m not—I don’t,” Armitage starts. He can feel himself flushing, not sure if it’s anger or embarrassment at being treated like a child who can’t handle an uncomfortable situation.

Kylo stands and stretches, a strip of his toned stomach peeking out under the hem of his shirt, then says, “I’m gonna go downstairs and watch Netflix until dinner is done. Do you wanna come with?”

Armitage follows him downstairs, scowling. Once they’re in Kylo’s room, the door shut behind them, he bites out, “Don’t treat me like a child.”

“I’m not treating you like a child,” Kylo replies, his smile shifting into a scowl to match Armitage. “I just—Kiara, one of my friends, she comes from an abusive household too, so I get that my family can be a little much, and you looked uncomfortable, so I wanted to remove you from the situation _making_ you uncomfortable. I’m treating you like my _friend_.”

Armitage crosses his arms over his chest, glowering, face flushed. _Too_. Kylo had said _too_. Armitage wants to argue but he doesn’t want to talk about his father. Kylo steps close and lifts his hand, too fast. Armitage can’t help the flinch, eyes pinching shut, then Kylo pulls him into a tight hug, the pressure bordering on painful. Armitage pulls his arms from between them, wraps his fingers around the sides of Kylo’s shirt, leans into it. It’s… nice. Kylo is warm and solid and _so caring_. Most importantly, he’s _here_ , not in London or Osaka or the fucking Netherlands. 

Kylo kisses his ear, rocks them a bit, then says, “I’m not going to hit you. I would _never_ hit you.”

“I know _that_ ,” Armitage snaps, a little muffled by Kylo’s shoulder. Kylo squeezes him tighter.

“I want to kiss you,” he says, voice low and right in Armitage’s ear. “Can I?”

Armitage is sure Kylo can feel how hard his heart is beating with how tight their chests are pressed together. He can feel his pulse in every part of his body, his heart thrumming with nerves. He struggles to keep his breathing even and calm.

He lifts his head enough to speak clearly when he whispers, “Okay.”

One of Kylo’s hands moves to Armitage’s cheek while he kisses across the other, desperate pecks until he’s tilted Armitage’s face enough to get at his lips. Armitage’s first kiss is fueled by Kylo’s burning hunger, barely reigned in. Armitage gasps at the intensity of it and Kylo’s tongue immediately presses into his mouth, invading him, _claiming_ him.

Armitage clutches at Kylo’s ribs, dizzy when Kylo pulls back to say, “Let’s sit down.”

He leads Armitage to the couch along one wall, holding his hand, and they sit. Armitage’s heart still races and he’s breathing hard already, so incredibly nervous, especially since Kylo doesn’t seem phased at all.

“That was my first kiss,” Armitage blurts stupidly, feeling like he has to fill the silence with _something_. Kylo’s lips quirk up a bit.

“Was it good?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” Armitage says, wide eyed. “I don’t have enough data to compare it with.”

Kylo _laughs_ , sounding utterly delighted. He cups Armitage’s cheek with one hand and leans in, mouth a hair’s breadth away from Armitage’s, and murmurs, “Then I had better kiss you again, so you can compare.”

“Yeah,” Armitage breathes, nodding. Their noses bump, then Kylo seals his lips over Armitage’s again.

It’s good, so fucking good. Kylo is warm against him, leaning into him, one hand on his cheek and the other on his thigh, mouth moving against his leisurely. The intensity is still there, lurking, but Kylo has calmed, acting more like a satisfied cat now that he’s gotten what he wanted. Armitage does his best to keep up, tangling his tongue with Kylo’s whenever it presses into his mouth. He is, embarrassingly, starting to get hard, his dick swelling in his briefs.

He wants to climb into Kylo’s lap and press close. He thinks _Fuck it_ , and just does it, moving awkwardly as he tries to maneuver himself while still keeping his lips on Kylo’s. Kylo groans as Armitage settles on his thighs, knees sinking into the cushions on either side of Kylo’s hips. Kylo places his hands on Armitage’s waist, the touch muted by how many layers Armitage is wearing.

Armitage sits over Kylo’s knees, trying to gather the courage needed to slide forward until their groins meet, distracted by Kylo’s mouth. Kylo squeezes his waist, pulling his face away just a bit to ask, “Can I, can I put my hands up your shirt?”

Armitage is already pulling on his clothing, untucking his button up so Kylo _can_ , before he thinks to nod and say, “Yeah.”

Kylo’s hands are like a brand as he slides them under Armitage’s shirt, hot even against his fevered skin. The touch sends a spark of arousal straight to Armitage’s groin, making him shiver.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Kylo groans, fingers flexing against Armitage’s skin. He pulls Armitage closer, until Armitage’s arms are folded between their chests, their crotches tantalizingly close. Armitage expected Kylo to go after his nipples but he doesn’t, just keeps his hands on Armitage’s bare back. His touch, however chaste, is still electric. Armitage’s underwear quickly grows uncomfortable. He reaches into his pants without thinking to adjust his dick and Kylo gasps, “Fuck, babe, are you hard?”

Armitage can feel his flush flare up at Kylo’s candid words even as he nods.

“Fuck, me too,” Kylo says. 

Armitage’s gut clenches at the confession, at knowing he has an effect on Kylo. His dick gives an angry throb, desperate to be touched. He doesn’t know how to ask for that, can’t make his throat unstick enough to say the words. He wants it though, more than anything.

Kylo kisses the corner of his mouth, his cheek, the edge of his jaw. Armitage automatically tilts his head to give Kylo better access, gasping when Kylo drags his teeth against the skin of his neck.

“Touch, touch me,” Armitage stammers, want outweighing his nerves.

Kylo chuckles and says, “I am.”

“No, I mean—” Armitage says. He doesn’t get to finish because Kylo’s hand has already moved, sliding around his side to cup where his dick lies along his hip.

“Here?” Kylo asks, teasing. Armitage whimpers and nods. It feels so fucking good. He rolls his hips against Kylo’s hand, pressing closer, moaning. Kylo drops his forehead to rest against Armitage’s shoulder, exhaling hard. Armitage gets a little thrill out of the thought that Kylo is watching his hand move over Armitage’s dick.

“Fuck,” Kylo breathes, “I want you naked _so bad_.”

“Okay,” Armitage says, voice wavering only a little. Dimly, he’s aware he’s thinking with his dick, but he’s too desperate to get off to worry about it.

“Are you sure?” Kylo asks, giving his dick a squeeze.

Armitage gasps and shudders and says, “God, _please_.”

Kylo nods against Armitage’s shoulder then brings his other hand down. He just barely gets the button of Armitage’s trousers undone before there’s a sharp vibration between their thighs.

“Fuck, that’s probably my mom,” Kylo says, arching his hips to get at his phone. Armitage shifts back, giving Kylo room, and Kylo opens his phone to read his text. He says, “Yeah, it’s mom. She says dinner will be done in about ten minutes so we gotta like. Stop.”

Armitage can’t help the whine that crawls from his throat. He’s so hard it hurts. He’s sure he could get off in under ten minutes if they just _tried_. He doesn’t want to have to face the entirety of the Organa family with a hard on. It’s not just going to _go away_.

Kylo croons, “I know,” and puts a hand on the back of Armitage’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss. He keeps it chaste, just lips on lips before he tucks his face against Armitage’s cheek. Armitage buries his face in Kylo’s neck in return, breathing in deep, trying to restore some semblance of calm to his blood.


	5. Chapter 5

**StarKiller**  
I kissed him.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
good job  
i’m so proud of you

**StarKiller**  
I can’t _believe_ I kissed him.  
First I just kissed him on the cheek and I thought that’d be it.  
But he brought me down to his room again later because apparently I was not as good at keeping the fact that I was uncomfortable around his family on the down low.  
Then he was like I want to kiss you and I gave in that time and  
fuck.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
wow

**StarKiller**  
He touched my dick.  
He almost took off my pants.  
He would have if his mum hadn’t told him dinner was almost done.  
And! His fucking middle school aged cousin said that I wasn’t his boyfriend “yet”.  
Like she could see the future or something.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
well you did make out with him literally immediately

**StarKiller**  
Yes, well, it still wasn’t appreciated.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
are you two dating now?

**StarKiller**  
No.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
not yet

**StarKiller**  
Fuck you.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
lol

\---

_Kylo: so whats your_  
 _Kylo: disease?? i guess_  
 _Kylo: whats it like?_  
Armitage: Chronic illness. Disease makes me sound like I have leprosy.  
Armitage: Look it up.  
 _Kylo: i did_  
 _Kylo: i wanna hear about YOUR experience with it_

\---

Armitage is not keen on the dress code for Target, but he does, at least, already have a few pairs of khaki trousers at his father’s insistence, and a deep red jumper that’s close enough to be acceptable. His father bitches about having to give Armitage money so he can buy a few other red shirts but that’s fine. He’s used to it. It’s _fine_.

He starts the day after Kylo’s birthday party. He’s nervous, already keyed up from how he stupidly let Kylo touch him that way. He feels like he’s going to throw up all morning, dressed and ready to go an hour early. He walks out of his house and gets there twenty minutes before he’s scheduled to start, does a lap of the store trying to calm himself down.

He gets a text.

_Kylo: you start your new job today right??_   
_Kylo: good luck ;*_

And he settles into his skin.

\---

He has to wait until his parents go to bed, still half hard from Kylo touching him earlier. It’s almost midnight by the time he crawls under the covers and pulls his dick out. He thinks about how big Kylo’s hands are, how warm they are, how it felt to have them on him, his back, his cock. He thinks about kissing Kylo, how he guided Armitage’s fumbling attempts at kissing back, how Kylo’s lips felt against his own, his tongue, his teeth. He strokes himself slowly, savouring the feel of his hand, wishing it were Kylo’s.

Kylo was so solid under Armitage, his muscular thighs firm beneath Armitage’s own, the same as his shoulders where Armitage clutched at him. Armitage was so close to pressing against his hard stomach and rutting against it, feeling Kylo’s cock under his arse. Kylo’s so strong, he could probably flip Armitage onto his back without any issue, grinding their hips together until they both came. 

Armitage is unsure of if he wants his first time to be on a couch, but fuck, does he wish Kylo had been able to put his hand on Armitage’s bare cock.

He comes thinking of Kylo jerking him off while he sits in Kylo’s lap, just the way they were earlier.

\---

It’s Friday, so it’s time for Kylo to upload a new video. Armitage has to wait until he gets home from his new job to watch it. It’s a quarter to midnight and Armitage is freezing from the walk home, so he quickly changes into pyjamas and crawls under his covers, laptop next to him. He loads Kylo’s new video—WHERE AM I GOING TO PUT ALL THIS SH*T?? | what i got for my birthday—and pulls his covers up to his nose.

He’s seen most of what Kylo got already, though there’s a handful of things from his friends as well. Armitage has almost dozed off when Kylo’s voice filters into his brain, saying “The last thing isn’t something I can show, but it’s my favourite.” Armitage opens his eyes just in time to see Kylo tap his lip with one black-nailed finger, smirking. He sings, “I got a kiss from a cute boy,” absolutely smug.

Armitage pulls the covers over his head and groans as Kylo does his outro. He can’t fucking _believe_ it. His _favourite_? Kissing Armitage can’t be Kylo’s _favourite_ gift. It was stupid, casual, ~~desperate~~.

~~There’s no way Armitage is good enough to be anyone’s favourite.~~

\---

Armitage: It hurts. Just everything all the time.  
Armitage: Some days are better than others but mostly I feel like one big bruise, even with my medication.  
Armitage: Little, stupid things cause me a ridiculous amount of pain, like a belt, or my cat standing on me.  
Armitage: I forget about things. Little things, like my tea until it’s gone cold.  
Armitage: I have timers to remind me to take my medication.  
Armitage: I lose track of my train of thought. I forget where I’m going with a sentence halfway through it sometimes.  
Armitage: I sleep for twelve hours straight at least once a week.   
Armitage: If I sleep less than eight hours I am so tired I can’t function.  
Armitage: And I’m cold all the time.  
Armitage: So there you have it. My personal reasons for why Fibro is terrible.

\---

_Kylo: since i touched your dick, are you my boyfriend now?_  
Armitage: No.

\---

Armitage: I don’t want you talking about me in your videos.  
 _Kylo: okay_

\---

_Kylo: hey do you want to come out to a party with me wednesday?_  
 _Kylo: we can people watch_  
 _Kylo: it’ll be fun_  
Armitage: Maybe.  
 _Kylo: aw come on babe, please?_  
 _Kylo: i want you to meet some of my friends_  
 _Kylo: it’ll be fun_  
Armitage: So you said.  
 _Kylo: do you work that night?_  
Armitage: No.  
 _Kylo: so come out with us!_  
 _Kylo: please?_  
 _Kylo: i wanna see you again_  
 _Kylo: please?_  
Armitage: Alright.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up this is where the underage drinking comes in and also theres sex going on w all that. i'm gonna put some spoilery content warnings at the bottom so check that out if u worry
> 
> also welcome 2 of the kor tell me what u think about them i never make ocs aaaaaa

Armitage agrees to let Kylo pick him up a couple blocks away from his house, around the corner, just inside his neighborhood, since it’s December now and thus cold as shit. It should be far enough out of the way for his father not to be suspicious. Kylo is already waiting where they agreed to meet, car running. Armitage opens the passenger side door and slides in.

“Hey,” Kylo says, looking over at him, smiling. He leans in the slightest bit and asks, “Can I kiss you?”

Armitage makes a face and says, “No.”

“Aw, babe, please?” Kylo says. “No one will see.”

Armitage knows that; people are safely tucked in their houses, away from the cold. He’s still… nervous, he supposes. He’s not yet at ease with the affection Kylo wants to shower him with. It’s a lot.

But at the same time, he craves it, so staring straight ahead, he says, “Alright, go on,” and Kylo leans over the center console to kiss him on the cheek, just by the corner of his mouth. Armitage can feel how his face has heated up, just from that one chaste little kiss. He scowls at the road through the windshield.

“You’re not really planning on going to a club dressed in khakis, are you?” Kylo asks after he’s pulled away, smirking like the insufferable shit that he is.

“No,” Armitage says, “I’m wearing leggings underneath. I’ll take off my trousers when we get there.”

Armitage had lied, had said he got called in to cover a shift at work, so he had left in work clothes. He did do his best to layer more appropriate clothing underneath so he doesn’t stick out.

He has nothing on Kylo, who’s wearing tight, shredded jeans and a full face of makeup. He’s even done the thing where he has a little charm on his lip ring, resting against his chin. Armitage is going to look out of place next to Kylo no matter what he does.

Kylo shifts his car out of park and drives away from Armitage’s neighborhood, following the gps on his phone. The trip is short, Kylo simply driving them to one of the nearby park and rides. Armitage looks at him, confused, and Kylo says, “We’re going downtown. I hate driving downtown. I, uh, brought bus money for you if you need it.”

“No, I have an Orca card,” Armitage says dumbly, still a little stunned. _Club_ , Kylo had said. The word had slipped Armitage’s mind the first time, but it comes slamming back. Kylo’s taking him to a _club_. He is woefully unprepared.

Kylo parks and turns off his car, but doesn’t climb out yet, waiting for Armitage to change, _watching_ him. Armitage flushes but unbuckles himself and reaches into the footwell to take off his boots, then lifts his arse and shimmies out of his trousers. He jams his feet back into his boots and climbs out of the car. Kylo does the same and looks him over as they walk to the bus station.

“I don’t suppose I could get you to comb out your hair?” Kylo asks.

Armitage hesitates, then runs his fingers through his hair, breaking up the pomade. It still sits generally swept back, not soft like when he doesn’t put any product in it at all, but a chunk of his fringe curls over his forehead. Kylo steps closer to him, reaches up haltingly, slowly, then touches Armitage to adjust his hair to his own liking. Armitage bites his lip and lets him, thankful his shirttails cover his groin.

Kylo then tucks his fingers under Armitage’s chin and brushes their lips together in a soft kiss. Armitage freezes and doesn’t get a chance to _unfreeze_ , to kiss Kylo back before Kylo pulls away, smirking. Armitage drops his gaze and scowls, brushing past Kylo to the bus station, knocking their shoulders together. It sends a spark of pain through his arm, but it’s worth it for how Kylo laughs, loud and bright and a little ugly.

Armitage loves the sound of it.

He smiles a little as Kylo uses his long legs to catch up, coming to match his stride in no time. They have to wait a good ten minutes for the bus. Kylo pulls him down onto one of the benches then pulls a bottle of Pepsi out of the inside pocket of his leather jacket. He takes a sip then hands it over to Armitage, saying, “Help me finish this off before we get to the club.”

Armitage takes it and takes a tentative drink and chokes as it _burns_. He barely manages to swallow, coughing wetly. Kylo, the _arsehole_ , laughs and pats him on the back. Armitage glares at him and gasps, “What the fuck was _that_?”

“Rum,” Kylo says gleefully. “You don’t have to drink any if you don’t want. I just thought I’d share.”

Armitage stares at him and takes another defiant drink, grimacing at the taste of the alcohol in the soda. Kylo grins at him devilishly, like he knows Armitage has never gotten drunk before, like he knows this is the most rebellious thing Armitage has ever done. Armitage hands the bottle back and Kylo takes another drink, a bigger one this time, shuddering a little after.

“I might have added a bit too much rum,” Kylo admits.

“You think so?” Armitage asks, voice sharp. Kylo looks at him and grins.

“That’ll just make the night more fun,” he says. He nudges his knee against Armitage’s and asks, “Can I kiss you again?”

The rum sits hot in Armitage’s gut, burning just like the arousal that spikes through him. He still can’t fucking believe that Kylo is interested in him, that Kylo wants to kiss him, that Kylo wants to do more than that, wants to _fuck him_ maybe. The one person also waiting for the bus isn’t paying attention to them, nose deep in a book, so Armitage says, “Alright, sure.”

Kylo’s wearing nice wool fingerless gloves and they’re soft against Armitage’s cheek as Kylo turns Armitage’s face towards him. He leans in, pressing his soft lips against Armitage’s. Armitage can feel the charm dangling off Kylo’s lip ring against his chin, a little cooler than Kylo’s skin. Armitage can taste the alcohol lingering on Kylo’s tongue when he coaxes Armitage’s mouth open. It’s _good_. It tastes like teenage rebellion, the sort of thing Armitage has never done, never thought he would do.

It tastes _nice_.

The bus comes. They take seats at the very back, taking drinks out of the Pepsi bottle until Armitage melts against Kylo’s side, pleasantly warm from the inside out. He can feel how his face is on fire, the alcohol opening up all his capillaries. Kylo has his arm wrapped around Armitage’s shoulders, tucking him against his ribs. It’s _nice_. Armitage likes this undemanding affection. All Kylo seems to want from him is to have him against his side, touching while they work on finishing the Pepsi and rum.

The bus pulls off the freeway onto the bumpy streets of Seattle. They go two stops before Kylo rings the bell for them to get off, having obviously done this before. They stumble off the bus, clinging to each other, and walk two blocks to another bus stop. Kylo slides his hand down Armitage’s back on the walk there, touching his elbow before just taking Armitage’s cold hand in his own.

“Is this cool?” he asks, amber eyes pleading with him to say it is.

“Yeah,” Armitage says. “Yeah.”

Kylo’s answering grin is blinding, bright and happy. Armitage flushes and has to look away. Kylo bumps their shoulders together, casually, like he can’t bear to be too far from Armitage.

“I really like you, you know,” Kylo says.

“That’s nice,” Armitage says, unable to admit that he likes Kylo too, likes his real personality where he’s intense and a little pushy and unabashedly honest. 

Kylo laughs and it echoes down the street. He pulls Armitage onto another bus, only dropping Armitage’s hand to pay the fare. As soon as they’re sitting, he takes Armitage’s hand again, propping their twined together fingers on his thigh.

“Do you want the last of the soda?” Kylo asks, wiggling the last swallow of it at Armitage. Armitage takes it and slams it back. Kylo pecks him on the cheek and says, “Impressive.”

Armitage snorts and denies it, but he is a little impressed with himself. He managed to swallow that last little bit without it touching his tongue, therefore he didn’t taste the terrible flavour of alcohol.

“Nah, it was,” Kylo says, leaning in to press his nose against Armitage’s cheek. “We’ll have you doing shots like a pro in no time.”

Kylo kisses the bottom of Armitage’s sideburn and murmurs into his ear, “I wonder what else you’ll let me put in your mouth tonight.”

Armitage’s breath catches and his face goes hot again. He blames it on the alcohol when he asks, “What do you _want_ to put in my mouth?”

Kylo touches Armitage’s lips with the fingers not currently wrapped around his own. Armitage pokes his tongue out, licking the tips of them, listening to Kylo whisper a groan. Kylo turns Armitage’s head and kisses him hard, tongue pressing between his lips. Armitage has to fight to stifle his own moan.

They’re in _public_ , he reminds himself. He pulls away, swallowing hard, enamoured with the way Kylo’s lips are shiny-wet and his eyes are half lidded.

“Come home with me tonight,” Kylo says.

“Okay,” Armitage agrees immediately. He blames this too on the alcohol. Kylo stares at him for a long time, the shell of his ears red. He licks his lips, catches his lip ring with his teeth, then, finally, looks away. Armitage feels like he can breath again now that he’s not subjected to Kylo’s full attention.

Kylo rings the bell for the next stop and they stumble off that bus too, hand in hand.

There’s a short line into the club. Armitage watches as the handful of people in front of them t-pose to be patted down, then show their ID. He follows their lead when it’s their turn, stopping short when he sees the person just inside the door, taking money.

“I don’t have any cash,” Armitage whispers furiously at Kylo. Kylo just smiles at him.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “I planned to pay your cover too.”

Armitage scowls at him and grumbles, “This isn’t a date, you know.”

“Sure, okay,” Kylo says, sounding too chipper to be responding to Armitage’s refusal. “Just as long as you come home with me.”

Kylo hands the club staff member a twenty and tucks the change back into his wallet before offering the inside of his wrist. She presses a stamp there and Armitage scrambles to put his arm out too. She just grins at his fumbling and says, “You two have fun.”

Inside the lights are low, changing colours periodically, and the music is loud. There’s a bar along one wall and tables dotted around the dancefloor. Kylo pulls him to the side and peels out of his coat. Armitage does the same, stuffing his scarf in the pocket of his peacoat. Kylo takes it from him and, oh, there’s a coat check. He should have expected that but he didn’t, didn’t think this through, this step out of his comfort zone. Kylo passes over a couple of bills and pockets the little ticket he’s given in return.

Kylo looks good without his thick leather jacket. He’s wearing a black thermal that’s a bit too tight across the chest, wonderfully too tight across the chest. Kylo walks back to where Armitage is waiting and scoops up his hand again, pulling him towards the main floor.

Armitage spots two girls all in black leaning against one of the tables. Naturally, they’re the final destination Kylo is leading him to.

“Hey,” Kylo says to the girls. They perk up, the white one grinning.

The black girl says, “Took you two long enough,” but she sounds fond.

“It took longer coming from Everett than I thought,” Kylo says, shrugging. He lifts their joined hands and adds, “Anyway, this is Armitage. Armitage, this is Aria and Dinah.”

“Ah yes,” the black girl says. “Kylo’s new boy.”

The white girl snorts and elbows the other one in the ribs, saying, “Don’t mind Dinah. She’s a dick.”

Armitage still flushes. He’s not sure how he feels about everyone just _assuming_ he and Kylo are together.

Then, of course, they are holding hands.

He takes a good look at the two girls. He doesn’t quite feel so underdressed compared to Aria, who is also wearing an oversized jumper and leggings, though her jumper has artful runs in it. Dinah, on the other hand, is wearing a long skirt and a corset over a high collared blouse, her full lips painted black, probably. Maybe a deep plum. Armitage can’t quite tell with the light.

They chat with Kylo comfortably, talking about some new makeup release. Something about pink highlighter. Armitage doesn’t pay that much attention, though he _does_ at least know what a highlighter is, since he’s watched so many of Kylo’s videos.

There’s a lull in conversation where Kylo turns to him and asks, “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Oh, um,” Armitage stumbles through words before settling on, “Alright.”

Kylo’s hand leaves his and he walks off towards the bar. Dinah watches Armitage watch Kylo leave, stirring her own drink with her straw. She says, “We took bets on how long it’ll take to get you to date him.”

“What?” Armitage says flatly, hardly a question.

“He’s… persuasive,” Aria says, grinning. “When he wants something, he’ll stop at nothing to get it. Just so you know.”

Armitage can’t help but flush. He wants to argue that he’s not some _thing_ to be had, but Aria adds, “He’s not a bad guy, don’t worry. I mean, he can be a jackass, but he tries.”

“He is rather pushy,” Armitage says, lips pinched tight together.

Dinah laughs and asks, “How long do you think you’ll be able to resist his charms?”

Armitage rubs a hand over his face and says, “Define ‘resist’.”

Dinah and Aria both laugh.

“Has he gotten into your pants yet?” Aria asks, far too candid for Armitage’s liking.

“Technically, no,” he says. He can still feel the alcohol in his system. There was rather a lot of rum in that Pepsi. That’s why he answers so honestly.

“ _Technically_ ,” Aria echos, grinning. “How far _have_ you gone?”

“Second base maybe,” Armitage says, struggling to remember the euphemism. “Halfway to third?”

“I touched his dick through his pants,” Kylo says bluntly, back with a glass of soda in each hand. Aria cackles, head thrown back and everything. Armitage buries his face in his hands. Kylo adds, “If I remember correctly, your little bet was on when we would start _dating_ and that’s not going so well. _This_ is _not_ a date.”

\---

Ben is gone for five minutes getting him and Armitage new drinks and some schmuck is at their table, trying to chat up Armitage. He must have not seen Ben at their table too, must have just come into the club. That’s the only explanation he can think of as to why someone would flirt with the person _he_ came in with.

He comes up behind Armitage and sets their drinks down on the table before wrapping an arm around Armitage’s waist, propping his chin on Armitage’s shoulder. He grins at the guy flirting with Armitage, all teeth, fully aware of how he looks, this massive, six-foot-three wall of goth muscle with his piercings and makeup and death hawk. The guy looks suitably intimidated.

“Hey, babe,” Ben says. “You wanna dance with me?”

“Oh, uh,” Armitage says, his attention on Ben now. The guy slips away, as he should. Armitage says, “Alright.”

Dinah smirks at them while Aria flashes them a double thumbs up and a grin as Ben leads Armitage away from the table. Armitage turns to face him and says, “I can handle myself, you know.”

Ben wraps Armitage’s arms around his neck and settles his hands on Armitage’s hips, bringing them close together.

“I know,” he says, “but I did coerce you into drinking quite a bit of rum.”

Armitage had drank most of that shitty drink he brought for the bus ride down, and it was _strong_. He guides Armitage into moving with the beat of the music.

“Yes, well,” Armitage says, “you just want to keep me to yourself.”

Ben leans in and brushes their lips together, saying, “Yup.”

Armitage fucking collides with him, pressing their mouths together hard. Ben has mostly sobered up, just the tiniest buzz sitting behind his eyes still, but Armitage did drink most of the Pepsi and rum, and Ben can tell he’s still fucked up, just barely clinging to any sort of coordination. Ben pulls him closer, pressing his tongue between Armitage’s lips. He can feel Armitage groan at that before Armitage pulls away to murmur, “You never answered me. What else do you want to put in my mouth?”

Ben moans. He can feel the starts of Armitage’s erection, his soft pants leaving nothing to the imagination when they’re pressed this close together. He tucks his cheek against Armitage’s and says, “My cock, if you’ll let me.”

Armitage nods and says, “Okay. Okay, yeah.”

Ben fucking _loves_ how Armitage just… throws himself into this, like he’ll weather anything the world throws at him through sheer bullheaded stubbornness. It doesn’t matter if he denies Ben what he wants or if he decides to go along with whatever stupid thing Ben asks of him, he does it full force, refusing to give in and let his mind be changed. Ben _likes_ it.

Ben likes _him_.

“When do you want to leave?” Armitage asks. Ben shrugs.

“When do _you_ want to leave?”

Ben feels Armitage’s arm move over his shoulder. He is, presumably, checking his watch.

“Well,” Armitage says, “we’ve been here for about an hour, and I’m, I’m hard so.”

Ben kisses his cheek, grinning. 

“I could blow you in the bathroom,” he offers.

“I’m not, I’m not going to let you _blow_ me in a club toilet,” Armitage snaps, flustered.

“I know,” Ben says. He’s not going to blow Armitage in the bathroom; he wants Armitage’s first time to be _good_ , not a rushed mess in a fucking _bathroom_. He adds, “I’ll take you home and blow you in my bed, how’s that?”

Armitage nuzzles Ben’s neck, kisses it, and says, “That’s agreeable.”

“Let’s go finish our drinks and I’ll close out my tab,” Ben says. He pulls away, leads Armitage back to their table where Aria and Dinah still stand. They give them knowing looks, which Ben shrugs off but makes Armitage flush. Ben says, “We’re going to head out soon.”

“Is that so?” Dinah asks, smirking. Armitage leans an elbow on the table then hides his face in that hand. Aria laughs. Ben grins around the straw in his drink, one hand on Armitage’s back.

They finish their drinks, Ben spurred on by the knowledge that Armitage is hard and wants Ben to touch him. Armitage follows him to the bar so he can get his card back, settling the tab, then to coat check to get their jackets. He even lets Ben take his hand again as they walk out of the club. They make the bus trip in reverse and Armitage presses close to him the entire time, quiet.

By the time they’re in his car heading home, Ben starts to worry. Armitage is _usually_ quiet, from what Ben knows about him, but this silence seems weighted.

“You okay?” Ben asks.

“Yeah,” Armitage says. Ben glances at him, eyebrows furrowed. Armitage continues, saying, “ _Yes_ , fuck. Just. Nervous.”

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. We don’t have to do anything if that’s what you want.”

“I _want_ to, though,” Armitage says, “All of it, before I lose my nerve.”

Ben looks at him again, just briefly. He’s staring out the windshield hard, looking almost angry. Stubborn. Ben remembers the liquid courage he fed Armitage and says, “Maybe we should wait until next time.”

“No!” Armitage protests. 

“You’re drunk,” Ben says. “Your first time shouldn’t be when you’re drunk.”

“I am _not_ drunk,” Armitage snaps.

“You had a lot to drink,” Ben points out.

“Yes, and it’s been a couple of hours. I’m _fine_ ,” Armitage argues. “What about _you_? You’re _driving_!”

Ben opens his mouth to retort but Armitage has a point. Still, he says, “I didn’t have as much as you, and I’m bigger. It takes more to get me drunk.”

Armitage sulks, grumbling, “I am _not_ drunk.”

There’s a long pause before Armitage admits, “Maybe a little tipsy. Just enough that I’m not freaking out at the thought of _having sex_ with someone rather famous.”

Ben snorts. They’re not far from his place so it’s a little too late to just turn around and drop Armitage off at his own house.

“We’ll play it by ear, how’s that?” Ben asks. He’s not terribly comfortable fully having sex if Armitage is still feeling the alcohol they had, but he still wants to kiss him. He’ll just have to be very careful not to push Armitage into agreeing to anything.

He pulls into his driveway and they quietly make their way down to his room. 

Ben shuts the door behind them then murmurs, “Can I kiss you?”

“Yeah,” Armitage says, hands going to Ben’s neck, leaning in close. 

Ben kisses him softly before asking, “Do you want to lie down?”

Armitage nods then kisses him again before pulling away to shrug out of his jacket and pull off his shoes. Ben does the same, then takes Armitage’s hand and pulls him to the bed. He pushes Armitage onto it, reaches down to grab his calves to lie him out. Armitage’s breath hitches at the manhandling, and he whispers, “Fuck.”

“Yeah?” Ben asks, straddling one of Armitage’s thighs, leaning over him. Armitage pulls him down into another kiss, leaning back into the pillows, taking Ben down with him. Ben goes all too willingly, so fucking pleased to have Armitage so pliant underneath him. He’s probably imagining it, but he thinks he can still taste the sharp bite of the rum on Armitage’s tongue.

They kiss for a long moment, mouths sliding against each other wetly, until Armitage gasps, “Touch me.”

“I, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that if you’re still under the influence,” Ben says, trying to be firm but probably just sounding worried.

Armitage groans, “I’m not—it’s fine. I want you to.”

Ben brushes the back of his fingers along Armitage’s jaw, kisses him softly again. Armitage drops a hand from Ben’s neck and moans against Ben’s mouth. Ben pulls away to look down and, sure enough, Armitage has pulled his perfect dick from his leggings, his long fingers squeezing at it.

“Fuck,” Ben groans. He kisses Armitage desperately, burying his hands in Armitage’s hair. Armitage only half kisses him back, his lips a little slack as he strokes himself. Ben kisses the corner of his mouth, his jaw, to his ear. He flicks his tongue against the lobe of it, takes it between his teeth, listening to Armitage breath another moan. Ben murmurs, “Fuck, babe, you’re so fucking _stubborn_ , you ass. You’re such a fucking _tease_. First that picture, now this? You’re killing me, Starkiller. Do you have any idea how much I want to touch you?”

“Then do it,” Armitage says. He slaps his hand against one of Ben’s forearms before Ben can deny him again, following it down to his hand, tugging at it until he can wrap Ben’s fingers around his dick. Ben lets him; how could he not, when Armitage wants this so much? Armitage squeezes his fingers over Ben’s, guiding Ben in how he likes to be touched.

“Fuck,” Ben says again, tucking his face against Armitage’s neck. He’s so hard he hurts, his jeans pinching his dick against his thigh. He can feel where he’s oozed precome, can feel the growing wet patch on his skin matching the growing wetness on his fingers as Armitage brings them over the head of his cock.

Ben let Armitage move his hand for him for what feels like ages with how time seems to have slowed down in this perfect moment before pulling away. Armitage goes to protest, but Ben kisses him first, murmuring, “Relax, just let me get some lube.”

He sits up and reaches towards his nightstand, pulling out the drawer to fish for his lube. Armitage cups Ben’s cock and makes him slip in surprise. Ben barely catches himself on the edge of the bed.

“God,” Armitage breathes. “You’re huge.”

Ben flushes and says, “I’m proportionate. You’re not so bad yourself.”

“I am nowhere near as thick as you,” Armitage says, sliding his hand along Ben’s cock.

“Yeah, well,” Ben says, batting Armitage’s hand away. “I like what you’ve got.”

He slicks up his fingers and brings them back to Armitage’s dick, his hand sliding over it much more smoothly with the addition of lube. Armitage chokes and grabs a fistfull of Ben’s shirt, over his ribs. Ben leans over him again and licks into his mouth, thrilled with how Armitage groans.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” Ben murmurs against Armitage’s lips. “Fucking _gorgeous_.”

Armitage nods and gasps. Ben pulls away to look at his face, to memorize how it’s flushed, his lips parted in a perfect o, his eyes squeezed shut. He looks overwhelmed. Ben’s overwhelmed too. The first time touching someone new is always so intense and Armitage is _perfect_ , sharp and stubborn and a little mean.

Armitage’s hips twitch up, pressing into Ben’s fist as he strokes down. Ben bites his lip, toes curling, dick throbbing. He wants Armitage so much, wants to pin him down and grind against him, wants swallow him down, wants to press into his mouth or his ass, wants to take _everything_ from Armitage and rebuild Armitage to fit perfectly with him. He wants to keep Armitage with him like this forever, always by his side for him to touch and hold and kiss.

It takes so much effort to reign himself in. He’s too intense, he _knows_ that; it’s why his last two relationships have failed, but he didn’t get hit this hard with want for either of them. He _knows_ Armitage is perfect for him. He feels it in his gut, firmly insisting he does whatever it takes to win Armitage over.

“Fuck,” Armitage moans, clutching hard at Ben’s biceps. “ _God_.”

Ben presses a firm kiss to his mouth then murmurs, “Are you gonna come for me?”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Armitage says again, sharper, higher, needy. He nods then gasps, “Keep, keep talking.”

Ben kisses the corner of Armitage’s mouth before tucking his cheek against Armitage’s. He whispers into Armitage’s ear, “You’re so fucking hot, you know that? Just… fuck. You’re so fucking _responsive_ , fucking my hand like that.” He kisses Armitage’s jaw before continuing, saying, “I like that no one else has ever touched you, fucking too much probably. I’m so fucking _pleased_ that I get to be the one to show you this. It’s like the universe saved you just for me.”

He bites at Armitage’s neck, just above the collar of his shirt, and Armitage chokes. His dick pulses in Ben’s hand. Ben looks down just in time to watch him come, hips moving in tiny jerks. Ben strokes him through it, hand firm. Armitage is holding onto him so tightly he’s half certain he’s going to be bruised. He _wants_ that, wants a reminder of touching Armitage for the first time like this.

Armitage lets out a long, shaky exhale when he’s done, unclamping his fingers from around Ben’s biceps. He smooths out Ben’s shirt with his palms, stroking him as if to apologize.

“Doin’ alright?” Ben asks.

Armitage nods and says, yet again, “Fuck.”

Ben laughs and lets go of his softening dick, lets it flop against Armitage’s jizz splattered shirt. He sits up and tugs on Armitage’s shirt, wiping his hand off on one of the tails of it. 

“Hey!” Armitage snaps, grumpy again already.

“What? It’s not like you’re not gonna have to wash it already,” Ben says. “I’ll give you a clean shirt if it bothers you that much.”

Armitage flushes and looks away, bites his lip. Ben folds over him again, hands planted at either side of his ribs, and kisses the corner of his mouth.

“What’s up?” When Armitage doesn’t answer, he grins and sings, “ _Babe_! Come on, tell me!”

“Not, not a clean shirt,” Armitage says, eyes squeezed shut, scowling like he’s angry. “One you’ve worn.”

Ben’s grin widdens. He kisses Armitage wetly on the cheek, then says, “Okay.”

Armitage presses his lips tighter together and shoves Ben back to wipe at his spit damp cheek.

“That was disgusting,” he says, glaring at Ben. Ben just smiles, acting innocent, like he doesn’t have jizz trapped between his fingers.

Armitage tucks his dick away then settles his hands on Ben’s thighs. He asks, “What about you?”

“What _about_ me?” Ben replies, genuinely confused. Armitage slides his palm along the hard ridge of Ben’s cock, making his eyes flutter closed. He bites his lip ring as Armitage strokes him through his jeans. He murmurs, “I’m fine,” getting what Armitage was hinting at.

“It’s not fair if I come and you don’t,” Armitage says, voice soft.

“I don’t, I don’t want to take advantage of you,” Ben says.

“I’m not _drunk_ ,” Armitage insists. “Besides, you just had your hand on my cock. I think you’ve taken advantage of me plenty.” He licks his lips and averts his eyes before adding, “I liked it.”

“I could tell,” Ben tells him, grinning, relieved. “You did kinda come all over my hand.”

Armitage flushes and grumbles, “Piss off.”

Ben laughs, a short, too loud bark before he bites it back to a night-appropriate snicker. Armitage grinds the heel of his palm against Ben’s dick in retaliation, making him gasp.

“Okay,” Ben says. “Okay, fuck.” He doesn’t want to ask Armitage to touch him. Scratch that, he _does_. He wants Armitage’s slender, cold hands all over him, wants Armitage’s _mouth_ all over him, but he got Armitage _drunk_. That was…. not smart of him, considering how badly he wants in Armitage’s pants.

“Do you wanna,” Ben starts. “Do you wanna watch me jerk off?”

Armitage’s eyes lift from where they drifted down, watching his hand move over Ben’s hidden cock.

“Is that what you’re comfortable with?” Armitage asks, like _he’s_ the sober one.

Ben nods and says, “Yeah. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah, alright,” Armitage says. “Show me what you’ve got.”

Ben hesitates briefly, debating on how he wants to do this, before he strips off his shirt and tosses it to the floor. He flops onto his back next to Armitage, lifting his hips as he undoes his jeans, tugging them and his underwear down enough to pull out his dick. Armitage rolls onto his side next to Ben, tucking his cheek against Ben’s shoulder.

“Lube?” Ben asks, holding out his off hand. Armitage reaches behind his back, groping for the lube bottle. He finds it and slaps it into Ben’s waiting hand, eyes glued to Ben’s dick. Ben strokes himself once, watching out of the corner of his eye as Armitage licks his lips, before he pours more lube out onto his fingers.

It feels nice to finally have his hand on his dick. He would have been fine not getting off until after he dropped Armitage off at home, really, but this is better. He likes having Armitage’s eyes on him, likes feeling the steady rise and fall of Armitage’s chest against his arm. He jerks off for Armitage, going at it just the way he likes, until he’s panting, hips shifting as his orgasm approaches.

“Talk to me, babe,” he murmurs.

“About what?” Armitage asks.

Ben chuckles and says, “ _About what_? What do you think? Talk dirty to me.”

“Oh, uh,” Armitage starts, flustered, which is too fucking cute. He says, “I’ve, I’ve wanked to you before. Kind of a lot. I always thought you’d have a big cock. I’m glad I was right.”

“A lot, hmm?” Ben teases, breathless. He’s not really surprised. Armitage is maybe a little too willing to get with Ben, speaking of a prior crush. He really hopes that Armitage gets that he’s a little different in real life than the way he portrays himself in his videos.

“Piss off,” Armitage says. “Do you want me to do this or not?”

Ben half moans, half laughs, “Yes, fuck, please.”

Armitage places a hand on Ben’s hip, fingertips just dipping into Ben’s pubes. His hands are warmer than Ben expected. He strokes his thumb over Ben’s bare skin and says, blunt as anything, “I want to fuck you.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Ben agrees blindly. He doesn’t bottom much, doesn’t get _asked_ to bottom much, since he’s so big, but he definitely likes the idea of this skinny, mean twink plowing him through his matress.

“I want you to fuck me in return,” Armitage continues.

Ben’s breath hitches at that, then he moans, “Fuck, yes. Let me.”

“I want you to come in me,” Armitage says. “I want to feel what you do to me for days.”

The thought of fucking Armitage raw, of pounding into him hard, of filling him up, makes Ben come all over his stomach. He hears Armitage inhale as the first shot paints Ben’s skin, then Armitage kisses the swell of Ben’s shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re a virgin?” Ben pants once he’s done.

“I think I would have noticed if I wasn’t,” Armitage says. Ben assumes he’s rolling his eyes too.

“You’re just… kinda good at that,” Ben explains.

“I have spent the last four years writing porn,” Armitage says flatly. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”

Ben snorts and lets the hand on his dick flop to the bed. He heaves a sigh, eyes closing. Armitage gently runs his fingers along the length of Ben’s dick, then up the center line of his body, dipping through the stripes of jizz on his stomach, to settle over one pec.

“You should probably take me home now,” Armitage says, voice soft. Ben is pretty sure Armitage doesn’t want to leave, but he still peels himself away from Ben’s side, sitting up. He asks, “Didn’t you promise to loan me a shirt?”

Ben smiles as he sits up too. He swings his feet over the side of his bed, picking up the towel from this morning’s shower to mop up the mess on his stomach.

“Oh, I see how it is,” Armitage grumbles. “You’ll use a towel to clean up your own mess, but wipe mine on my shirt.”

Ben snickers and returns to the bed, leaning over it to drop a kiss on the tip of Armitage’s nose. Armitage makes a face, wrinkling his nose in return. It’s fucking cute.

“Get me that shirt, you arse,” Armitage demands as Ben pulls away.

“Do you want the one I was wearing earlier or something else?” Ben asks. “I think I’ve got a sweater in my laundry basket.”

Armitage flushes and averts his eyes.

“Today’s is fine,” he says. Ben plucks it off the floor and hands it over with a sweeping bow. Armitage glares but takes it, setting it on his knee. He lifts his hands to the collar of his shirt and undoes the top couple of buttons before pulling it and his sweater over his head.

He’s just as thin as Ben thought, slender and pale. A long necklace chain drops from his shirts, a crucifix hanging at the convex arch of chain, just in the center of his breastbone. Ben leans in and picks it up between his thumb and his index finger, giving it a little tug.

“What’s this?” he teases. Armitage glares at him again.

“It’s a crucifix. What does it look like?” Armitage snaps back. Ben tugs on it again and Armitage slaps his hand away.

“You mean you’re Christian?”

Armitage narrows his eyes and says, “Catholic, yes.”

Ben grins and climbs closer, knocking Armitage onto his back across the bed. He kisses him hard, tongue dipping between his teeth, then runs his mouth down Armitage’s neck.

“So I get to ruin a nice Catholic boy, hmm?” Ben asks, lips against Armitage’s bare collarbone. He nibbles it, sucks on it until there’s a little red mark there the size of a nickel, even as Armitage shoves at his shoulder and grumbles, “Piss off,” yet again. Ben grins against his skin and says, “That’s hot.”

“Yeah, yeah, a good Catholic boy sinning, very sexy,” Armitage says flippantly. “I got over that when I started masturbating and writing porn.”

Ben snorts and kisses his way down Armitage’s chest to flick the tip of his tongue over Armitage’s nipple. Armitage’s breath hitches and he grumbles, “Quit that. I need to go home.”

Ben sucks on it, bites it gently between his teeth, enamoured with the way Armitage arches against his mouth. Armitage shoves his fingers through the back of Ben’s hawk, holding Ben’s face in place even as he says, “Really, we should leave.”

Ben reaches down and cups Armitage’s cock. It’s half hard, like he expected, and Armitage groans.

“You seem to not want to leave,” Ben says, lips moving against Armitage’s chest.

Armitage rolls his hips against Ben’s hand, needy, greedy, and says, “Yes, well, you have a convincing argument. Still, I don’t want to get home too much later than usual.”

Ben pulls his hand away from Armitage’s crotch and climbs back up his body to kiss him on the mouth.

“Gotta let me go if you wanna leave,” he whispers against Armitage’s lips. Armitage’s hands fall to the side as he sighs, unhappy. Ben sits up, looking down at Armitage from between Armitage’s thighs. He can see the outline of Armitage’s chub through his leggings, can see the quick rise and fall of his chest. Armitage glares up at him even though his body is spread out, wanton. Ben pats him on the thighs and climbs back off the bed.

He tugs a shirt from his drawers and pulls it on, back to Armitage to keep from being distracted by him again. When he turns around, Armitage is in his shirt, swimming in it, the sleeves pulled over his hands and his hands tucked against his lips. His eyes are downcast, like he’s lost in thought, but he quickly focuses as he notices Ben looking at him, dropping his hands to his lap.

Armitage very visibly looks Ben over, eyes roaming Ben’s body as Ben does up the fly of his jeans. Ben preens under the attention, tilting his hips out and tensing his stomach.

“Ready to go?” he asks, sounding more like he’s asking Armitage if he wants another round instead of if he wants to go home.

Armitage bites his lip, dropping his gaze, then swings his legs over the side of the bed. He stands and shoves his feet back into his boots, swiftly tying the laces. He tugs on his coat and wraps his scarf around his throat, all the while ignoring Ben. He’s a little flushed, maybe still a little hard. Ben just wants to throw him back on his bed, strip him down and touch him all over again.

He resists, but only just barely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO ben shares a shitty drink with armitage without thinking too hard about what happens next and armitage is still feeling it a little by the time they get back to bens to do the do. armitage is very insistent that he wants to do the do but ben is worried about it. he still goes along with armitage's wishes coz like, horny twenty year old but he is kicking himself for letting armitage get drunk when he wanted to bone lol


	7. Chapter 7

**StarKiller**  
We did things.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
yes, you did say you were going to a party

**StarKiller**  
No.  
 _Things_.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
oh  
is that so?  
did you have fun?  
were you safe?

**StarKiller**  
Yes?  
We didn’t have _sex_.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
but???

**StarKiller**  
He jerked me off then I got to watch him wank in turn.  
I _touched_ him.  
Through his jeans, but still.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
good for you  
i’m very proud of you, tidge

**StarKiller**  
I think I’m proud of me too.  
I didn’t freak out or anything.  
I was.  
Assertive.  
Possibly still a little drunk.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
drunk?????  
that’s not like you

**StarKiller**  
Yes, well.  
I’m trying to branch out  
Character development, and all that.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
experiences to draw from for your fic?

**StarKiller**  
Exactly.  
Besides, I had mostly sobered up by the time we got to his house.  
It’s fine.  
I don’t regret anything.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
that’s good.

**StarKiller**  
I’m not sure I could do it again.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
you would think it’d be fine

**StarKiller**  
Yes, but now I’m even more nervous about it.  
What happens next?  
This was just the tiniest foray into sex.  
I just dipped my toe in.  
Do I dive in?  
Fucking cannonball straight into things?  
Or do I take my time and wade in?  
What happens if he asks me what I want to do?  
I’ll just bluescreen.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
you’re overthinking things, tidge  
it’ll be fine  
he apparently likes you so i’m sure he’ll be willing to go about things however makes you the most comfortable

**StarKiller**  
Yes.  
We’ll just masturbate next to each other, in the dark, fully dressed, for all of eternity.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
lol

\---

It’s half past midnight when he finally gets home. He lets Kylo drop him off right in front of his house since his parents are surely asleep already. Kylo _insisted_ , saying he was worried about Armitage getting home alright, since it’s so late. He ignored Armitage’s protests, using how he walks home from work just as late as evidence that he’d be _fine_ walking five blocks.

Armitage is secretly flattered that Kylo cares so much for him.

\---

Kylo’s new video is a _chatty get ready with me_ , following him as he puts on his makeup and clothing for the day. Halfway through the video, while Kylo is blending out his contour, he says, “A lot of you have asked about the guy,” and Armitage just knows Kylo is referring to him. Kylo continues, saying, “He’s requested that I not talk about him so quit asking. All you need to know is that he’s gorgeous and I like him a lot.”

Kylo’s smirk does him in. Armitage buries his face in his hand, cheeks hot, groaning as Kylo goes on to talk about something else.

\---

“You got home quite late last night,” his father says over dinner the day after Armitage goes to the club with Kylo.

“Ah,” Armitage says, thinking, _Fuck_. He says, “I went out to dinner with a couple of coworkers.”

His father eyes him like he doesn’t believe him, but, miraculously, drops the subject. 

\---

Armitage ventures a look into the comments of the video where Kylo first mentioned him. There are a _lot_ of congratulations on the kiss. Armitage doesn’t know how to handle this.

\---

Armitage had talked some big shit when Kylo had asked him about his faith. Truthfully though, he spends the week after Kylo touches him trying not to freak out. He doesn’t _really_ believe all the shit people spew about premarital sex being a sin, about _homosexual_ sex being a sin, but he’s heard it all his life so it’s hard to ignore. His father isn’t so accepting of the church’s update to dogma regarding homosexuality, even though it happened before Armitage was born, and Armitage has heard over and over how disgusting it is, how wrong it is.

He wakes up hard a week and a half later, shame burning his ears as he strokes himself off to the memory of Kylo’s big hand on him.

\---

Kylo had left a little hickey, right on his collarbone. Armitage is almost angry when he sees it—it could ruin this whole thing he has with Kylo if his father sees it—but it’s carefully positioned to be easy to cover. He rubs his thumb over it in the shower, pressing on it to see just how tender the bruise is, biting his lip as he remembers Kylo’s mouth on him.

\---

Armitage sleeps in Kylo’s shirt that night after the club, nose tucked in the collar where he can faintly smell Kylo’s cologne. He sleeps in it every night for the rest of the week, throws it in with the wash, then sleeps in it some more. Even though it doesn’t smell like Kylo anymore, it still _feels_ like him, a warm, secret embrace he’ll never admit to liking.

\---

_Kylo: can i sext you?_  
 _Kylo: please????_  
Armitage: Alright.

Kylo sends him a dick pic, his cock hard along his hip, one hand cupping his balls, a thigh crooked up, the covers of his bed kicked down to around his knees.

_Kylo: look at what you do to me_   
_Kylo: i cant stop thinking of how you felt the other night_   
_Kylo: you were so fucking hot_

Armitage’s face burns. He tucks his nose into the scarf around his neck and walks faster, hoping to get home before his growing erection causes a problem.

_Kylo: the things i want to do to you_  
 _Kylo: do you really want me to fuck you?_  
 _Kylo: thats something youre really okay with??_  
Armitage: Yeah.  
 _Kylo: and you want me to come in you_

Armitage can’t fucking _believe_ he told Kylo that. What was he _thinking_?

Armitage: As long as you’re clean.

~~He wants it so bad, wants to feel everything Kylo has to give him, wants to be wrecked, wants to be _claimed_.~~

_Kylo: i am_  
 _Kylo: do you want me to get tested again?_  
Armitage: Yes, please.  
 _Kylo: okay_

\---

Work picks up the closer Christmas comes. Kylo tries to get him to hang out three more times in December, texting him a picture of the results of his STI panel, but it’s just not doable. Armitage is too fucking tired to do anything more than change his sheets and do his laundry on his days off, when they happen.

Then it’s January and most people have exchanged their unwanted gifts and it’s _slow_ and they _keep him_.

Kylo’s the first person he texts about it. He gets a heartfelt congratulations in response and an offer to _celebrate_.

He thinks about texting his father, but decides it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission. His father had accepted his lie about going out with coworkers before, and it’s normal to make friends, _and_ he's an adult now, a week shy of nineteen. It’ll be _fine_.

Kylo picks him up from work that night and they go to his house once again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for edgelord discussion of the catholic church's problem w pedophilia. its not a thing that hux had to deal with kylo is just a dick

It’s half past eleven when they arrive at Kylo’s house. It’s dark inside, just like last time, the only light coming from the little nightlight in the hall. They tiptoe down the stairs into Kylo’s room and Kylo pushes Armitage against the door the instant it’s closed behind them. Armitage doesn’t even get a chance to gasp before Kylo’s lips are on him, his hands squeezing Armitage’s ribs, coaxing his mouth open. His tongue plunges between Armitage’s teeth, making Armitage groan.

He’s already breathing hard, an erection growing in his trousers, by the time he pulls his face away enough a moment later to gasp, “At least let me take off my coat before you _assault_ me, Jesus.”

“‘M not _assaulting_ you,” Kylo grumbles against Armitage’s jaw. He kisses Armitage’s neck and adds, “I’m _kissing_ you.”

Armitage rolls his eyes and retorts, “You have me pinned against your door and all but choked me with your tongue. _Assault_.”

“You liked it,” Kylo says, nudging his hips against Armitage’s. Armitage’s breath hitches and Kylo says smugly, “Yeah, you liked it.”

“Piss off,” Armitage snaps. Kylo just laughs, nose tucked against Armitage’s throat. Armitage smacks Kylo on the shoulder lightly and says, “Let me take off my coat and I’ll let you touch me.”

“You’d let me touch you anyway,” Kylo says, so sure of himself.

Armitage glares at Kylo’s left ear, the closest bit to Kylo’s face he can see in this position, and threatens, “I’ll make you take me home.”

Kylo squats just a bit, weirdly enough, like he’s going to his knees but decides to stop part way, his hands sliding down Armitage’s sides, over his ass, to his thighs. He _pulls_ and Armitage squawks, hands automatically clutching Kylo’s shoulders as Kylo lifts him.

“What the _fuck_?” Armitage bites out.

“I’ve got you,” Kylo says. “Wrap your legs around me.”

“No!” Armitage says. “Put me down.”

“I will,” Kylo promises.

“ _Now_!”

Armitage feels Kylo’s grin against his jaw before he says, “No.”

Armitage does wrap his thighs around Kylo’s waist, if only to kick his heels into Kylo’s arse. Kylo presses him a little harder into the door with his body, adjusting his grip on Armitage’s thighs, before he grunts and pulls away. Armitage squeezes himself tighter to Kylo as his back leaves the door.

“If you drop me, I will murder you,” Armitage grinds out. “I’ll stuff you in a steel drum with lye and _no one will ever find you_.”

Armitage slips a little and absolutely _does not_ shriek. Kylo laughs and a moment later dumps Armitage haphazardly across his bed.

“A drum! With lye!” Armitage says, splayed out. “I’ll chop you into bits too, don’t think I won’t!”

Kylo grins and flips the cuff of Armitage’s trousers up to get at the laces of his boot.

“You’re so cute when you’re angry,” Kylo teases, pulling off one of Armitage’s boots before lifting the other ankle. Armitage huffs and sits up as much as he can with his leg lifted forty-five degrees to struggle out of his coat. Armitage’s other boot meets the floor with a thump then Kylo kneels on the edge of the bed frame to hover over Armitage, between his knees. He folds over Armitage, elbows to either side of his hips, and presses his lips to Armitage’s covered cock.

He smirks up at Armitage as Armitage’s breath hitches and his hips arch. Kylo unbuttons Armitage’s trousers, tugs the zip down, opens the fly to kiss the front of Armitage’s briefs. Armitage gasps and tangles his fingers in Kylo’s thick hair. He knocks his heel against Kylo’s back and says, “Take off your clothes.”

Kylo says, “Alright,” sitting up. He takes Armitage’s trousers with him as he pulls away, leaving Armitage hard in just his jumper, underwear, and socks. It’s not a good look but Kylo still surveys him with a smirk, like he could eat Armitage up with just his eyes.

At least it’s still dark, the only light coming in from the sliding glass doors leading to the back garden and the neighbor's deck light. Kylo’s painted in twilight as he shrugs out of his leather jacket, then the hoodie underneath, before he peels his shirt over his head. Armitage watches greedily, taking in the shift of Kylo’s muscles under his skin. He’s absolutely lovely, hands on the waistband of his jeans, eyes on Armitage in turn.

Armitage props himself up further onto his elbows, spinning one finger as he says, “Go on, them too.”

Kylo winks, the cheeky bastard, and shucks his jeans, leaving himself in just snug boxer briefs, his giant cock barely contained. He strokes himself, hand sliding along the ridge of his cock, as he steps forward, returning to the bed.

Armitage goes to pull his jumper over his head and Kylo puts out a hand, saying, “No, leave it on.”

“Alright,” Armitage says hesitantly. “Why?”

“I can’t handle tiny Jesus looking at me while I try to touch your dick,” Kylo says, lips twitching like he’s trying not to laugh. Armitage glares at him and he adds with a shrug, “Also, I think you’ll look really hot in just your sweater.”

“You know, I am rather surprised you didn’t burst into flame when you saw my cross last time,” Armitage says seriously. Kylo grins.

“There’s a ton of religious things in this house,” Kylo tells him. “I’m immune to Godly goth smiting.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. My rabbi always compliments me on my look so I figure it’s acceptable.”

Armitage stares, then asks, “You’re Jewish?”

“Yeah,” Kylo says, shrugging again. “I don’t really talk about it online coz I don’t want to invite that kind of troll. I already get a bunch of shit for being a gay guy in makeup.”

Kylo lies out on the bed next to Armitage, arms above his head, legs dangling over the edge.

“People are dicks to Catholics online too,” Armitage says. “As though we’re just a monolith of child rapists.”

Kylo’s head falls to the side. He looks at Armitage past the swell of his bicep, grinning, and asks, “Were you an altar boy?”

“I was,” Armitage says, scowling. He doesn’t like where this conversation is headed.

“Were you diddled by your priest?”

Armitage backhands Kylo across the chest and snaps, “No!” He fucking _knew_ Kylo would go there. Kylo laughs and pushes himself up the bed until his head is properly on the pillows, legs folded up to give Armitage room.

“Come here,” Kylo says, patting his thighs.

Armitage rolls onto his front, then climbs up the bed until he’s level with Kylo. Kylo drags him in for a chaste kiss, then says, “Take off your underwear.”

Armitage stands up on his knees and shimmies out of his briefs. Kylo lifts his hips and does the same, lying out like a pale Greek god on the inky blackness of his bedding. His nose ring and lip ring both glint in the low light, flashing just like his eyes as Kylo looks over at Armitage. His hair is fanned out on the pillow, blending in until it looks like he’s emerging from the night sky, inverse stars dotting his skin as moles. His cock lies flushed red against his hip, the only spot of colour on his washed out body.

He’s fucking _beautiful_.

Armitage doesn’t even get his underwear all the way off before Kylo pulls him into his lap. It catches around one socked ankle, forgotten as Armitage gasps at the hot touch of Kylo’s cock against his own. Kylo takes both of them in hand, stroking them slowly, smirking up at Armitage. Armitage clutches at Kylo’s ribs with one hand, the other holding the hem of his jumper up his stomach to keep it out of the way.

“Knew you’d look good in just your sweater,” Kylo says, giving their dicks a firm squeeze.

“Shut up,” Armitage grouses, face heating up. He’s almost too warm in his jumper like this, even with the relative coolness of Kylo’s basement bedroom, but he’ll admit, if only to himself, that he wants to please Kylo. If wearing his stupid jumper during this makes Kylo happy, he’ll do it.

Kylo licks his lips, grinning, and says, “Make me.”

Armitage has batted Kylo’s hand away from their dicks and crawled up his torso, hovering over Kylo’s face, before he’s even thought about a response. Kylo looks up at him with black hole eyes, lips parted softly. Armitage touches Kylo’s jaw with one hand, thumb on his lower lip, just by his lip ring. A flush has risen on Kylo’s cheeks, ruddy in the half light. Kylo swallows hard, lips pressing tightly closed before he obediently opens his mouth without Armitage having to say a word.

Kylo’s mouth is _so_ soft and _so_ warm. Armitage feeds his dick between Kylo’s lips, the tip of his dick bumping the ridges of Kylo’s hard palate. Kylo presses his tongue up against the underside of Armitage’s dick and sucks. Armitage watches Kylo’s cheeks hollow around him. It’s fucking _incredible_.

Armitage thrust shallowly and Kylo groans around him, taking it. He keeps one hand on his stomach, holding his jumper out of the way, and braces the other against the wall just above Kylo’s headboard. Kylo wraps his arms around Armitage’s thighs, half guiding Armitage into fucking his mouth.

Armitage watches his cock go in and out of Kylo’s willing mouth, watches Kylo’s eyelashes flicker, his eyes mostly closed. He’s panting, trembling over Kylo. Kylo’s touch is all that’s grounding him, all that’s keeping him in his body. This is more overwhelming than last time, more intimate than last time.

He likes it so very much.

It’s not just that Kylo gives fantastic head, even in a position that has to be difficult for him. It’s not just that Kylo’s mouth is hot and wet around him, a perfect vacuum of pleasure. It’s not just that he has all the power over Kylo like this, could force Kylo to choke on his cock if he so pleased. It’s that this is _Ben_ , this dickhole who has wormed his way into Armitage’s life and brought him out of his shell. Not just the internet famous makeup artist, but his _friend_.

“Fuck,” Armitage gasps. His thighs quiver, barely able to hold him as he fucks Kylo’s mouth. He slows to a stop, then pulls out, sitting back over Kylo’s stomach. Kylo wipes the drool from his chin with the back of his hand, eyes on Armitage.

“You okay?” Kylo asks. Armitage gives a funny, high pitched little laugh.

“This is just,” he says, panting, “a lot.”

He doesn’t know why he’s so overwhelmed all of a sudden. He still wants to get off, but he doesn’t want to be the one to make the decision on _how_. He wants to put that on Kylo.

~~He wants to _share_ control.~~

“Do you want to stop?” Kylo asks, thumbs rubbing circles on Armitage’s thighs. He stares up at Armitage with his spit shiny lips parted softly, looking concerned. Armitage bites the inside of his cheek and looks away.

“No,” he says. He _doesn’t_. He’s just overwhelmed by all this newness.

~~He wants Kylo to _take_ control.~~

Kylo ghosts his fingers along Armitage’s dick, making Armitage’s breath hitch, his eyes fluttering closed.

“You be on top now,” Armitage says, before he climbs off Kylo and flops out next to him, splayed out like a pillow prince. He’s still shaking a little.

Kylo rolls against Armitage’s side, wrapping an arm around Armitage’s waist, his dick hard against Armitage’s hip. He kisses Armitage’s shoulder. He says, “It’d be significantly easier for you to blow me if I’m on my back.”

“I don’t _want_ to blow you,” Armitage says crossly, frustrated at his own emotions. “I want you to grind against me.”

Kylo snorts and says, “Yes sir. Whatever you want.”

Armitage tugs on Kylo’s arm, trying to pull Kylo over him.

“Come on,” Armitage says, “I haven’t got all night.”

Kylo laughs softly but crawls on top of Armitage, his dick smearing wet precome across Armitage’s hip. He kisses Armitage, nipping at his lip, making him gasp.

“That was really hot, what you did,” Kylo tells him. “Fucking my mouth like that.” He rolls his hips against Armitage’s, hovering over him so close their chests brush when they breath. Kylo continues, saying, “I’m going to think about that a lot when I jerk off.”

Armitage moans. Kylo tucks his face against Armitage’s and licks at his earlobe. It tickles, electric, making Armitage shiver. He wraps his arms around Kylo’s shoulders, hands on his scapula, and Kylo nuzzles at the corner of his jaw as they rut together. It’s incredible having Kylo’s naked body over him, wrapped around him, practically smothering him. He’s so warm. Armitage wants to stay like this, pressed against Kylo, forever.

“God,” Armitage groans. “Jesus. Fuck.”

Kylo laughs a little and says, “You’re a little blasphemous, aren’t you?”

“I mean, I’m already sinning a lot as it is,” Armitage says. Kylo kisses his neck.

“Are you going to confess to doing this to your priest?” Kylo asks, sounding far too pleased by the prospect of that. Armitage rolls his eyes.

“No,” he says. “No one else needs to know the details of my sex life.”

“So you’re keeping it all a secret,” Kylo teases.

“No one else really knows I’m gay, Kylo,” Armitage says seriously. “Of course I’m keeping it a secret.”

Armitage can feel the muscles in Kylo’s stomach jump.

“Do you like that?” Armitage asks. “Being my horrible, shameful, secret sin?”

Kylo snorts again and says, “Not especially. I hope there’s _someone_ you can talk to.”

Armitage squeezes Kylo closer to his chest, kissing his ear.

“There’s you,” he says, “and Phasma, my friend.”

“Good. Secret’s suck,” Kylo says, then, “Hold on, I’m gonna get my lube.”

He pulls away, shuffling across the bed on his knees to dig in the drawer of his side table for lube. Armitage feels so cold without him, goosebumps rising along his bare legs.

“You’re going to have to give me another shirt,” Armitage says. His jumper is rucked up around his waist, so their precome hasn’t dribbled onto it yet, but if he keeps it on, he’s sure it’ll get covered in come anyways.

“Is that a bad thing?” Kylo asks, looking over at him with a grin. His eyes are soft, fond. Armitage has to look away, unable to handle how sweet Kylo is being.

“Soon you won’t have any shirts left,” Armitage says. Kylo laughs and lays back down on top of him. Armitage’s arms immediately go back around his shoulders, holding them close together. The tip of Kylo’s dick bumps Armitage’s hip as he hovers over Armitage, burning hot against Armitage’s cooled skin.

Kylo kisses him, then says, “I need to sit up.”

Armitage doesn’t want to let him go, but does so anyway, barely even hesitating. Kylo sits back ass over one of Armitage’s knees. He smirks at Armitage as he pops the cap on the lube and pours some out on his fingers. The first slide of his hand on Armitage’s dick is heavenly. Armitage’s eyes flutter closed as he gasps, Kylo slowly, gently stroking him.

With his clean hand, Kylo nudges Armitage’s sweater up higher, until he reveals Armitage’s nipples. He leans in and takes one in his mouth, flicking the tip of his tongue against it until it’s hard. Armitage’s breath hitches. He squirms under Kylo, clawing closer to his orgasm.

“God,” Armitage groans. He can feel Kylo’s lips quirk up into a smile against his chest, his hand twisting along Armitage’s cock beautifully with a flick of his wrist. Armitage clutches at Kylo’s shoulders, trying really hard not to dig his nails in to the soft flesh under his own hands. He says, emphatically, “ _Fuck_.”

Kylo chuckles and pulls away from Armitage’s chest. Armitage lets his hands fall back against the bed as Kylo sits up again.

“Fuck you’re hot,” Kylo says, licking his lips as he looks down at Armitage, squeezing his dick. Armitage flushes. He’s stuck by the want to tug his jumper down, to hide himself from Kylo’s gaze. The want frustrates him so he thrusts his hips into Kylo’s fist and moans instead, throwing himself into Kylo’s touch.

“Fucking come here, will you?” Armitage says, holding his arms out, reaching for Kylo. Kylo grins and climbs between his thighs, folding over him, pressing his dick to Armitage’s, taking them both in hand. Armitage squeezes his thighs around Kylo’s hips, sighing, so fucking pleased. 

Kylo feels so good against him, hot and hard. Kylo’s hand moves fast over their dicks, his mouth kissing wetly against Armitage’s neck. The hand of the arm Kylo’s propped up on cups Armitage’s chest, thumb rubbing over his nipple. It’s so much, too much, overwhelming. It doesn’t take long for Armitage to choke on air, clawing at Kylo’s back, his dick pulsing as he comes. Kylo shivers over him, moaning as Armitage spills onto his own stomach. Once Armitage is done, Kylo drops his dick in favour of his own, going at it hard, hand flying over his cock as he chases after his own end.

“Bite me,” Kylo says, “ _please_.”

Armitage doesn’t think about it, just turns his head and sinks his teeth into the side of Kylo’s neck. Kylo hisses, then groans, and adds his own release to the mess on Armitage’s skin.

Kylo tucks his forehead against Armitage's shoulder, breathing hard. Armitage rubs his hands across Kylo’s back, smoothing over his warm skin. He refuses to think of it as _petting_ , but it's the same soothing path his hand takes over Millie.

Kylo turns his head, presses a kiss to the side of Armitages neck before sitting up. He looks fucked out. That's the only way Armitage can think to describe the blissful look on his face.

“You're fucking beautiful,” Kylo says. Armitage scowls and looks away and Kylo insists, “You are!”

“I had _sex_ in my _socks_!” Armitage snaps, hands covering his hot face. Kylo looks down at Armitage's feet and makes a little _huh_ sound.

“So?” he asks.

“Only losers have sex in their socks.”

Kylo laughs and says, “What about thigh highs? Those are hot.” Armitage groans and Kylo presses, “ _Could_ I put you in thigh highs?”

“Why would you want me in thigh highs?” Armitage grumbles.

“Uh, maybe because you're sex on legs and those legs go on forever?” Kylo tells him seriously. Armitage scoffs.

“I'm not that attractive,” he says.

“Are you kidding me?” Kylo asks. “Like, okay, you dress like a dad with just a dash of professor, so that could be improved but overall you're pretty hot. You've got good bone structure and you're tall and slender and your hair is very pretty when it's not glued to your head. You're hot, end of story.”

Armitage bites his lip, refusing to look at Kylo. He has a hard time believing Kylo; no one has ever thought of him as _attractive_ before, apart from the occasional misguided girl in middle school. He's always been the over achieving arsehole. No one's ever really _liked_ him. He doesn't know what to do about it.

Kylo folds back over him, kissing his cheek, his jaw, his ear.

“ _I_ think you're beautiful,” Kylo says, voice low.

Armitage can't help but snipe, “Well, you're not very bright then, are you?”

Kylo melts against him, overcome with laughter.

“You're such a dick,” he says, sounding entirely too fond.

“Yes,” Armitage grouses, “so I don’t know why you like me.”

Kylo pulls away just far enough for Armitage to see his wide grin, his eyes bright and crinkled up at the corners, sincere.

“I gotta have someone who can keep up with me,” Kylo says before nudging Armitage’s head to face him so he can kiss Armitage on the lips. Then Kylo says, “I eat nice boys for breakfast,” and Armitage can’t help his surprised laugh.

“I’m sure you do,” Armitage says, patting Kylo on the shoulder. Kylo kisses him again, deeply this time, coaxing Armitage’s lips apart so he can press his tongue into Armitage’s mouth. It’s still a lazy kiss, their lips and tongues moving more or less in synch. Armitage isn’t fully convinced he’s any _good_ at kissing but he thinks he manages, following Kylo’s lead like it’s a dance.

Kylo pulls away and says, voice soft, “Let me clean you up.”

“Alright,” Armitage says.

Kylo climbs over Armitage’s thigh and off the bed, digging through the laundry basket tucked against the wall by the sliding glass door. He tugs out a towel and walks back over. Armitage still can’t get over how beautiful he is, how at ease he is in his own skin, naked and glowing backlit by the moonlight.

Kylo comes back to stand at the side of the bed, towel in hand. Armitage raises an arm to take the towel from him but Kylo just wipes at Armitage’s stomach for him, mopping up their combined mess. Armitage bites his lip, his face heating up. He doesn’t know _why_ ; Kylo isn’t even being particularly tender about it. It’s a perfunctory cleaning, straight to the point.

He does bend over to press his lips against the head of Armitage’s soft dick though. Armitage pushes his head away and grumbles, “Stop that.”

Kylo stands up straight again and smirks, placing his hand over Armitage’s dick. His thumb rubs over the frenulum, making Armitage’s foreskin slide, providing just enough stimulation to feel _good_.

“I have to go _home_ ,” Armitage says, voice bordering on breathless.

“Yeah?” Kylo says. “When?”

Armitage swats Kylo’s hand away from his thickening dick and says, “Now, you prick.”

Kylo laughs and teases, “Aw, I don’t get cuddles?”

“No,” Armitage says, propping himself up on his elbows. “You get to be stuffed in a drum with lye, remember?”

“You’re so sweet to me,” Kylo says, grinning. He squeezes Armitage’s thigh, his fingers lingering as he pulls away. He tilts his head and says, quite candidly, “I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay the night.”

Armitage flushes and looks away. He says, “I can’t.” He probably shouldn’t even be here _now_. Who knows how long his father will find ‘dinner with coworkers’ as an acceptable excuse. 

~~He wants to stay though, wants to be pressed against Kylo’s warm, nude body all night.~~

No, all they get are these short, ill-advised trysts so late at night it’s almost morning again.

Armitage sits up fully, slinging his feet over the edge of the bed. Kylo sets his hands on Armitage’s knees. Armitage doesn't look Kylo in the face. There’s no way he’d be able to handle Kylo’s inevitable beseeching look, his sad, brown eyes begging Armitage to stay. 

“Where’d my pants go?” Armitage asks, more to himself than anything.

“They’re on the floor on the other side of the bed,” Kylo supplies helpfully.

Armitage scoots to the side and slides off the bed, close enough to Kylo that their shoulders brush. He circles the bed, ignoring how Kylo’s eyes follow him, and peers down to the floor. The bed casts a harsh shadow, black over the dark rug on the hardwood floor.

“I don’t see them,” Armitage says. “Could you get the lights?”

He does turn to watch Kylo make his way over to the lightswitch, horror bubbling up in his gut as he sees what he’s done. The lights come on, dim, but bright enough to see the eight red welts striping Kylo’s back.

“Fuck,” Armitage says.

Kylo looks back and asks, “Everything okay?”

“You,” Armitage starts before covering his face and saying, “I scratched you.”

Kylo sounds amused when he goes, “Oh?” Armitage brings his hands down just in time to see him twist in front of the full length mirror on the wall, smirking as he looks at the damage Armitage did to his back. He lifts a hand and runs his fingers over the top edge of the welts before looking back at Armitage. He says, “You did a number on me,” smugly. 

“Sorry,” Armitage says automatically. He’s not quite sure why he’s apologizing, considering Kylo seems utterly pleased to be bearing Armitage’s marks.

Kylo comes back to him, saying, “It’s alright,” as he crosses the room. He kisses Armitage on the tip of his nose, smiling as Armitage makes a face, hands on Armitage’s hips under his jumper. He adds, “I like it.” Then he tilts his head and says, “Look, teeth marks.”

Armitage groans and shoves him away. Kylo laughs as he stumbles back two steps.

“Where are my bloody pants?” Armitage grumbles, turning his eyes back to the floor. They’re not there; just his trousers and his boots. He looks across the bed, then steps back around it to look on the floor on the other side. They’re not there either. He looks up at Kylo, bewildered, and says, “I can’t find my underwear.”

Kylo laughs and says, “Guess you’ll have to go without them,” then lifts an eyebrow, smirking as he adds, “Or you could stay.”

“No,” Armitage says, grimacing at the thought of what his father would do if he didn’t come home. He doesn’t miss the way Kylo’s face falls. “It’s not—I’m not—” Armitage says, trying to tell him that it’s because his father wouldn’t want him to without letting Kylo know exactly just what kind of prick his father is. He settles on just, “I’m expected home.”

“Couldn’t you text your parents and let them know?” Kylo asks. He’s still fucking naked, leaning a hip against the footboard of his bed. 

“I can’t really ask permission if no one’s awake to _grant_ permission,” Armitage says. He pulls the hem of his sweater down, covering himself as he averts his eyes and admits, “I’d like to. I just. Can’t.”

“Okay, well. Offer’s always open,” Kylo says, thankfully dropping it. “Let’s get you home.”

\---

Ben finds Armitage’s underwear three days later when he strips his bed to change his sheets. He texts Armitage to let him know and gets back a _Thank the Lord_ that he’s not sure if it’s ironic or not. It still gets a laugh out of him. He’s hilariously entertained by how bad of a Catholic Armitage is. 

His messages to Armitage sit open on his phone all day, taunting him. He’s enamoured with Armitage. He really fucking likes him, wants to spend as much time with him as possible. He wants to take Armitage on _dates_ before he fucks him. It’s been almost two months since they kissed for the first time and he’s _still_ waiting for Armitage to give in and say he likes Ben back.

Ben knows he does, can read it in the way he acts but he’s still so nervous. Ben has never had to wait for a guy for so long. Usually he can ask a guy out and get either a definitive yes or no. 

He’s also never fuck someone without also dating him and that just sits weird in his gut. He’s not going to stop; he wants Armitage enough that he’ll take what he can get, will do whatever makes Armitage comfortable.

But he still wants to take Armitage out on a date.

He gives in and texts Armitage after he’s done editing for the day. It’s almost seven, around the usual time Ben texts him, asking him if he wants to get dinner together later.

He has to wait almost an hour before he gets a reply.

_Armitage: I work tonight._  
Ben: so?  
Ben: we can go when you’re off  
Ben: how do gyros sound?  
Ben: i know a place that’s open late

He has to wait another ten minutes before Armitage replies, just saying _Alright_.

Ben feels triumphant, like he does every time he gets Armitage to do something with him. It’s fucking _exciting_ seeing this gorgeous boy come further out of his shell. He gets another text, letting him know when Armitage will be off. He has a while still, so he futzes around, updating social media, picking up his room, putting away the makeup he left on his vanity this morning.

By the time he needs to leave, he’s been wearing his make up for a good seven hours, so he takes a moment to touch it up before he shrugs into his jacket.

He’s a little early, but the store is closed so he just parks right in front of the doors to wait. Armitage comes out almost ten minutes later, backpack shrugged over one shoulder. Ben catches the looks his coworkers give Armitage as Armitage climbs into the car with him. Ben’s car isn’t _flashy_ exactly, but it is nice, nicer than someone his age could usually afford, nicer than anything in Armitage’s neighborhood, nicer than anything Armitage should be getting into. He almost comments on it, almost makes a joke about how Armitage’s coworkers probably think he has a sugar daddy, but he bites his tongue at the last minute. He figures that is probably a joke Armitage would not appreciate. Ben doubts he’d be okay with the mere thought of someone he knows thinking they’re together.

Armitage’s shitty parents could easily come into this Target. Ben doesn’t want them to hear about them from strangers.

(Armitage probably doesn’t want his parents to hear about _them_ at all.)

Ben waits until he’s pulled away from the store, waiting to turn back onto the road, to take Armitage’s hand in his own, pulling it to his mouth to kiss Armitage’s knuckles.

“Hey,” he says, glancing over. Armitage is staring hard out the windshield. 

“Hullo,” Armitage says in reply. His cheeks are just the tiniest bit pink. Ben loves that Armitage reacts like this to even the tiniest bit of affection, but throws himself headlong into any sex they have.

“How was work?” Ben asks as he turns onto the road. Armitage goes off, bitching colourfully over the various assholes he had to deal with today. Ben will never get tired of the venom in Armitage’s voice as he talks about stupid people. It’s the funniest fucking thing.

Almost twenty minutes later, Armitage asks, “Where are we even going anyway?”

“To get gyros,” Ben says, looking over to smirk at him.

“Yes, you said that,” Armitage says, “but _where_?”

“North Seattle,” Ben tells him. He can see Armitage stare at him out of the corner of his eye.

“Do you really have to drag me all over all the time?” he asks after a moment.

“Do you want to eat shitty fast food in my car? Or do you want to sit down and have a killer gyro?” Ben asks.

“I’m sure we don’t need to go all the way to fucking _north Seattle_ ,” Armitage grouses.

“Not much is open this late outside of Seattle,” Ben tells him. “And this is more in the Shoreline area. Not too far away.”

Armitage heaves a sigh and says, “I suppose it’s too late now anyway.”

“Yup.”

“Fine,” Armitage says. Ben can practically hear him roll his eyes. It really is too late. Ben is already pulling off the freeway, headed towards Aurora. A couple of minutes later and they pull into a parking lot.

It’s a little building in a motel parking lot. It’s cold but bright, lights lining the street and neon in the window of the gyro place. Ben reaches for Armitage’s hand as they walk up to the door and _gets it_ , their fingers twining together.

“Good evening!” the guy behind the counter calls as they enter. Ben greets him back and hands Armitage a menu.

“Have you had a gyro before?” Ben asks.

“No,” Armitage, making that face that has Ben assume the why has something to do with his dad.

“They’re good,” Ben says. “Seasoned beef and lamb with lettuce, onion, and tomato in a pita. Oh, and tzatziki, which is yoghurt based. It’s not bad, but I don’t ever get it ‘cause it’s not kosher, so I don’t really remember what it tastes like.”

“How is yoghurt not kosher?” Armitage asks, eyebrows furrowed.

“Meat and dairy together,” Ben answers, shrugging.

 

Armitage looks at him, eyes narrowed for a long moment, before he says, “You had a _milkshake_ with a _burger_!”

“That,” Ben says, laughing, “was two separate meals. I had a burger _and then_ a milkshake.”

Armitage covers his eyes with one hand, but he’s laughing, a grin curving up under his palm.

“You are absolutely ridiculous,” he says, “and I cannot believe that is an actual argument.”

“I’m just shitting you,” Ben says, nudging Armitage’s shoulder. “I had a tofu burger, remember?”

“No, I was too busy trying not to hyperventilate when you were ordering to pay attention.”

“I knew you liked me then!” Ben says, grinning.

“I—” Armitage pauses, glancing over at the cook cleaning the counter before he raises the menu to cover their faces and furiously whispers, “I’ve been masturbating to the thought of you for two years and you _know_ that, you shit.”

Ben grins and swoops in to peck Armitage on the lips. Armitage pulls back, glaring, and whaps Ben in the face with the menu, making Ben laugh. He pulls Armitage up to the counter by his hand and orders for them, only dropping Armitage’s hand to pull out his wallet.

“I can pay for myself, you know,” Armitage grumbles as they take a seat at one of the tables.

“Yeah, but then I couldn’t ask if this is a date,” Ben replies, grinning. Armitage rolls his eyes. Ben presses, “Is it?”

“I refuse to dignify that with an answer.”

“That’s not a no,” Ben practically sings, placing his hand on Armitage’s where it sits on top of the table. Armitage focuses on their hands, his cheeks flushing.

“I—” Armitage starts. He pauses to lick his lips, then lowers his voice to say, “I don’t, I’ve never done this before.”

“I know,” Ben says, stroking his thumb over Armitage’s knuckles. “It’s okay.”

He looks up at Ben, imploring, and asks, “What do I _do_?”

“Is this a date?”

“I, I suppose it could be,” Armitage says, looking down again.

“Do you want me to be your boyfriend?”

“Well—”

Ben cuts him off, asking, “ _Do you_?”

“I mean, _yeah_ ,” Armitage admits, scowling.

“Well there we go,” Ben says, grinning. “I'm your boyfriend. No take-backs.”

Armitage snorts and rolls his eyes. He says, “I can't believe you bullied me into dating.”

“Are you really surprised though?” Ben asks. He knows he's a bit pushy. He likes to call himself _determined_.

“Well, no, not really,” Armitage says. “It's just…”

“Just what?” Ben presses when Armitage doesn't continue.

“I don't much look like the kind of person someone like you would go for,” Armitage says, staring hard at Ben's hand over his.

“I told you,” Ben says, leaning in, grinning, “I eat nice boys for breakfast.”

Armitage pushes him away with a hand planted on his forehead.

“So you’ve said. However, I’m not so sure I don't fit the mold. I mean, look at me.” Armitage flips his free hand, gesturing to his buttoned up peacoat and khaki slacks. He says, “We don't really _match_.”

Ben shrugs and says, “Yeah, but how much of how you dress is your choice?”

Armitage opens his mouth to argue, eyes narrowed at Ben, but then he looks away and grimaces. “Not much,” he admits. Ben gives his hand a squeeze.

“Well, there you go,” he says. “Besides, if you watch my channel, I'm sure you're at least a _little_ goth deep down.”

The cook sets two takeout boxes on the counter and calls out to them. Ben hops off his high chair and goes to grab them, thanking the cook. He hears Armitage grumble, “I watch your videos because you're attractive, you arse,” behind his back and can't help but smile.

“And now I’m your boyfriend,” Ben says as he comes back, handing Armitage his gyro.

“Yes, I suppose that's true now, isn't it?” Armitage muses. “I wonder who won the bet.”

“Moira, I think,” Ben says, opening his dinner. “She guessed about two months while everyone else figured a couple of weeks. It's been about three. Months, that is, since we met. Been two-ish since we kissed.”

“Of course you know that off the top of your head,” Armitage grouses. Ben grins at him, stabbing a fork through his gyro fries. Armitage sighs and opens his gyro, looking at it dubiously. He asks, “This is going to be messy too, isn't it?”

“Yeah, probably,” Ben says, jamming meat and fries into his mouth. Armitage just sighs.

He doesn't do too bad. He manages to keep everything more or less contained in the paper, the tail tucked up with his fingers. Ben is impressed. The first time he had a gyro he wound up with meat and lettuce all over his lap.

“What do you think?” Ben asks when Armitage is about halfway done. Armitage grunts around his mouthful, making Ben laugh. He says, “That good, huh?”

Armitage swallows, wipes his mouth with a napkin, and says, “I'm eating it, aren't I?”

Ben laughs again and says, “I suppose that's true.” Armitage takes another bite, focused on his food. Ben runs his teeth over his lip ring and asks, “Do you wanna come home with me again tonight?”

Armitage looks over at him, chewing thoughtfully. After a moment's consideration, he says, “Alright. I can't stay long though so we'll have to be quick about it.”

Ben smiles and touches Armitage's shoulder, giving it a squeeze before sliding his hand down Armitage's back.

By the time they finish eating it's a quarter to midnight. It's almost a quarter past by the time they stumble into Ben's room, Ben unable to keep his hands off Armitage. 

Armitage squirms away and starts peeling off his layers. He says, “Alright, let's get to it,” brusque and to the point. Ben laughs and starts stripping too, his jackets then his boots then his shirt. He's very aware of Armitage's eyes on him, watching in between taking off his own clothes. Ben watches him back shamelessly, taking in all that soft, pale skin Armitage reveals.

They're both half hard by the time they're naked. Ben scoops Armitage's face up in his hands, kissing him, then pulls back the covers. Armitage climbs in under his blankets quickly, like he's truly chilled. Ben crawls in after him, hands on him, moving him just the way Ben wants him.

Ben settles in behind Armitage, tucking one arm under Armitage's head, the other around his waist, pulling them close together. Being pressed against Armitage's bare ass makes Ben’s dick fill out more, but he just nuzzles his nose against the nape of Armitage's neck, kissing the vertebrae that sticks out. 

Armitage presses his ass harder against Ben’s dick and asks, “Aren't you going to touch me?”

“I am touching you,” Ben says, squeezing Armitage around the middle.

“No, I mean—”

“I know what you mean,” Ben interrupts, “but we don't have to have sex every time we see each other. Sometimes it's nice to just be close.”

“That is horrifically sappy,” Armitage grumbles. Ben snorts.

“You _are_ my boyfriend now,” he says. “I’m allowed to be sappy.”

Armitage just sighs. They stay like that for a long moment and it is _nice_. Ben had forgotten how nice it is to just cuddle someone, warm under a pile of blankets, nothing to worry about.

Well, Ben supposes they have to worry about Armitage's shitty parents at least a little.

Then Armitage squirms and says, “I _am_ hard though, and so are you.”

“You have hands,” Ben says, shrugging. “I’m good like this.”

“So you want me to wank by myself?” Armitage asks, sounding put out.

“Maybe I wanna watch.”

“How do you expect to see anything? We’re under blankets.” Armitage is definitely grumpy, upset that he’s not getting his way. Ben shrugs again and Armitage huffs, making Ben snicker. 

“You’re so needy,” he teases, kissing the back of Armitage’s neck.

“Well, _excuse me_ for being sexually interested in you.”

Ben laughs and squeezes Armitage tighter against him, grinding his definitely interested dick against Armitage’s ass, making Armitage gasp. Then he lets go and rolls away, digging for his lube. Armitage rolls with him, laying on his back, watching Ben. Ben wiggles the lube at him and says, “Alright, you get your wish. Roll back onto your side.”

Armitage listens without hesitation, merely licking his lips as he does what he’s bid. Ben takes his place behind him again, slicking his dick. He scoots down a little, so his hips are just below Armitage’s and presses his dick in the hollow between the juncture of Armitage’s legs and his taint.

Armitage’s breath hitches as Ben slides between his thighs, automatically squeezing them together. Ben kisses his spine, slick hand going to Armitage’s dick, touching him in time to his gentle thrusts. 

It feels good, having Armitage like this, a step removed from real fucking, easing him into things. He can’t wait until he gets to sink into Armitage for real, until he can have him fully, until he can take away the last shreds of Armitage’s virginity. He’s still so fucking thrilled that no one’s ever touched Armitage, that Armitage gets to experience all his firsts with Ben, that Ben gets to _teach him_. It’s a heady power trip.

“You should just stay,” Ben says. “Let me cuddle you all night. It’s _cold_ without you here.”

“I would, but I have to be home in the morning,” Armitage sighs.

“I know,” Ben says, absolutely not whining.

(He does want Armitage to spend the night, so much it almost hurts knowing he’ll have to take him home soon.)

Armitage clamps his thighs together around Ben’s dick, making Ben moan.

“We have to hurry,” Armitage says. “I can’t risk getting home too late.”

He says it in such a way that Ben thinks he thinks he’ll be forbidden from doing anything besides going to work if he’s caught. For all Ben knows, it’s true, and that makes rage burn hot in his gut.

Ben pulls out from between Armitage’s thighs and guides him onto his back, climbing into Armitage’s lap. He brings their dicks together, wrapping his hand around them, and jerks them off. Armitage gasps and moans, taking it for a long moment before he reaches up, tugs on Ben’s shoulder, and says, “Come _here_ , will you?”

Ben folds over him, letting Armitage kiss him, arms around his neck. Armitage’s kissing is sloppy with Ben touching him, sloppier than usual, but Ben’s sure he’s no better. He’s focused on just getting them off with no fucking around.

“Fuck,” Armitage says. “God.”

Ben snickers, still so amused that this good Catholic boy is here in his bed, naked as they touch each other. 

Armitage slaps him on the shoulder though and goes, “Don’t laugh at me, you arse.”

That just makes Ben laugh harder, kissing Armitage’s neck. Armitage sighs, though he arches up into Ben’s touch too, tilting his head to give Ben more room.

“Sorry,” Ben says brightly.

“No you’re not,” Armitage grumbles. It’s true; Ben really isn’t.

“You’re just so cute when you’re mad,” Ben tells him, nipping at the edge of Armitage’s soft jaw. Armitage sighs again and Ben continues, saying, “You’re fucking hot when you’re like this though, letting me touch you, letting me defile you—”

“I’m not some delicate flower,” Armitage interjects, put out.

Ben hushes him, saying, “But you are a virgin. Just let me have my fantasy, okay?”

Armitage huffs, then gasps as Ben bites his shoulder, just over his collar bone.

“Don’t leave any marks on me, you cock,” Armitage scolds. Ben kisses the spot he bit—it’ll be maybe a little red for a day but it shouldn’t really colour. He’s being careful.

“I love your pet names,” Ben murmurs, kissing up Armitage’s neck to his ear. He flicks his tongue out against the lobe and continues, “You’re so nice to me.”

That makes Armitage snort before he says, “Quit distracting me. We’re supposed to be getting off.”

“You’re the one who started it, yelling at me for enjoying you,” Ben teases, flicking his wrist around their cocks the way he’s pretty sure Armitage likes.

Armitage gasps, then says, “You were _laughing_ at me.”

“Because I _like_ you.”

Armitage huffs and tucks his face against Ben’s neck, holding him tight. Ben can feel the light scratch of Armitage’s nails against his back as he opens and closes his fists, trying so hard not to hurt Ben.

“You feel so good,” Ben whispers, kissing Armitage just in front of his ear. “I love touching you, love having you against me like this. You’re perfect.”

Armitage scoffs, then moans, “Hardly.”

“You are for me,” Ben says.

“Fuck,” Armitage gasps again, squirming under Ben.

“Say my name,” Ben commands, voice soft in Armitage’s ear.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Armitage says, “God, Kylo, _Ben_.”

Then he shivers, dick pulsing in Ben’s grasp, and bites Ben in the same spot he did three days ago, hard, making Ben grunt. He speeds up his hand, trying to get himself off as soon as possible, trying to be as close to in sync with Armitage as possible. Armitage releases Ben’s neck from between his teeth and gasps, little _ah_ s of pleasure as he spills across Ben’s flying fingers and his own stomach, his nails digging sharp lines in Ben’s shoulders. Dimly, he can hear buzzing, his blood vibrating in his veins. 

“Fuck,” Ben says, switching to just jerking himself off as Armitage finishes. Armitage continues to hold him close, kissing his neck, petting his shoulders. Ben gasps and groans and finishes himself, adding to the mess on Armitage’s stomach.

Armitage heaves a huge sigh once Ben droops against him, then murmurs against Ben’s shoulder, “We should probably leave now. I should have been home ages ago.”

Ben kisses Armitage’s cheekbone, his ear, his sideburn, anywhere he can reach without moving.

“I don’t want you to go,” he sighs, basking in the afterglow, in how close they are.

“I know,” Armitage says. “I wish I didn’t have to.”

It’s as close to a freely given admission of Armitage actually caring for Ben as a partner as Ben’s ever gotten from him. Ben kisses Armitage all over again, then pulls away, just enough to kiss him on the lips.

“What have you been telling your parents?” he asks.

“That I’ve been going out for dinner with coworkers after we close,” Armitage says simply, shrugging. Ben sits up.

“Do you lie to your parents a lot?” Ben asks.

Armitage gives Ben a pinched lip smile, like he’s saying _I have to_. He tells Ben, “Not all of us have understanding parents.”

Ben leans in to kiss him again, to get a softer, nicer expression on Armitage’s beautiful face, then climbs off his lap.

“Let’s get you home then.”


	9. Chapter 9

Armitage: I liked you fucking my thighs.  
Armitage: Next time I want to try anal.  
 _Kylo: fuck babe, okay_  
 _Kylo: we can definitely do that if you want_  
 _Kylo: how do you want it?_

\---

He finds he has a missed call from his father as Kylo drives him home after their… he hesitates to call it a date but that’s what it was, wasn’t it? He immediately texts back, apologizing, saying he went out for dinner with coworkers again but his phone was still on silent, that he’ll be home soon.

He hopes it’ll be enough.

\--- 

**StarKiller**  
I’m going to be properly fucked the next time I see Kylo.  
We’ve already agreed that it’ll happen.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
good for you  
i do not want to hear the details

**StarKiller**  
That’s fair.  
I’m still fucking amazed that this is happening.  
It seems like a stupid fanfic premise.

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
lol  
you would know, wouldn’t you?

**StarKiller**  
This is absolutely bonkers.  
When did my life turn into an 40k meet-cute?

**that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
apx the beginning of november lol

**StarKiller**  
That was not a real question.

\---

Armitage: I’ve always heard that face down is easiest.  
 _Kylo: eh it depends on the person_  
 _Kylo: is that what you want though?_  
 _Kylo: for me to pin you down and drive into you with my fat cock?_  
Armitage: Yes.  
 _Kylo: you’re a slutty bottom bitch boy, aren’t you? ;)_  
Armitage: Piss off.

\---

His father doesn’t say anything about the missed call. Armitage fucking _waits_ for it but it never happens. He can’t believe his luck.

\---

Armitage ignores Kylo’s texts for two days. He finally gives in to the notification on his phone and opens their messages, finding first _please babe, i miss you_. He scrolls up to the oldest new message and finds it’s a fucking joke about _golden showers_ and decides to ignore him for a little longer.

\---

It’s Tuesday, so Kylo uploads a new video. Armitage can hardly pay attention because there’s a very obvious, purpling bite mark right on the side of Kylo’s neck and all Armitage can think is _I put that there_. He’s one part horrified, but deeper down, he finds himself utterly pleased to have claimed Kylo so visibly.

\---

“You’ve been going out with your coworkers after work quite a bit, haven’t you?” Maratelle says pleasantly over lunch, after they’ve gotten home from this morning’s Mass.

“Yeah, uh,” Armitage says, scrambling for something to say. “I seem to be getting on with a couple of people quite well.” A flash of inspiration strikes him, and he adds, “Actually, we were thinking of maybe getting together to play that game I like. In person. Would that be alright?” He aims this last bit at his father, who studies him critically.

Armitage is convinced he’s going to say no, but eventually his father says, “If you must. Just don’t let it interfere with your work schedule.”

“No sir,” Armitage says, fighting a smile. “It won’t.”

\---

The bruise is still there in Kylo’s Friday video, just as dark as in his Tuesday video. It’s a foundation first impressions video, Kylo trying out little samples of two new foundations. Kylo keeps _touching_ the bruise as he does his intro, explaining how he’s almost out of his usual and he’s been meaning to try these two because they’re actually pretty fucking light and he hates mixing foundations. Armitage doesn’t pay much attention, too focused on the fact that Kylo is bringing attention to the bruise _Armitage_ left on him, showing the whole fucking world.

~~He likes that people know Kylo’s been claimed.~~

\---

Armitage: I thought of a way I could stay over.  
 _Kylo: oh?_  
Armitage: Yes.  
Armitage: We're going to play D&D as coworkers.  
 _Kylo: lol_  
Armitage: My father might want to meet the host though if I’m to stay over.  
 _Kylo: i could ask aria_  
 _Kylo: she was a theater geek in high school_  
 _Kylo: also she looks mostly normal lol_  
Armitage: That might actually work.

\--- 

“We’ve figured out a plan for our game night,” Armitage tentatively says over dinner. His father grunts, signalling him to continue. “Aria is going to come get me around six next Wednesday then drop me off the next morning before her shift.”

His father goes _hmm_ then asks, “Who all is going to be there?”

“Ah,” Armitage starts. That's not a question he was anticipating. “Ben, Dinah, and I. Maybe also Aria’s little brother? She said he's interested but he's also like fifteen so he might not actually play.”

“She lives with her parents?” Maratelle asks. Armitage didn't insinuate that on purpose but it works.

“Yeah,” he says. His father _hmm_ s again.

“We'll have to meet this Aria first,” his father says.

“Of course,” Armitage replies. 

It worked. Armitage can't believe it worked.


	10. Chapter 10

There's a knock on the door two minutes before six. Armitage answers it, finding Aria outside in a pink jumper and jeans. There's a little gold cross sitting just below the dip of her clavicle. It's a nice touch. She grins up at him and asks, “Ready to go?”

“Just about,” Armitage says, stepping aside to let her in. Maratelle sweeps out of the kitchen just as Armitage closes the door.

“You must be Aria,” she says.

Aria steps past Armitage, holding her hand out. She says, “It's a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”

Maratelle smiles, genuinely pleased. Armitage isn't too surprised; Maratelle is the nice parent. His father is the one Aria really needs to impress.

“Come say goodbye to your father before you go, Armitage,” Maratelle says. Armitage nods and leads the way to his father.

His father stands as they enter the TV room, stern faced. Aria doesn't seem phased but nerves crawl like beetles under Armitage's skin. 

Aria sticks her hand out again, all sunny smiles.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, sir,” she says, “and thank you for letting us steal Armitage for the night.”

Armitage's father shakes her hand, squinting dubiously.

“What, exactly, are your plans for the night?” he asks.

“We’re going to order pizza and start playing by about eight, go til midnight or so, then go to bed. Ben and Armitage are going to be in my parent's guest room and Dinah will be in my room with me. I figure I’ll have him home by about ten tomorrow?”

“And I trust you’ll let me know when you're home?” his father says, directed at Armitage.

“Yes, sir,” he says dutifully.

His father is silent for a long moment. Armitage digs his nails into his palms behind his back as he stands in parade rest, waiting for the blade to drop.

“Alright,” his father says finally, “off you go.”

It takes everything Armitage has not to let out a sigh of relief. He says, “Thank you, sir,” and bobs his head before he and Aria turn back to the door. 

Armitage scoops up his overnight bag and they _leave_.

It's not Kylo's car that waits for them outside. It's a shitty white Camry with a dent in the rear fender, but Kylo sits inside, in the back seat. He grins at Armitage as Armitage slides into the passenger seat.

“Hey,” Kylo says.

“Hello to you too,” Armitage replies. Kylo reaches forward and squeezes Armitage's shoulder. 

Aria starts the car and pulls away from the curb.

She's a terrifying driver.

They get to where they're going in one piece, parking outside a dingy apartment about twenty minutes south, though Armitage has to pry his fingers out of the death grip he had on the door.

Kylo waits for him to climb out of the car, leaning in close once he stands to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Armitage makes a face and shoos Kylo away, making Kylo laugh even as Aria says, “Gross.”

She leads the way up a set of stairs to a door that still has a tinsel Halloween wreath on it, sliding a key into the lock to open it. Inside is warm and smells both like baked goods and something earthy he can’t quite place. Kylo ushers him in with a hand at the small of his back when he hesitates.

“C’mon,” Kylo murmurs, “they don't bite.”

Armitage heaves a sigh but walks deeper into the apartment. Dinah comes out of the kitchen to the left with a plate of cookies and smiles at them.

“This is Moira,” Aria says, pointing at the tan girl with long twin braids sitting cross legged on the couch, adding “and Sebastian,” as she shifts her hand to aim at the man sitting in the armchair. Moira grins and Sebastian lifts a hand in greeting. Aria gestures to Armitage and says, “This is Ben’s new boyfriend.”

“Thanks for winning me like a hundred bucks,” Moira says. “You're already my favourite, even if you dress like a nerd.”

Armitage scowls but Ben laughs.

“I'll teach him how to be fashionable,” Kylo says.

“You had better,” Sebastian says. “I can't believe someone would willingly wear slacks to hang out.”

“I can,” Aria says. “I met his dad. Talk about control issues.”

Sebastian makes a _you poor thing_ face while Moira laughs. 

“I can tell,” Moira says. “You look like such a good girl.”

Aria grins devilishly.

Dinah sets the cookies on the coffee table and pulls a chair from the dining table to sit down. She says, “Go change. You're giving me hives just looking at you.”

Aria cackles and turns to walk into one of the rooms.

“You can sit, you know,” Dinah adds, looking at Ben and Armitage.

“I'm waiting to see if you guys scare off my boyfriend or not,” Kylo says, hands on Armitage's shoulders. Armitage scowls some more.

“I'm fully capable of taking care of myself, thank you,” he says. He pulls away from Ben's touch to sit gingerly on the end of the couch. Kylo laughs and drops into the middle seat, throwing an arm over Armitage's shoulders. 

Aria comes back out wearing an oversized black sweatshirt with an alien head on it and pumpkin print pyjama pants. She looks very comfortable, more so than Armitage feels in his slacks and jumper. She plops down on the floor next to Dinah and asks, “So should we actually order pizza and play games like we told Armitage’s parents?”

“Hell yes,” Moira says. “I vote stuffed crust.”

“If we get stuffed crust, you're paying for it,” Dinah says. Moira huffs.

“Stuffed crust does sound good,” Aria says. Kylo nods in agreement.

“See, that's three for,” Moira says, pointing at Dinah. Dinah rolls her eyes.

“What kind of pizza do you like?” Dinah asks Armitage. Armitage shrugs; he hasn't had pizza enough to really form an opinion.

“I’m not picky,” he says. 

Dinah nods and turns to Sebastian, asking, “What about you?”

Sebastian hums in thought, eyes lifted toward the ceiling. He says, “I suppose we _are_ celebrating, so we should treat ourselves.”

“Hah!” Moira goes, grinning. “That's four! You're out-voted!”

Dinah sighs and Kylo laughs, asking, “Do you want me to get it and pay me back?”

“Sure!” Aria says as Sebastian says, “You spoil us so, rich boy.”

“What else is my parents’ fortune good for?” Kylo asks, shrugging like it's not a big deal. 

Aria pulls a laptop from under the coffee table. A moment of typing later, she asks, “Alright, what kind of pizza do we want?”

“Ultra cheese,” Kylo says immediately. Aria laughs.

“Okay, what else?”

“Don't they have a bacon and spinach one?” Dinah asks.

Aria hums and scrolls before saying, “Yep, here it is.”

Kylo squeezes Armitage to his side.

“What about you, babe? What do you want?” 

“Both of those sound good,” Armitage says, shrugging. Kylo leans in, grinning, to kiss him on the cheek.

“So easy to please,” Kylo teases. 

Armitage rolls his eyes. Aria asks, “Do you want your usual grossness, Moira?”

“If Ben is paying, hell yeah.”

Kylo makes a face and turns to her, saying, “You had better pay me back.”

Moira sticks her tongue out at him, clicking the barbell through it against her teeth.

“It's not that bad,” Sebastian says.

“Fruit has no place on pizza,” Kylo says, voice taking on the intensity that Armitage associates with him being dead serious. It's odd hearing him like this over something stupid.

“It's fucking delicious,” Moira argues as Sebastian says, “Tomato is a fruit, you know.”

“Tomato doesn't count,” Kylo grumbles. “It's only a fruit on a technicality.”

“Okay, gimme your card,” Aria says, holding out her hand, fingers flicking, demanding. Kylo pulls away from Armitage, arching his hips to get his wallet out of his back pocket. He hands his card over to Aria, who grins and says, “Thanks. I’m also getting cheesy bread because you love us.”

Kylo snorts. It's interesting seeing him interact with his friends; he has the same sort of off-hand sarcasm that he has when they're alone, just different enough from aggressively positive way he presents himself in his videos to be interesting. The real him is a bit of an arse and Armitage rather likes it. Kylo eats nice boys for breakfast but Armitage wouldn't be able to stand a nice boy at all. 

“Okay!” Aria says. “What game do we want to play?”

“Z-cide?” Moira suggests.

“No, I don't want greasy fingers on my eighty dollar game,” Dinah says.

Moira huffs a sigh and says, “That rules out Pandemic too, huh?”

“Yes,” Dinah says with finality. Moira groans and Dinah adds, “You're the one who voted for pizza.”

Moira makes a face and says, “I guess,” almost sulking.

“Cards Against Humanity?” Aria suggests. “What better way to get to know Ben's new boyfriend?”

Moira and Kylo both grin at Armitage, giving him the sense that he’ll probably regret coming out tonight.

“Have you ever played?” Dinah asks him.

“Of course,” Armitage scoffs. He's played online with his D&D group many times, even once in character. 

“Good,” Dinah says as Aria sighs, “And here I was hoping we could corrupt you more.”

Kylo snorts and Armitage rolls his eyes. He’ll never get the fascination with _corrupting_ him; he's no pillar of virtue.

Aria hops up to grab the game off the shelf by the TV and starts handing out stacks to shuffle. They appear to have all the expansions, the game housed in a white, five hundred card box like Armitage uses for his spare Magic cards. She sets the box on the coffee table next to the cookies and one by one they set the shuffled stacks back in the box. Aria deals out their white cards and they start playing.

Five rounds in, there's a knock on the door. Moira pokes Kylo in the shoulder and says, “Go sign for our dinner, rich boy.”

Kylo groans but stands up, stepping over Armitage's knees to make his way to the door. A moment later, he returns with a stack of boxes.

“Ah, sweet, cheesy goodness,” Moira sighs, making grabby hands at Kylo. Kylo hands her the boxes and makes to sit down, but Dinah tells him, “While you're up, please get us some paper towels.”

Kylo groans again but turns back to the kitchen. He brings the entire roll with him, plopping down next to Armitage again as he plunks them down on the coffee table.

Moira passes out the pizza, handing Kylo the plain cheese one and Dinah the one with spinach. Kylo eats straight out of the box, hunched over it. So does Moira. Armitage hesitates and Dinah must notice because she asks, “Would you like a plate?”

“Yes please,” Armitage replies, relieved. Dinah smiles at him and stands.

“What about you, Bastian?”

“If you're offering.”

“Anybody else?”

Moira waves off Dinah’s question with her free hand, making a _mph_ sound around her mouthful of pizza. Kylo and Aria go, “Nah,” almost in synch. Dinah nods then turns towards the kitchen.

They eat, their game on pause. Kylo's friends talk among themselves like they've known each other for ages, casual and impolite with their mouths full. Armitage is content listening, chewing on a slice of the bacon and spinach pizza.

Then Dinah asks him, “How’d you find Ben?”

“Through his giveaway,” Armitage replies once he's swallowed.

“Well, yeah,” Aria says, “but you watched his vids before that right?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“So which was your first?”

Armitage shrugs and says, “His queer rant.”

“That's one of my most popular videos,” Kylo says, nodding.

Dinah hums and Aria says, “Yeah, that's a good one.”

“Do you all watch his videos too?” Armitage asks. 

Moira makes an _eh_ sound through her mouthful of pizza and Sebastian shrugs. Aria says, “Some of them.”

“They see me in person all the time, babe,” Kylo says. “They don't wanna watch me in their free time too.”

Kylo's friends all laugh at that.

“We love you though!” Aria coos, grinning.

“You had better. I bought the pizza.”

“Thank you, rich boy,” Moira says, nudging her knuckles against Kylo's shoulder. Kylo shoves her back playfully, grinning.

“Wanna see Ben’s baby bat pictures?” Aria asks.

Armitage asks, “Baby bat?” as Kylo groans, “Please, no.”

“Newbie goth,” Dinah explains. Aria just grins devilishly. Armitage is beginning to think that is just her default expression.

“Sure,” Armitage says. These pictures sound embarrassing and Armitage is absolutely interested in seeing Kylo when he was wee.

Aria hops up and heads into one of the rooms. Kylo calls after her, “You're the worst.”

“You love me though,” she calls back. There's the sound of things being shuffled around before she returns a moment later with a shoe box. She sits on the coffee table just in front of Armitage, pulling the lid off. Inside is a bunch of photos. She rummages through them before pulling out a stack and handing them over.

“We were like thirteen in these,” she says. Kylo sighs.

“Please don't let these change your opinion of me,” Kylo says. “I’m a better man now.”

Armitage flips through the pictures. It looks like a birthday party. Aria is pretty recognizable with her long hair and thin face. Moira still has the twin braids too. The awkward, gangly boy with too big ears sticking out from under his Beiber hair with them is undoubtedly Kylo. He's scowling at the camera in most of the pictures, wearing an oversized band tee and those baggy pants with all the straps and chains. He looks positively ridiculous.

“This was pre-Dinah,” Aria says. “She taught us all how to apply makeup.”

“My mom's a beautician, so I learned early,” Dinah explains.

“I’ve practiced a lot since,” Kylo says.

“The student has surpassed the teacher,” Dinah says sagely.

“I know nothing about makeup but you all look very nice,” Armitage says.

They all send him sharp grins and there's a chorus of _thank you_ s.

“Do you want to dress like us?” Moira asks.

“Not particularly,” Armitage tells her.

“He’s more of a hipster,” Kylo says.

“Yeah, I can see you in a bow tie,” Sebastian says. Armitage doesn't know what to say to that.

Kylo beats him to a reply anyway, saying, “A dress up video would be fun.”

“I don't want to be in your videos,” Armitage says, maybe a little too sharply.

Kylo sighs, “I know. Still, offer’s open if you ever wanna.”

“Would you even have anything that'd fit me?”

Kylo leans into Armitage to kiss him on the cheek, grinning.

“I’d just buy you an outfit,” he says. Armitage makes a face and pushes him away.

“No.”

Kylo and his friends all laugh at that.

“No wonder Ben likes you so much,” Moira says. “No one else says no to him. You're fulfilling a kink of his.”

Aria and Kylo both snicker as Armitage flushes at her blatant observation of their sex life.

“I'm not—I don't—” Armitage splutters.

Kylo pats him on the knee and says, “It's okay, babe. She's just teasing.”

Armitage heaves a sigh and covers his eyes with one hand, his face still on fire.

“No, I wanna hear his denials,” Moira says. Armitage can hear the grin in her voice.

“Leave the poor boy alone,” Dinah scolds. “He’s had enough of your nonsense.”

“But it's fun!” Moira whines.

“Don't scare my boyfriend off,” Kylo says. “I like him.”

“We know,” Sebastian says.

There's a clink of glass and then a metallic grinding noise. Armitage drops his hand to his lap only to see Aria with a vase in her lap, twisting her hands around whatever is making the noise.

“Have you ever smoked, Armitage?” Aria asks, changing the subject entirely.

“Ah, no,” Armitage says. His father does but Armitage can't stand the smell of cigarettes.

“Wanna?” she asks, grinning, too chipper. 

Armitage makes a face and Kylo laughs, pressing, “You should. It'll be fun.”

Aria opens whatever's in her hand and the musty, herbal smell the apartment has gets stronger. She takes a pinch of what's inside and deposits it in a branch of the vase.

Armitage is confused for a moment before it clicks. That's a bong. He's being peer pressured into doing drugs. He thought that only happened in fiction.

“Oh,” he says, dumbstruck.

“Yeah,” Kylo says back fondly, squeezing Armitage's knee before adding, “You don't have to if you don't want to, but it's nice.”

“Alright. I'll, I'll think about it. My parents will throw a complete shitfit if they find out there were drugs involved in my D&D night, though.”

Kylo snorts and says, “Don't worry, I know a good way to neutralize smells. You can always do a load of laundry when you get home anyway.”

Aria finishes putting the weed into the bong and fishes a lighter out from under the coffee table. She presses the open end of the bong to her mouth and holds the flame to the branch. Smoke fills it then she lifts the branch and her shoulders raise as she inhales, the smoke disappearing. She pulls the bong away and exhales a long stream of smoke, handing the piece over to Dinah. Armitage watches, fascinated, as Dinah repeats the process.

The bong makes its way around the circle, Kylo's friends chit chatting in between pulls. Armitage waves it off the first time when Kylo offers it to him, making a face, and it starts the circle all over again.

Armitage is starting to feel a bit fuzzy just from sitting in the room as they smoke and he's not sure if it's because he's actually getting high or if it's just psychosomatic. The next time Kylo finishes with the bong, he hands it directly to Dinah, passing over Armitage completely.

He does lean in, hand on Armitage’s cheek, to kiss him though. Armitage sighs into the kiss.

And then Kylo blows smoke into Armitage’s mouth. Armitage sputters and jerks away, smacking Kylo on the chest.

“You _cock_ ,” he snaps. Kylo and all his friends laugh uproariously, like Armitage being angry is the funniest thing they’ve ever seen.

“Relax,” Kylo says, going to touch Armitage’s cheek again, only to have his hand slapped away. “That’s no worse for you than just sitting in here while we smoke.”

“You could have _asked_ ,” Armitage grumbles.

“Would you have said yes?” Kylo asks.

Armitage makes a face and says, “No.”

Kylo just grins and leans in to kiss Armitage again, even as Armitage pulls back. Armitage ends up bent backwards over the arm of the couch, one hand on Kylo’s shoulder and the other on his face to keep him away as Kylo’s friends continue to laugh. Kylo all but climbs into Armitage’s lap, leaning over him, until he’s able to drop a kiss on the tip of Armitage’s nose.

“Ugh,” Armitage says once Kylo has finally gotten what he wanted and sits back.

This time, when Kylo is finished with the bong, Armitage angrily sticks his hand out and demands it. Kylo looks at him far too fondly when he hands it over, already going over what he’s supposed to do with it.

\---

Armitage is sleepy and very full of pizza and cookies when they finally leave Kylo’s friends’ apartment sometime later. There’s a knot of worry caught under his ribs, too. There’s so much happening, that could happen; he can’t help but worry.

But Kylo holds his hand as they make their way into Kylo’s house and that makes a lot of it better. Kylo, for some unknown reason, seems to truly care about Armitage. He proves it by asking, “Do you still wanna do anal tonight?”

Armitage leans against Kylo’s side, humming in thought while he mulls it over. He’s a little uncomfortable, buzzing in his skin like this, but the thought of Kylo’s hands all over him, _in_ him, is delicious, too good to pass up.

“Yes,” he says, sure of it.

“Really?” Kylo presses as he closes the door behind them.

“ _Yes_ ,” Armitage insists, letting go of Kylo’s hand to start undressing. He drops his bag and tosses his coat over the arm of Kylo’s couch then pulls his jumper over his head, throwing it to the floor only to look up to see Kylo _looking_ at him, face soft and fond, distinctly not how Kylo should be looking at him when he’s half dressed. Armitage scowls and looks away, flopping onto the couch to untie his boots. Kylo snorts but follows his lead, sitting on the couch to take off his own shoes.

As soon as Armitage is barefoot, he slings a knee over Kylo’s thighs, climbing into his lap to kiss him hard. Kylo kisses back happily, opening his mouth to Armitage’s questing tongue. Armitage groans as Kylo’s hands move across his bare skin, up his arms, over his shoulders, down his back to rest on his hips, fingertips dipping below the loose waist of his trousers. He’s chilly stripped down so far and Kylo is so, _so_ very warm.

Armitage sticks his hands between their bodies to tug at the button of Kylo’s jeans, breaking the kiss to look down at what he’s doing.

“Woah, slow down there, tiger,” Kylo says, half laughing. “We’ve got all night, you know.”

“Yes well, I’ve been—” Armitage _tugs_ and the button comes loose. “— _waiting_. I _prepared_.”

“Oh, you prepared, did you?” Kylo asks, grinning, teasing him still.

“ _Yes_. I, I, I _cleaned myself out_ so you could just, just stick your ridiculous cock in me.”

Kylo properly laughs at him at that and Armitage whacks him on the chest.

“Don’t laugh, you cock,” he snaps. “It was disgusting so you had better make it worth it.”

“I will,” Kylo promises, still grinning. He pushes his hands deeper into Armitage's trousers, cupping his rear, palming him with his big hands. Armitage shivers, his cock throbbing.

“We should move to the bed,” Kylo murmurs, “unless you want to be bent over the couch?”

Armitage moans just thinking of it: him, kneeling on the edge, his trousers around his knees, leaning forward with his elbows braced on the back of the couch as Kylo drives into him. Kylo smirks at him, pulling him close by his arse until Armitage's hard on is pressed against his chest. He kisses Armitage's sternum, just under his cross, and squeezes his arse.

“Was that a yes?” Kylo asks, looking up at Armitage with his liquid amber eyes. Armitage bites his lip, breathing hard.

“Next time,” Armitage promises. “I'll let you fuck me against anything but my first time should be in a bed.”

“Okay,” Kylo says, extracting his hands from Armitage's trousers. He pats Armitage on the arse and adds, “You'll have to get off me then.”

Armitage reluctantly climbs off Kylo's lap, going after the button of his trousers as he goes. He strips, stepping out of his pants.

“Fuck, you're gorgeous,” Kylo sighs, watching Armitage, splayed out on the couch. He looks positively sinful, knees spread, one hand on the hard ridge of his cock hiding in his tight jeans, the other arm across the back of the couch, utterly relaxed.

Armitage feels exposed, more than just nude. Kylo looks at him with his dark eyes like he can see straight down to Armitage's very soul. weighing his heart against a feather. Armitage has to fight the urge to cover himself, flushed and warm in the cool darkness of the room.

Kylo stands and wraps his arms around Armitage's shoulders, pulling him close. He kisses Armitage's jaw, his ear, his neck, his hands traveling down Armitage's back, returning to his rear. Nude like this, Kylo’s hands spread Armitage's cheeks, the tips of his fingers teasing his hole. Armitage bites his lip and tucks his face against the side of Kylo's neck, his heart fluttering wildly in his chest.

Kylo murmurs, “How bad do you want me?”

Armitage just pinches him on the waist.

“Enough to douche, you arse,” he says as Kylo grumbles, “Don’t fuckin’ pinch me, you dick.”

Kylo pulls away enough to look Armitage in the eye, frowning.

“Look, I get that you're a prickly bastard,” he says, “but I like enthusiastic consent, so quit acting so put upon.”

Armitage frowns and averts his eyes, mumbling, “Sorry.”

Kylo kisses his temple.

“It's okay, just go back to saying yes.”

“I just—I want this, I want _you_ , but dirty talk is just so _odd_ in real life,” Armitage says. He’s _still_ embarrassed about what he said to Kylo that first time. Kylo snorts.

“Do I need to get you so horny you forget?” Kylo asks with that lopsided grin he has. Armitage sighs.

“Just take off your clothes and fuck me already.”

Kylo kisses him again and says, “Okay,” before pulling away to tug his shirt over his head. Armitage watches him greedily, memorizing the way Kylo moves, the shift of his muscles. He's bloody gorgeous; Armitage still can't believe Kylo's interested in _him_ of all people.

Armitage brushes his fingertips over Kylo's hard stomach as Kylo works on his jeans.

“Why do you like me so much?” he asks, fingers following he slim line of dark hairs leading to the top of Kylo's underwear.

Kylo shrugs and says, “I told you, I eat nice boys for breakfast.”

“Well _yes_ , you did, but why _me_?”

Kylo tugs his jeans off over his feet, his cock hard and perfect between his thick thighs.

“I just do,” he says. “You're pretty and you can hold your own in an argument and you're not sucking up to me for my money.” Kylo shrugs again, turning his dark, soul-searing eyes back on Armitage. “You're perfect for me, I know it.”

Armitage flushes and scowls, making Kylo laugh again.

“You're incredible,” Kylo says, tucking his fingers under Armitage's chin to get him to make eye contact. “I like you so fucking much. Trust me, okay?”

“Okay.”

Kylo's lips quirk up. He says, “Good. Now get on the bed.”

Armitage shoves at Kylo's shoulder and says, “If I must,” even as he smiles a little back. He just catches Kylo rolling his eyes as he turns towards the bed, and then a blur of movement out of the corner of his eye before Kylo swats him on the arse. It surprises him, making him freeze and his breath hitch. Kylo laughs, sounding utterly delighted.

“Like that, hmm?” Kylo teases. “Want Daddy to spank you?”

“Fuck you,” Armitage grumbles. Kylo laughs some more.

“Maybe later,” he says. “Tonight you're taking my dick.”

Armitage heaves a sigh and rolls onto the bed.

“Now don't be like that,” Kylo says, climbing over Armitage's legs. “I want to know you're into this.”

Armitage reaches out to tap the tips of two fingers against Kylo's cockhead. They come away sticky with precome. He brings them up to his mouth and makes deliberate eye contact with Kylo as he presses them between his lips, watching as Kylo swallows hard.

“Okay,” Kylo says. “That was unfairly hot.”

Armitage smirks and says, “Maybe, if you’re _very_ good, I’ll let you suck me off later.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kylo says, leaning over Armitage to kiss him. He murmurs against Armitage's lips, “You're such an ass.”

“Yes, but you do seem to like me anyway.”

Kylo grins and kisses him again, saying, “Yeah, I do.”

He brings one hand down to Armitage's cock, stroking it slowly as he coaxes Armitage's lips apart, dipping his tongue into Armitage's mouth. Armitage sighs sweetly and kisses Kylo back. He slides one of his own hands up one of Kylo's gloriously thick thighs to wrap his fingers around Kylo's cock in turn. Kylo moans as Armitage strokes him, even though Armitage is sure he's not doing terribly well at it, considering the awkward angle. It's still nice. Kylo is thick and hot in his hand, slick at the head when he slides his thumb over the slit.

Kylo kisses across Armitage's cheek to groan into his ear, nuzzling the side of his face. Armitage holds him close, his free hand on the back of Kylo's neck.

“Fuck,” Kylo sighs. “You're amazing. _Fuck_.”

“That _is_ what we're trying to do,” Armitage says. Kylo snorts and kisses Armitage's cheek before sitting back. He shakes a loose bit of fringe that has fallen from his teased up mohawk out of his eyes before asking, “Do you want me to wear a condom? Jizz leaking out of your ass is kinda gross.”

“No, I want the full experience,” Armitage says, then smirks and adds, “And besides, we're in _your_ bed. _You'll_ be the one who has to deal with the mess.”

Kylo laughs and says, “You're such a dick,” but he sounds entirely too fond.

“Yes, I am. Are you going to fuck me or what?”

Grinning, Kylo drops another quick kiss on Armitage's lips before leaning over him to get at the side table.

“Do you want me to finger you?” he asks once he's retrieved the lube.

“Of course,” Armitage says. “How else will that thing fit in me?”

“You’d be surprised at what you can fit in an ass. You gotta like, work up to fisting and shit but dicks are usually fine even without fingering.”

Armitage looks at Kylo dubiously, not sure if he believes him, though he supposes he did get all of his gay sex education from fanfic.

“Right,” he says. “Still. The full experience.”

Kylo grins and says, “Yeah, alright.”

He nudges Armitage's knees apart and climbs between them, one hand smoothing up Armitage's thigh.

“Hand me a pillow,” he says. Armitage does and lifts his hips when Kylo indicates he should. Kylo stuffs the pillow under Armitage's arse, making his back curl just slightly. He feels exposed and twitches when Kylo runs a fingertip from his taint down to his hole, flushing violently. Kylo chuckles and says, “Relax. I’ll be gentle.”

Armitage knocks one foot against Kylo’s hip and snaps, “Don’t be such a cock.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling _you_ ,” Kylo says, laughing some more. Armitage huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. Kylo rolls his eyes and pops the cap of the lube to slick his fingers. He brings them back to Armitage’s hole, circling it with one before he _pushes_.

Armitage is, at least, familiar with this part, even if it’s odd not doing it himself. Kylo’s fingers are thicker, his knuckles more pronounced. Armitage takes a deep, slow breath as Kylo pushes in deeper and deeper, twisting his hand slightly as he does so. He reaches deeper with just that one finger than anything Armitage has ever had in him.

Kylo pulls his finger out and immediately presses back in with two. Armitage gasps at the stretch—it’s a _lot_ ; he’s always been aware of Kylo being bigger than him, but never quite as much as he is _now_ , and Kylo’s cock is _much_ thicker than his fingers.

“Touch yourself,” Kylo murmurs, squeezing Armitage’s thigh with his free hand. “It’ll help.”

Armitage has to take another deep, fortifying breath before he’s able to bring his hand down to his hard on, giving it a squeeze before he starts stroking, unintentionally mimicking the motions of Kylo’s fingers within him. Between his nerves and the lack of stimulation to his cock, he’s softened a bit, but he comes back to life as he adjusts to having _someone else’s_ fingers in him.

“That’s it,” Kylo says, voice still soft. Armitage closes his eyes and _breathes_ , relaxing. Not having to look at Kylo, not having to see his soft, awed expression, helps, he thinks. He can’t help but remember Kylo talking about how he’s _way_ too into Armitage being a virgin that first time they touched each other, about how he’s _giving_ Kylo this _thing_ , his virginity, this absurd concept that shouldn’t matter but _does_.

Kylo presses up against Armitage’s inner wall, searching for his prostate, he’s sure. It’s an odd sensation, but not uncomfortable. Armitage has largely adjusted to Kylo’s fingers.

Then, _fuck_ , Kylo _finds it_ , finds Armitage’s prostate and it’s _incredible_ , better than he could have imagined. His insides turn to liquid gold and he moans, his cock throbbing in his hand. Kylo chuckles and presses against it again, rubbing at it for a long moment while Armitage gasps and squirms, before pulling his hand away completely.

“Fuck,” Armitage says, breathless.

“Yeah?” Kylo asks. He sounds utterly smug and it makes Armitage kick him again, which in turn has Kylo going, “Fuck, you’re such an _asshole_ ,” but he’s laughing as he says it so obviously he doesn’t mind.

“Well,” Armitage replies, “you’re insufferable, so we match.”

Kylo climbs over him, the tip of his dick bumping against the underside of Armitage’s balls as he leans in to kiss him.

“You’re perfect,” Kylo murmurs again.

Armitage swats him on the shoulder and says, “Yes, you’ve said. Are you going to fuck me or what?”

Kylo sits up, hands on Armitage’s thighs, staring down at him hungrily.

“I most definitely am,” Kylo says. “I’ve been thinking of this _literally_ the entire time I’ve known you.” He shakes his fringe out of his eyes again and sighs, “Fuck, you’re hot.”

Armitage rolls his eyes but he can’t help how _pleased_ he is, Kylo’s unabashed _want_ of him warming him from the inside out. 

“Get on with it, then,” Armitage says, tilting his head to stretch his neck, relaxing into his splayed out position.

Kylo groans, “You’re such a tease.”

“How am I teasing?” Armitage asks. “I’m letting you fuck me literally as we speak. I’m insisting on it. It’s your own fault for not just jamming your cock in my arse like you could have already.”

Kylo snorts but runs his clean fingers down the tendon of Armitage’s neck.

“You’re showing off all this beautiful skin and I can’t do anything to claim it as mine,” he says.

“Okay, Buffalo Bill,” Armitage says, “when you put it like that, I _really_ don’t want you to.”

Kylo laughs, bright and a little too loud, hand moving over his cock as he slicks himself with lube. He says, “I’m going to turn you into a skin suit and keep you forever.”

“Jesus Christ,” Armitage sighs. Kylo laughs some more and adjusts his position, scooting closer until he can rub his cock against Armitage's hole.

“Yeah, I'm pretty god-like,” Kylo says, grinning. Armitage rolls his eyes again but can't help the way his breath hitches at the way Kylo is teasing his hole with the tip of his cock.

“Just fucking _do it_ ,” he demands. Kylo smirks and _pushes_.

He's definitely bigger than his fingers. Armitage bites his lip and breathes hard through his nose, focusing on staying relaxed. Nothing he's ever read prepared him for how _uncomfortable_ it is having a cock jammed up his arse. Kylo goes slow so it doesn't _hurt_ but it's _so much_.

“I know,” Kylo murmurs, petting one of Armitage's thighs. “Just relax. Give it a moment, okay? It'll stop sucking soon.”

Armitage groans, too full, positively overflowing with sensation. Kylo's hand on his thigh burns, his nerves overwhelmed, the touch like a thousand needles under his skin. He focuses on that, on the familiar instead of the foreign presence pressing deeper and deeper into him.

“Fuck you're tight,” Kylo says as he bottoms out.

“No, you're just monstrous,” Armitage snaps back, breathless.

Kylo laughs and teases, “You're just a virgin.”

Armitage would kick him again but Kylo has Armitage's legs pulled tight against his ribs.

“You're such a cock,” Armitage grumbles instead. Kylo just smirks down at him and rolls his hips. Armitage gasps; it's still too much, but in the same way overeating on Christmas is, gross and uncomfortable yet still utterly satisfying. Kylo rolls his hips again, pulling out a tad to push back in. He gains depth with his thrusts incrementally, bit by bit, and it's _good_.

Kylo folds over him once he's truly fucking Armitage, showering his face in kisses. He tucks his face against Armitage's neck and groans, “You feel so fucking good, so tight. Fuck, you're taking me so well.”

“Shut up,” Armitage says, face hot. He doesn't know why he’s embarrassed. He has no reason to be.

~~He's having _anal sex_ with a _man_ who happens to be a well known Youtuber and Armitage is nothing more than a closeted _loser_.~~

Kylo moans and it sends a shiver down Armitage's spine, coiling hot in his gut. It's _good_ knowing he's causing Kylo pleasure, it makes him _happy_. _Kylo_ makes him happy.

“Fuck,” he gasps, both at Kylo's dick in his arse and the revelation that he might actually be a little in love with him. Kylo nods and moans again, pressing wet kisses to the side of Armitage's neck. He reaches down to squeeze Armitage's arse with one hand, the fingers of the other tangling in his hair, wrapping around him, surrounding him. 

Kylo's touch is electric; Armitage must be having a bad pain day because everywhere Kylo puts his hands stings, and while Armitage has never considered himself a masochist, it only adds to his pleasure. Kylo’s cock splits Armitage in two, cleaving deeper and deeper to his soul with every thrust, Armitage's very atoms singing with Kylo's touch until he's sure he'll vibrate apart. He's hardly jerking off anymore, his hand moving in lazy spurts as he just _takes it_ , rolling with Kylo like they're caught in each other's orbit, gravity pulling them together over and over again. It's _glorious_.

Kylo nips at Armitage's neck, not hard, just enough to get his attention, and asks, “Do you really want me to come in you?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Armitage insists, thrilled with the idea.

Kylo groans and sits up, peeling himself away from Armitage, and picks up the pace. His thrusts punch the air from Armitage's lungs. Armitage gasps and groans and pinches his eyes shut, refusing to look at Kylo, at _Ben_.

“You're so fucking pretty,” Ben sighs, too sweetly. His voice fucking ruins Armitage. Armitage tucks his chin against his shoulder, instinctively trying to hide, even as he's entirely on display. It's _stupid_ , utterly pointless. Kylo has his dick fully up Armitage's arse. Armitage asked for this, demanded it, so why is he so embarrassed?

~~He loves Kylo, he loves _Ben_ , he _loves_ him.~~

He can feel the knot of worry climb up his throat, solid behind his ribs like a fist around his heart. Kylo fucks him hard and fast, the sound of their skin slapping together echoing in the dark, in time with Armitage's gasps and Kylo's moans. Kylo squeezes Armitage's thighs tighter around his waist, fingertips digging electric shocks into Armitage's skin.

Kylo's hips stutter in their movement, stilling for a moment before he grinds himself as deep into Armitage as he can. Armitage can't help but open his eyes and _watch_ , staring in awe at Ben's relaxed, open face, at the way his dark lashes cast spiderweb shadows across his cheekbones and at how his soft lips are parted as he breathes hard. Armitage has to fight to keep his own breathing under control; he's not _allowed_ to fall in love with this man, a man, _any_ man. It's _stupid_ that he thinks that, but he does, and it thrills him to defy that instinct.

Kylo opens his eyes and slowly focuses on Armitage, one corner of his mouth ticking up into his usual roguish grin.

“How was that?” he asks.

~~Incredible. Mind blowing. Overwhelming in the best way.~~

“Acceptable, I suppose,” Armitage says. Kylo snorts and swats him on the back of the thigh, fingertips just grazing the swell of his arse. It sends a jolt of pleasure down his spine.

“You're such an ass,” Kylo says fondly. Armitage smiles a little, trusting that Kylo likes it. He's stuck around this long, given _everything_ to Armitage, even though Armitage has done nothing but be mean to him. Kylo's grin widens in answer, then he shifts to pull out.

It's as uncomfortable coming out as it was going in, and Armitage feels so _empty_ afterward. Kylo almost makes up for it by kissing him, softly, sweetly.

“How do you want me to get you off?” Ben asks as he brushes his fingertips down the centerline of Armitage's stomach.

“Ah,” Armitage starts, caught off guard. He's a little bothered he wasn't able to come as Kylo was fucking him, but Ben doesn't seem upset. “I don't know. However seems best to you, I suppose.”

Ben pecks him on the lips and sits back.

“Want me to blow you? Have I been good enough?”

Armitage waves a hand dismissively and says, “Yes, that's fine.”

“Alright,” Ben says, scooting towards the foot of the bed to hunker down between Armitage's spread thighs. He kisses Armitage's hip, cheek brushing the fingers he still has wrapped around his cock. Armitage lets his hand fall away as Kylo kisses across his belly to the head of his cock. He sighs as Kylo mouths at him softly, teasingly. Ben strokes his hip with one thumb, hand holding onto him possessively. He uses the other hand to point Armitage's dick at his mouth, still gently kissing it.

“Get on with it,” Armitage grumbles. Kylo snorts but does wrap his lips around Armitage, sucking on just the head, the tip of his tongue pressed to the slit. It feels lovely, Ben's mouth wet and warm, his lip ring a hard line bisecting the softness of his lips.

Ben takes him deeper, bobbing his head. Armitage sighs, pleased, and tilts his head back into the pillows, eyes closed. He likes Kylo like this, with his smart mouth full of Armitage's cock, silenced in the best way.

Armitage let's out a startled little _ah_ as Ben pushes two fingers back into his hole, tensing up on instinct. Ben chuckles around his mouthful and presses in deeper with his fingers. Armitage chokes on a moan; it's incredible, almost too much, with Ben’s tongue undulating against the underside of Armitage's cock while his fingers slowly thrust into Armitage's arse.

“Fuck,” Armitage gasps. “ _God_.”

Ben chuckles again and sucks on him harder, fingers angled up to try and find Armitage's prostate again.

It doesn't take him long. Armitage bites out a strangled curse as Ben rubs against it. He arches his back and grabs fistfulls of the bedding, gasping as Ben overwhelms him. Pleasure coils hot in his gut, spinning tighter and tighter until it crests. He fills Ben's eager mouth. Ben swallows it all down, sucking him through it. He pulls away, lips and hands and fingers gone from Armitage's skin, and makes a big show of swallowing, wiping spit from his lips with one hand. Armitage shivers, pleased and disgusted with the act all at once.

“I'm gonna go wash my hands,” Ben says. Armitage snorts.

“That's exactly what I want to hear after having sex for the first time.”

Ben laughs and wiggles the fingers of one hand at him, saying, “I figure you don't want to cuddle when I've got comey ass hands.”

Armitage makes a face.

“That's disgusting.”

“Hence why I'm gonna go wash them.”

Armitage waves him away and Ben climbs from between his legs and off the bed. He walks out of the room nude, down the hall to where Armitage assumes the toilet is. While he's away, Armitage debates putting his pants back on—he has never slept naked and doing so seems odd. He did pack pyjamas but he thinks Ben would protest to Armitage actually wearing them.

Before he can make up his mind, Ben comes back, pausing just inside the doorway to look at him still sprawled out on display on his bed.

“You can get under the covers, you know,” he says, teasing, smiling just a little bit.

“I know,” Armitage replies, as if he made the conscious decision not to instead of hesitating over whether or not he wants to put on clothes.

Ben laughs softly and shakes his head, coming over to the bed. He tugs on the duvet under Armitage and says, “Come on.”

Armitage complies, shifting so Ben can pull the duvet out from under him. Ben tucks him in, smirking as he pulls the blankets back up to Armitage's chin.

“There,” he says, “isn't that better?”

“Piss off,” Armitage grumbles. Ben laughs and circles the bed to climb in on the other side. He scoots close to Armitage and, apparently deciding that's not enough, gathers Armitage in his arms, nudging him onto his side so his back is against Ben's chest.

It's odd. Armitage hasn't been properly cuddled since he was a child and still lived with his birth mother. He has faint recolections of being tucked against her side, but this is so different. Ben kisses the nape of his neck, one hand pressed posessively against his lower belly. Armitage can feel Ben’s soft cock against his arse, can feel Ben’s breath against his neck, can feel his very _heartbeat_ , thudding away still rabbit quick in his chest. It’s _odd_.

Armitage likes it, loves it.

~~He just loves _Ben_.~~


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt forget to update yesterday there were just Shenanigans with editing lol. heres the last ch and the epilogue tho!! prepare urself for sum pain. theres a happy ending but some pain first lol

It’s nice waking up next to Armitage. He pulled himself from Ben’s arms after a while, curling up on one side of the bed, facing Ben as Ben sprawled out. He’s still asleep as Ben blinks his eyes open, one loose fist curled against Ben’s shoulder. Watery grey light pours through Ben’s windows, highlighting Armitage’s soft skin and bright hair. Ben’s too used to seeing Armitage naked in the dark; he looks completely different nude in daylight. There’s a soft dusting of freckles across his shoulders, just like Ben thought there might be so long ago.

Ben _likes_ this, likes waking up next to this sad, awkward boy who’s fiercely determined to act like he doesn’t care, likes seeing him open and relaxed. He’s always so uptight when he’s awake, too ready to argue, but like this he’s almost cherubic, soft and sweet.

He touches Armitage’s cheek softly and his heart clenches when Armitage jerks away, startled awake. It _hurts_ to see him flinch like that at unexpected contact. Ben’s not surprised; from what he knows of Armitage’s home life, he would not be surprised if Armitage has been hit by his parents. Ben just hushes him and murmurs, “It’s okay, it’s just me,” brushing his fingers over Armitage’s jaw as Armitage’s pale eyes focus on him.

“Hi,” Armitage says after a moment, relaxing back into Ben’s bed.

“Hey,” Ben says, rolling towards him.

Armitage first puts his hands against Ben’s chest. Then, when Ben scoots closer, he wraps one arm around Ben’s waist, tucking himself under Ben’s chin, their legs tangling together. Ben kisses Armitage’s forehead, happy just to hold him, just to have him there.

(He has _feelings_ but it’s too soon for that. They’ve barely agreed to date and Ben had to bully Armitage into that and he _knows_ he’s always too intense so he’ll just lock these feelings away deep behind his ribs and he won’t let them out until the time is right.)

(But _fuck_ he loves Armitage so much. Ben’s heart soars at having Armitage pressed against him like this, still naked, perfect even though he’s a little moist from sweating under Ben’s pile of blankets with him. He _loves_ this, loves having him here.)

(He wants this every morning.)

\---

 **StarKiller**  
Why can I not find a flat for a reasonable price?  
It shouldn’t be hard but it _is_ and it is bullshit.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
why not move in with your boyfriend?

 **StarKiller**  
Well, for one, he still lives with his parents.  
We also haven’t been dating for terribly long.  
I don’t  
Want to fuck this up.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
that’s fair  
have you talked to him about it?

 **StarKiller**  
No.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
well start there

 **StarKiller**  
No.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
why not?

 **StarKiller**  
He’ll do it.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
is that a bad thing?

 **StarKiller**  
Not precisely.  
But it still makes me uncomfortable.  
And anyway, he wants to go to design school for university, which means moving out of state, so moving in together is not really a viable solution.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
love, anything that will get you out of your parents’ house is worth it, even if it’s not long term.  
you could also just  
move with him  
you don’t really have anything tying you to where you are besides your parents

 **StarKiller**  
I guess?

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
justdoit.jpeg

 **StarKiller**  
No.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
do you really not want to?

 **StarKiller**  
I just  
Really don’t want to fuck things up.  
I like him.  
Rather a lot.  
Moving in together right now feels like moving too fast.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
i see

 **StarKiller**  
I guess I’d like to?  
Maybe.  
In the future.  
I very much liked sharing a bed.  
And I want to see him all the time anyway.  
I just  
I’m _worried_.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma**  
do you think he won’t want to live with you?

 **StarKiller**  
I figure he’d probably be alright with it.  
But like I said, I don’t think it’d really be a long term solution.

 **that’s CAPTAIN assma** StarKiller  
I don’t want to get my hopes up.

\---

TO: the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
FROM: pointblank_silverbullet@mail.co.uk  
SUBJECT: your boyfriend

hello kylo. you don’t know me but i’m one of armitage’s friends and i’d like to let you know that he’s being an absolute moron. he’s looking for a flat and refuses to consider living with you, even though that would make things so much easier since he cannot afford anything on his own. he says he thinks you’d do it but he’s so convinced that it’s a bad idea that he won’t even consider talking to you about it. you should bring it up to him instead.

yours,  
phasma

TO: pointblank_silverbullet@mail.co.uk  
FROM the_kylo_ren@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: RE: your boyfriend

hey phasma

hes such a stubborn asshole so im really not surprised he doesnt want to ask me to move in together. id absolutely be down though so ill ask him about it. thanks for the heads up!

~kylo

\---

 _Kylo: hey one of your friends said youre looking to move out_  
_Kylo: you wanna move in with me?_  
Armitage: Which friend?  
_Kylo: phasma_

Armitage is going to fucking _murder_ Phasma. His best friend his arse. How dare she send Kylo after him about this?

Armitage: I don’t want to live with you.  
_Kylo: why?_  
Armitage: It’s too soon.  
_Kylo: my parents were already engaged by the time they were together as long as we have been_  
Armitage: We’re not your parents.  
_Kylo: well yeah_  
_Kylo: but that’s going fast_  
_Kylo: moving together is a reasonable next step imo_  
Armitage: You don’t want to go to school here.  
_Kylo: babe, i dont have to go to school at all_  
_Kylo: i make enough money from my channel that i dont really have to work_  
_Kylo: plus i have my trust fund_  
_Kylo: im pretty set for life_

Armitage groans and puts his head down on the table, glad the break room is empty but for him. He knows Phasma and Ben are right; that it would be smart for Armitage to find a place with Ben, but the thought makes him panic. They’ve only known each other since _November_ —barely six months has gone by since they met. That’s _too soon_.

~~He wants too though, wants to live with Ben and wake up in the same bed every morning and see him all the time. He _loves_ Ben.~~

_Kylo: will you at least think about it?_  
Armitage: Alright.

\---

Armitage hasn’t actually _agreed_ to move in with Ben, but Ben still absently scrolls Craigslist ads in his downtime. He’d be willing to bet that Armitage would want to have his own room, plus Ben would need a room just for his filming, which means they’d need a three bedroom, so they might as well rent a house. His Knights have it easy; they all split off into pairs and have apartments all around the greater Seattle area. Kylo _wants_ to stay down here but Armitage works all the way up in fucking _Everett_ so they should get a place up there, because there’s no way Armitage would let Ben drive him to and from work every day.

Armitage still hasn’t _agreed_ to any of this.

(But Ben really hopes he does so he wants to be prepared.)

\---

 _Kylo: im going to be out of town for a bit next week_  
_Kylo: can i see you again before i go?_  
Armitage: When do you leave?  
_Kylo: wednesday morning_  
_Kylo: wont be back until the 19th_

It’s Saturday now. They have plenty of time to schedule an evening together, and Armitage _wants_ to see him before he goes. The ten days he’ll be gone is longer than they’ve gone without seeing each other in quite a while and Armitage thinks he wouldn’t be able to handle it if he didn’t take the chance to see Ben before he leaves.

Armitage: Pick me up from work on Tuesday?  
_Kylo: you got it_  
_Kylo: <3_

\---

Ben is early picking up Armitage, idling outside the front doors for a good ten minutes before the closing crew exits. Armitage slides into the passenger seat like he belongs in Ben’s Mustang, at his side. Ben _likes it_ , likes _him_ , too much for where they’re at, but he can’t help it. He loves Armitage, loves how he’s sullen and snippy and _mean_ because even as he’s all that, he’s given Ben _everything_ he has without reservation. Ben knew Armitage would be perfect for him.

“Where are you going?” Armitage asks as Ben pulls out of the parking lot.

“Home,” Ben tells him, grinning.

Armitage huffs, saying, “No, I mean—”

“I know what you mean,” Ben says, cutting him off. “Paris. Mom has to go do a work thing and she’s letting me tag along.”

“Oh,” Armitage says. “That sounds nice.”

“Yeah, it’ll be pretty cool. There’s a bunch of alternative stores in Paris and some good goth clubs and shit.”

Armitage is smiling but he still looks sad. Ben doesn't like it, doesn't like that Armitage is _upset_ because of him, even if it's only a little. Armitage is so good at covering his feeling too, so Ben feels safe assuming that Armitage is more than a little sad. He doesn't know what to say to make it better though.

“You gonna miss me?” Ben asks, grinning at Armitage, trying to make him laugh.

“Hardly,” Armitage replies without missing a beat. Ben's the one who laughs, startled by Armitage's blunt denial.

“Aw, babe, I'm hurt,” Kylo says, placing a hand on Armitage's knee. Armitage immediately places his own hand over it, lacing their fingers together. Ben's grin widens; Armitage is such a fucking liar.

He lets Armitage hold his hand pretty much the whole drive home, always coming back every time he pulls away to flick on his wipers or make a sharp turn. Armitage doesn't clutch at him but he seems almost desperate for the contact in that stubbornly quiet way he has.

In Ben's room, they strip almost casually, comfortable with each other. Armitage keeps _looking_ at Ben, staring at him before his gaze flicks away, fidgeting like he wants to say something but is afraid of the potential outcome. Ben wraps him up in a hug, adoring how Armitage immediately responds, pressing himself tight against Ben's bare chest.

“I _am_ going to miss you,” Armitage mumbles after a moment. Ben is pretty sure those are not the words making Armitage nervous.

He kisses Armitage's neck and says, “I know. I'll miss you too. I'll be back before you know it though, and I'll text you every day, promise.”

Armitage laughs bitterly and buries his face harder against Ben's shoulder, squeezing him tighter.

“I will,” Ben says softly.

“You're such a sap,” Armitage says, pulling away. He sniffs and his eyes look a little wet but he stares Ben down and says, “You're going to have to fuck me hard then, so I still feel it the entire time you're gone.”

Ben grins and scoops up Armitage's face to kiss him.

“I think I can manage that,” he says.

“Good,” Armitage says. He shucks his briefs, the last of his clothing, and turns to climb into Ben's bed like he owns the place. He's a vision, a slender nymph, half hard and golden even in the dark.

Ben follows him; he can't not. He's so stupid for this sad, mean boy, so in love with him he can’t help himself. He climbs into Armitage's lap and pulls his blankets over them, cocooning them into their own private world, hidden away. Armitage slides his hands up Ben's thighs, eyes focused on the pitch black shadows between them. He's smiling that sad little smile again, like he thinks Ben will find someone better on his trip, will leave him behind for good. He _won’t_ ; there's no one more perfect for him in the world.

He doesn't want to scare Armitage away by saying he loves him. Armitage is stubborn, yeah; he refuses to break under the weight of the world but he's still so _fragile_ , unused to someone actually _caring_ for him. It's been a delicate balancing act getting Armitage to be his boyfriend and Ben _loves_ him so fucking much.

He doesn't want to fuck this up so he keeps those three little words locked up behind his teeth. They’ll fester there and that’s fine. He’ll tell Armitage eventually. His feelings will make him swell and he’ll burst eventually and that’s _fine_ , it is. He’ll just have to hold on long enough to let Armitage find his feet in their relationship so Ben admitting to his feelings doesn’t knock him out for good.

It would be so easy to sigh those three little words right now though, to whisper them here in the dark like a secret, their naked bodies pressed together, warm and safe under the covers.

Instead, Ben presses a quick kiss to Armitage’s perfect mouth and rolls to the side, stretching out as he asks, “Blow me?”

Armitage looks at him blankly, obviously hiding his emotions, before he goes, “Yeah, alright,” and shifts to kneel by Ben’s hip. Ben chews on his lip ring as Armitage wraps his perfect, slender fingers around Ben’s half-hard dick, stroking him gently before leaning over him to mouth at his head. Ben sighs happily and settles a hand on Armitage’s knee, thumb stroking soft skin. Armitage takes his time, the fucking tease, pressing careful, open mouth kisses all across Ben’s dick, his hand sliding up and down his length slowly, taking his time to map out every bit of him. Again, Ben thinks maybe Armitage thinks Ben’ll get tired of him, will leave him for someone else if they’re apart for too long. Those words press at the back of his teeth, threatening to break out. He holds out a little longer, murmuring, “Quit playing, babe.”

Armitage snorts, but does open his mouth wide to swallow down the head of Ben’s cock. Ben groans and squeezes Armitage’s knee, trying his best to encourage Armitage, to let him know that he’s loved even if Ben doesn’t actually say the words.

It’s not a bad blow job. It’s definitely good because Ben loves Armitage, loves everything about him, but it’s definitely a virgin sucking his dick. Armitage is too gentle, too careful of his teeth, his hand too soft around the base of Ben’s dick. It still makes Ben fully hard, Armitage’s careful teasing combined with the fact that this is his first time sucking a dick too good for Ben.

Armitage sits up after a couple of minutes, licking his lips. He says, “This is not the most comfortable thing to do.”

Ben laughs, saying, “You can stop if you want,” and grins, making grabby hands at him. Armitage rolls his eyes but tucks himself against Ben’s side, under his arm, and allows Ben to roll against him, wrapping around him, holding him tight. Armitage is so fucking hard, his dick pressed against Ben’s thigh, a solid admittance of how much Armitage likes him.

“How do you want me to fuck you?” Ben asks, resting his forehead against Armitage’s.

“I’m—I want you on top,” Armitage says, voice firm, decisive. Ben grins.

“Alright,” he says. “I can accept your fetish for missionary.”

Armitage shoves at Ben’s shoulder, bitching, “You arse,” and Ben just laughs at the way Armitage scowls. Ben leans in to smooch Armitage, pressing his mouth chastely against Armitage’s downturned lips.

“I’m just teasing,” Ben says.

“It’s just, I just want to be able to _look_ at you if I’m not going to be able to see you at all until you’re back,” Armitage says, sighing, eyes downturned. His words make Ben’s heart skip a beat, wondering if maybe Armitage loves him back. That would be fucking wonderful, absolutely incredible, and Ben wants it to be true more than anything.

Those words chip at the back of his teeth, desperate to get out.

He says instead, “Okay,” and kisses Armitage once more before nudging him onto his back. Armitage goes willingly, happily, splaying out, sexier than anyone who regularly wears khakis should be. Ben climbs between his legs and reaches to grab his lube from his nightstand.

“Do you want me to finger you?” he asks.

Armitage flushes and glances away before his gaze returns to stare Ben down defiantly as he says, “Yes.”

“What do you say?” Ben teases as he slicks his fingers, being a dick because otherwise he’d be too soft. Armitage just bangs a knee against Ben's arm.

“Just get on with it, you arse,” he says. Ben laughs and trails the tips of two fingers down Armitage's hard on, over his balls, his taint, to his hole. He presses one in, pushing in carefully, tenderly, watching Armitage's eyes flutter closed and his lips part.

“Fuck, you're beautiful,” Ben sighs. Armitage snorts and his pale eyes snap open again, glaring at Ben like he's lying. Ben insists, “I mean it. You're fucking gorgeous, babe.”

Armitage rolls his eyes and says, “Yeah, sure.”

“Don't be such a dick and let me compliment you,” Ben grumbles.

“Stick another in me,” Armitage demands instead. “I’m not going to break.”

“Dick,” Ben says but he complies. Armitage sucks in a deep breath as he does so, eyes sliding shut again, his smart mouth slack with pleasure. Ben thrusts into him slowly, not quite gentle but _caring_ , wanting so much to please this boy he has spread out in front of him. He _loves_ him, wants to tell him that more than anything, those words squirming against any gap there is in his teeth.

He asks instead, “You ready to take my cock yet?”

Armitage heaves a put-upon sigh. Ben knows it's just an act, just Armitage distancing himself from the intimacy between them because he's so unused to the idea that someone could actually _care_ for him.

“Mess with my prostate for a bit first,” Armitage orders. Ben cant help but laugh a little at how _bossy_ Armitage is during sex when he's not as nervous. It's great; he loves it, thinks it's the funniest shit, so utterly in-character for him. Armitage, his boyfriend, his StarKiller—a powerbottom. Ben is not surprised by this revelation in the least.

He does do his best to find Armitage's prostate, stroking Armitage's insides with his fingers until Armitage gasps and his dick jumps.

“There,” Armitage breathes. “Fuck.”

A slow grin curls across Ben's face, satisfied with Armitage's response. He wasn't joking when he told Armitage that he's gorgeous; he is, absolutely. Ben loves every bit of him: his slender frame, his bright hair, his reflective eyes and his freckles and his sharp personality. 

He focuses on touching Armitage, refusing to let those words breach his lips, until Armitage is tense and leaking, his back arched.

“Alright,” Armitage gasps an eternity later, “fuck me.”

“Yessir,” Ben says, sliding his fingers out of Armitage. He lets Armitage catch his breath as he slicks his own dick, taking time to stroke himself, enjoying the feel of his own hand. He's not a two-pump chump by any stretch of the imagination, but he's never been quite so gone for someone before and Armitage is so fucking perfect for him. He needs a minute to chill the fuck out himself.

“Come on, come on,” Armitage urges. As much as he adores Armitage, Ben still rolls eyes at him, grinning as he grabs onto the underside of Armitage's knee, spreading him open. He watches Armitage's face as he breaches him, watches how his eyebrows pull together in discomfort, his lips set in a determined line. His little StarKiller, so stubborn, so beautiful.

Armitage groans softly as Ben bottoms out, not quite pleasure but not quite pain either.

“God,” Armitage breathes, “how did I forget that you're massive?”

Ben laughs and leans over Armitage to drop a kiss on the tip of his nose, adoring how Armitage scowls at him, at the affection.

“Do you want me to go slow?” Ben asks.

“No,” Armitage snaps back immediately, so stubborn. “I want to feel it the entire time you’re gone.”

Ben laughs at that and goes slow anyway, rolling his hips against Armitage’s ass, shifting within him _carefully_. Armitage whaps him in the shoulder and demands, “Fuck me like you mean it.”

“No,” Ben says, smirking, taunting Armitage as he expresses how much he loves him even though he avoids those words. Armitage groans and whaps at him again, the dick. Ben pulls out far enough to thrust back in hard, knocking the breath from Armitage’s lungs.

Armitage gasps, moaning, “Yes, like that,” and Ben goes back to gently fucking him, slow and careful.

“You dick, you utter cock,” Armitage bitches, squeezing Ben’s biceps, head tilted back to expose all that perfect, pale throat. Ben laughs again and kisses his way across Armitage’s collar bone.

Ben gives in. He _wants_ to please Armitage, to give him anything he asks for, and he asked for this, demanded it like he deserves it. Ben picks up the pace, snapping his hips against Armitage’s to make him feel every thrust. Armitage groans, utterly pleased, one hand snaking between them to stroke his own cock. Ben tucks his nose against Armitage’s throat, enveloping him, covering him completely, hiding him away from the world.

“There,” Armitage breathes. “That’s more like it.”

He moans then and the sound drives a spike of pleasure through Ben’s guts. He sounds so amazing, so hot, and only Ben knows this about him. Ben will keep this close to his heart, this perfect moment where Armitage is all his, and he’ll cherish it forever.

Ben wants nothing more than to cherish _Armitage_ forever.

Armitage arches up against Ben, groaning again, the hand not on his dick clawing at Ben’s shoulder. He gasps, “Fuck, _God_ ,” pulled tight with his impending orgasm under Ben.

Ben kisses Armitage’s throat, drags his teeth against the soft skin there oh so gently, just the barest hint of a bite.

“God, fuck, _Ben_ ,” Armitage moans, digging his nails into Ben’s shoulder. “Harder. _Please_.”

Ben slams into him, listening as Armitage’s noises shoot up an octave, desperate and needy. He’s clutching at Ben’s shoulder so hard it hurts and Ben is _so close_.

“ _Please_ ,” Armitage whispers again, like he’s begging for Ben to remember him. Ben can’t help it; he bites down on the meat of Armitage’s shoulder as he comes, fighting those words, desperate to keep them locked in. Armitage makes a little, surprised _ah-ah_ noise, then whimpers. His orgasm takes Ben by surprise, a splatter of come hitting him on the underside of his chin, Armitage shooting all the way up to their throats.

Ben sighs as he finishes, kissing the bite mark he left on Armitage.

“You arse,” Armitage moans, pressing two fingers to the red mark Ben’s teeth left, pushing down on it like he wants to feel the pain. “That _hurt_.”

“Sorry,” Ben says. He _is_ , mostly. Armitage dresses in such a way that he doesn’t think the bite mark will be easily visible to his parents but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

But he does like knowing that Armitage is marked as _his_ , inside and out.

It takes a couple moments while they catch their breath again before Armitage admits, “I liked it.”

Ben laughs and kisses Armitage’s barred throat some more, little hints of teeth all over.

“Masochist,” Ben teases, nipping at Armitage’s collar bone. Armitage groans in such a way that Ben’s sure he’s rolling his eyes too.

“Get something to clean me up with,” Armitage demands, patting Ben’s shoulder. Ben grins and nips at Armitage’s throat one more time before he sits up to pull out. Armitage breathes a groan as Ben slips free, eyes closed, face slack. He sighs, “Fuck,” a final time as Ben climbs over his leg, off the bed.

“You gonna feel it like you wanted?” Ben asks. Armitage groans again as he stretches.

“Yes,” he says, sounding entirely too smug. “I think you did quite nicely.”

Ben snorts and scrubs the jizz off his neck with a towel before coming back to the bed to hand it over to Armitage, who lazily wipes at his chest with a corner of it.

“Come lay back down with me,” Armitage says once he’s done, smiling sweetly at Ben, sweeter than Ben has ever seen him. Those words almost fall off his tongue.

“Shouldn’t I be taking you home now?” Ben asks instead.

“In a moment,” Armitage says, eyes falling closed before he asks, “Don’t you want cuddles?”

Ben’s back in bed next to him immediately, scooping him up, pulling Armitage against his chest. Armitage laughs and wraps his arms around Ben in return, holding on just as tight.

\---

Ben texts him a picture of the scratch marks Armitage left on his shoulder the next morning, the morning of his flight, with a wink emoji. Armitage feels a little bad for hurting him, but Ben seems so fucking pleased with the lines, deep enough to have scabbed over in places, so he tries not to. A deeper part of him is happy to have left his mark on Ben, to have claimed him the same way Ben claimed Armitage himself.

Then he get a text from an unknown number, a selfie of Ben grinning like an idiot, the Eiffel Tower lurking over his shoulder.

Armitage looks at the picture over and over on his breaks, warm, fluttery feelings filling his chest.

Ben sends him more pictures: landmarks and shops and old alleyways, whatever Ben thinks is interesting. It helps Armitage not feel quite so alone, though he misses Ben terribly already.

He has Friday off and lounges around working on his fic in one of Ben’s plain black jumpers. He’s so deep in his prose he jumps when the door to the garage slams, signalling his father coming home. He quietly closes his laptop, hiding his fic away, and tries not to look guilty as his father walks into the front room where he sits.

“No work today, Armitage?” his father asks.

“No sir,” he replies.

“And what have you done today?”

Armitage pulls the sleeves of Ben's jumper over his hands, curling them into fists around the extra fabric. He says, “Laundry, mostly. I also unloaded the dishwasher.”

His father eyes him critically, like he's not good enough. It's his father's usual attitude towards him; Armitage is used to not being enough, but he can still feel the anxiety welling up in his chest.

“What is that?” his father asks.

“What is what?” Armitage asks in return, genuinely confused. He doesn't flinch when his father steps in close, or when he yanks on the collar of the jumper Armitage wears, but he does blanch when his father digs his thumb into the bruise on his shoulder and hisses, “This.”

“It's, it's nothing,” he lies. “I was hit with something at work.”

“Was it that girl?” his father snaps, leaning so close that Armitage can see the capillaries burst with rage.

“No!”

“Then who?”

“No one!”

His father steps back and Armitage almost thinks he'll drop it, but then he holds out his hand and says, so very coldly, “Your phone.”

Armitage fights to keep his face neutral, but he can't help how his lips tighten and his eyes burn as he hands over his phone, full of lovely texts from his boyfriend on holiday. He sits, pulled tight as he waits for the blade to drop.

“Leave,” his father says, tossing Armitage's phone onto the couch next to him. “You have twenty minutes.”

Then he walks away. Armitage scrambles up, breathing hard, his heart like a rock between his straining lungs. He scoops up his laptop and phone and all but runs to his room.

Ben picks up on the third ring. Armitage can hear the echoes of loud music in the background and Ben sounds so happy when he goes, “Hey, babe! This is a surprise.”

Armitage sniffs, his face wobbling, and Ben can tell because he instantly sobers as he asks, “What's wrong?”

“I,I—” Armitage takes a deep breath but he still sounds wretched when he says, “I’ve been kicked out.”

“Shit,” Ben says. “Fuck.”

Armitage laughs a little, bitter, and pulls his suitcase from the closet. He flings it open as Ben sighs loud through the phone, a blast of static.

“Okay,” Ben says, “I'm coming home.”

“I have to leave immediately,” Armitage tells him.

“Oh. _Fuck_. Okay, okay. I’ll call the Knights. Someone will come get you, okay? Just hold tight.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. I'm gonna hang up now.”

“Okay.”

Then Ben says, “I love you,” and Armitage chokes on a sob.

“I love you too, you arse,” he says back, voice thin as the first tear slips free. He hangs up before Ben can say anything else and starts shoving everything important into his suitcase.

An eternity later, Ben calls him back. Armitage doesn't even get anything out before Ben says, “Kiara’s on her way. She's about half an hour out.”

“I can't, I can't be here any longer. I have to leave,” Armitage tells him.

“Okay, fuck, uh,” Ben says. “Where do you want her to meet you?”

“I'll start walking towards my work. There?”

“Okay. I'll let her know.”

“Okay.”

“I love you,” Ben says again, and he sounds so sweet, so sincere. Armitage has no idea what he did to win him over. He doesn't trust this to last but he really hopes it does. He really does love Ben, quite a bit already.

“I love you too.”

His father is not in the front room as Armitage goes to leave. He strips the house key from his key ring and sets it on the sideboard by the door, steels himself, and _leaves_ , forever.

He only stands out front of his work for about ten minutes, nose running, before he gets a call from an unknown number. He hesitates, but answers anyway.

“Hello?” he says tentatively.

“Hey,” a warm alto voice says. “You're Armitage, right? Where are you? What do you look like?”

“I'm, I'm ginger. I'm standing to the left of the front doors.”

“Okay. I'm in a shitty, old, blue car. Be there in a sec!”

And then she hangs up. Armitage scans the incoming cars, keeping his eyes peeled for the one that matches her description. He perks up as he sees it and it pulls to a slow stop right in front of him.

The passenger side window rolls down and a petite brown woman with vibrant blue hair leans across the seat to grin at him, asking, “Where’re you headed, stranger.”

“Anywhere but here,” he tells her. She gestures for him to come on so he opens the door to the back seat and shoves his suitcase in. Her car is blissfully warm when he slides into the front seat, the heaters on full blast.

“You doing alright?” she asks, voice soft. Armitage laughs, a short, bitter bark of mirth.

“No,” he tells her.

He expects her to apologize, like it’s her fault his father is a homophobe, but she just says, “That sucks. Wanna get some food?”

Armitage just stares at her, a little shocked by her response. She pulls out of the parking lot, leaned forward in her seat, then looks over at him when he doesn’t respond. She grins, and there’s a little metal ring on the inside of her lip, resting flat against her front teeth.

“I’m the mom friend,” she tells him. “Every situation looks brighter on a full stomach. There’s a good taco truck by my place and I’m always a slut for tacos. You?”

“Alright,” Armitage says.

“Cool. Ben says you haven’t eaten a lot of—” she air quotes. “—’interesting’ food.”

“I’ve had tacos before,” Armitage grumbles.

“But have you had _real_ tacos?”

Armitage scowls at her. She shoots him a grin, sunny and warm.

“Who are you, anyway?” Armitage asks instead of properly answering, because her response makes him doubt that he has.

“Kiara Mendoza, at your service,” she says, twirling her hand and ducking her head, bowing like an old stage magician. Armitage can’t help but smile a little, her exuberant nature infectious.

She talks to him about nothing, asking questions about the music he likes and the shows he watches and the things he writes. It’s not until they pull up next to a silver food truck that he realizes she’s trying to distract him from the shit situation he’s found himself in. His heart petrifies in his chest again as they climb out of her car. He’s no longer at his parents’ house, out of immediate danger, but he doesn’t really have anywhere to go from here. He's _fucked_.

His eyes start to burn again as Kiara orders them food in rapid Spanish. When she's done, she leans against the truck and smiles at him, not the roguish grin she has been shooting his way, something softer.

“When do you work next?” she asks.

“Fuck,” Armitage says. “Tomorrow.” 

What is he even going to do? He could call out, but he can't do that forever. He doesn't even know where he's going to be staying tonight, let alone the bus route he’ll need to get to work in the morning.

Kiara nods and says, “Dinah has Saturdays off. I'll see if she can drive you. It should be fine, don't worry.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” Armitage asks, too candid.

“Trust us,” she says. “You're not alone in this.”

“You don't _know_ me though! How can you just _accept_ some stranger?”

Kiara shrugs, gaze dropping to Armitage's feet.

“Ben got me out of a bad situation too,” she says softly before she meets his eyes again and smiles, adding, “so I owe him.”

Armitage just stares at her. That can't be the only reason. She just jumped in her car with no notice to rescue his miserable self even though she knows nothing about him, _just because_. 

The cook slides a stack of paper plates wrapped in foil to them and thanks them in Spanish. Kiara thanks him in return as she grabs their order, bright and happy again.

Back in the car, Kiara hands him the plates and says, “Ben is a pretty good judge of character and he likes you a lot, so you must be pretty alright. If he trusts you, so do we. Dinah and Aria like you too, and Moira thinks you're hilarious.” She shrugs and pulls out of the car park. “Quit doubting that people can be nice just because. Not everyone is our parents.”

That hits him right in the fossilized lump that is his heart. His face wobbles and the words stick in his throat for a moment, claws digging into his esophagus, but eventually he asks, “How do you get past something like this?”

“With help,” Kiara says, repeating, “You're not alone in this. Just trust us, okay?”

Armitage nods, not trusting his voice.

Kiara’s apartment is a tidy little one bedroom with shelves full of books and knick knacks dominating the front room. She leads him to the old, very nineties couch, and he sets their food on the coffee table in front of it. She peels off the foil and the tacos they have don't look anything like what he's had before.

“They're so _small_ ,” he says. Kiara laughs.

“They're good though,” she says, then points to each plate as she tells him, “That one's lengua and this is cabeza.”

“Which is?”

She grins at him wickedly, actually seeming in line with Ben's friends for the first time.

“Tongue and head, respectively,” she says. Armitage shudders.

“I don't like either of those options.”

She laughs and asks, “How can you say that when you haven't tried them?”

“I already have one tongue in my mouth. I don't need more,” he says, “and I definitely don't want to eat _face_.”

She cackles at that, bright and ugly like a witch.

“It's good though,” she promises him, squeezing a lime wedge over the contents of the plates.

Armitage steels himself and takes one of the tongue tacos, the less offensive of the two, plunging in head first with a big bite. Kiara grins at him and, once he gets past the instinctual gag reflex of _knowing_ what he’s putting in his mouth is tongue, it’s pretty good. The meat has an odd texture but it’s flavourful, the sharp bite of the lime a fantastic top note. It’s much better than the sad tacos Maratelle has made before. He eats the rest of it a little easier and takes a second.

“Told you,” Kiara says, utterly smug. 

\---

It’s just past five a.m. and Ben has barely slept. He managed a couple of hours between the time he left the club when Armitage called and now, but it was shit sleep and he doesn’t feel any better. His mom had convinced him to not immediately rush to the airport, asking him if he thought Armitage really wanted Ben to run in to save him. Ben had conceded to the fact that Armitage is stubborn and would probably want to rescue himself.

That doesn’t mean he’s not going to call a meeting of his Knights to try and _help_ Armitage.

Which is why he’s up instead of trying (and probably failing with how worried he is) to get some more sleep. Kiara promised to call him once the Knights assembled so they could figure out what to do. He’s sitting cross legged on the bed, his laptop in front of him, drinking the coffee he ordered from room service to try and wake up.

The call comes in. The first ring doesn’t even finish before he answers.

There, crammed in on Kiara’s shitty couch, are Kiara, Dinah, Moira, Isabell, and, right in the middle looking way out of his depth, Armitage.

“Hey,” Ben says. Armitage’s lips turn up just the slightest amount while his Knights (and Isabell) return his greeting. He watches Armitage as he says, “How are you holding up, babe?”

Armitage’s lips tighten and he looks away from Kiara’s webcam as he says, “Fine,” like a liar. Ben lets it go; he knows how stubborn Armitage is, knows how he refuses to look weak. He’s sure Armitage wants to save face in front of Ben’s friends, so he just… lets it go. He’ll get Armitage on the phone alone later, will talk to him one on one and ask him how he really feels, will make sure Armitage knows Ben is there for him. But for now…

“What’s the plan?” he asks instead.

Kiara jumps in immediately, saying, “Dinah is going to take Armitage to work in the morning and he’s going to sleep here tonight. Other than that, we don’t know.”

“Okay. I’m gonna try to get a flight home asap,” Ben says. “I’m sure my parents won’t mind if you stay with us until we find a place of our own.”

“No,” Armitage says simply. Ben’s eyebrows tug together briefly in confusion, but he quickly schools his face so he doesn’t look angry.

“I don’t mind driving you to work every day,” Ben says slowly, trying to work out why, exactly, Armitage is refusing.

“No,” Armitage says again, digging in his heels.

Ben does scowl this time as he asks, “ _Why_?”

He watches Armitage curl his hands into fists over his knees, fingers wrapping around his sweater paws. That’s _Ben’s_ sweater he’s wearing, Ben realizes; it’s black and baggy on him, the collar stretched out. Ben can just barely see a hint of yellow-brown bruise and suddenly he knows the trigger for what went down.

“I don’t want to live with you,” Armitage says, looking unhappy. Moira goes, “Ouch,” a beat before Armitage continues, adding, “Not at in your parents’ house.”

“Why not?” Ben asks. “It’s the simplest solution.”

“I just—I don’t want to.” Armitage’s lips turn down further and then he says, in a small voice, “It makes me uncomfortable.”

Ben takes that as his family makes Armitage uncomfortable which, yeah, okay, he gets that. It took Kiara a long time to stop flinching every time his parents got loud, which they do a lot.

“What about a hotel?” Ben asks.

“No,” Armitage says once again. Ben has to fight not to roll his eyes.

“I could just get you your own place,” he offers—threatens almost—and is completely unsurprised when Armitage says, “Absolutely not.”

“Well then, what _do_ you want to do?” Ben asks, trying _so fucking hard_ not to snap at him. “You can’t just go back to your parents’ house.”

“I know that!” Armitage bites out, cold eyes flashing. Kiara tenses next to him, drumming her fingers on her thighs, and Moira shrugs.

“You could couch surf with us,” she suggests. Armitage heaves a sigh and Moira adds, “Well, you could! We have a couch, Kiara has a couch, Dinah and Aria have a couch. Sebastian doesn’t but I’m sure Alex and their boyfriend would be alright with you crashing at their place too.”

“But how would I get to work?” Armitage asks.

“We’ll find you rides,” Ben says. “I’ll drive you or I’ll get you a Lyft or something.” Armitage scowls, obviously hating this answer, so Ben adds, “You’re not leaving us a whole lot of options, babe.”

Dinah says, “You work at Target, right? Why not see if you could transfer?”

“See, this is why you’re the smart one.” Moira nudges her with a grin.

“I don’t know if I would be able to,” Armitage says.

“You won’t know until you try,” Kiara tells him, voice soft and kind to counter his pessimism. Armitage chews on his lip, eyes downcast. 

“I’ll talk to my manager tomorrow,” he says after a moment. He looks so broken, upset that his world has come crashing down in the worst possible way. He _should_ be upset, but Ben should be there to _help_. Instead, he’s on the complete other side of the planet, too far away to hold his boyfriend and tell him everything will be alright. He can practically feel Armitage clutching at his ribs like he has every time Ben has held him, and Ben _hates_ Armitage’s parents for doing this to him.

But it’ll be fine. Armitage has Ben and his Knights. They’ll make this work and then they’ll get their own apartment somewhere and they’ll live happily ever after.

\---

Armitage is at the airport with Dinah, waiting for Ben. It’s half past four in the morning and he’s jittery, too much coffee and not enough sleep. Too much worry for his life and too much want for Ben. It’s been four days since his father kicked him out and all he’s spent the entire time wanting nothing more to hide away in Ben’s arms. He _hates_ it, hates that he wants to run away, hates that he wishes he wasn’t so stubborn and could stand to let Ben solve all his problems.

 _Kylo: deboarding now_  
_Kylo: my suitcase should be coming out of baggage claim 8_  
Armitage: We’ll meet you there.  
_Kylo: <3_

He tells Dinah what he told Ben and they wander towards the correct baggage carousel, eyes towards the gates. Ben is easy to spot with how tall he is, dressed all in black as usual. Armitage can see the instant Ben spots him, his boyfriend perking up and picking up speed as he makes his way towards the baggage carousel.

Armitage is nervous. It’s _stupid_ ; this is just Ben, _his_ Ben, his _boyfriend_. He shouldn’t be _nervous_.

But then, he did fly back almost a week early from his vacation because of Armitage, _for_ Armitage, to help him, to _take care of_ him. Armitage is not quite sure he’s ready for that level of commitment so soon in their relationship, in his _first_ relationship.

So he’s nervous.

Then Ben wraps him up in a hug, squeezing Armitage tight against his chest, his big nose buried in Armitage’s neck, right where the last hints of that fucking bite mark still faintly colour his skin.

“Hey,” Ben murmurs, muffled.

“Hullo.”

Ben rubs his face against Armitage’s shoulder, inhaling deep before sighing, “Fuck, I missed you.” Then he pulls back, hands on Armitage’s shoulders, holding him at arm’s length as he just _looks_ at him. After a moment, he asks, “How’re you holding up?”

Armitage scowls and bats Ben’s hands away, biting out, “I’m _fine_ ,” even though that’s a lie, even though he’s sure Ben _knows_ that’s a lie. He glares at Ben, daring Ben to call him out on it, but he doesn’t. Ben just touches Armitage’s cheek, eyes soft as he says, “Okay.”

Armitage looks away. He _has to_ , unable to take Ben’s acceptance. His eyes burn; he’s never going to be used to someone taking his words at face value, _trusting_ him to be honest, even if he takes his time about it. 

Ben’s big hand is warm against Armitage’s jaw, comforting as he just holds it there, touching Armitage so casually. Armitage hesitates, fingers clenched in tight fists, before he steps back against Ben’s chest, hands at his ribs. Ben wraps back around him immediately, rocking him just slightly as Armitage’s face crumples against his shoulder.

Armitage _lets_ Ben hold him, lets _himself_ take comfort from it, squeezed so tight against Ben Armitage has practically crawled into his skin with him. Ben would let him, he’s sure. Ben would let him do just about anything, he’s sure of it. For now, Armitage just takes Ben’s arms around him, wrapping up in his embrace like there’s no one else in the world, and uses him to patch up his fragile sense of self, uses him to dam up the emotions threatening to flood him.

“Do you have work today?” Ben asks, the words soft. Armitage shakes his head _no_ , not trusting his voice. Ben kisses Armitage’s temple and says, “Cool. Spend the day with me?”

Armitage nods and finally, _finally_ pulls away, sniffing, pretending his eyes aren’t glassy-wet with those emotions he’s trying so hard not to feel. Ben touches Armitage’s cheek and Armitage just _can’t fucking look at him_ , staring at Ben’s soft mouth instead, at how he smiles and how his teeth are a little crooked and how his lip is a little chapped right around where his jewelry comes out of it. He focuses on the little things, tiny details to distract him, because maybe, if he takes things one small step at a time, he won’t fall completely apart.

“I think that’s your bag, Ben,” Dinah says. Ben looks away from Armitage, turning his head towards the carousel even as his hands stay on his boyfriend. Armitage follows his gaze and there, on the belt, is a hideously pink suitcase with a coffin shaped luggage tag. Ben pulls his hands from Armitage, stepping up to the baggage carousel. Armitage closes his eyes and breathes, waiting patiently for Ben’s return, waiting patiently for his own demise, whichever comes first.

Ben takes Armitage’s hand in his and, together with Dinah, they walk out of the airport. It’s still dark outside as they make their way through the parking garage to Dinah’s car. She opens the boot and Kylo hefts his suitcase into it before he asks Armitage, “Sit in the back with me?” like _Ben_ is the emotionally compromised one.

Armitage does and Ben holds his hand the entire drive back to Ben’s house, eyes closed. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t offer platitudes or forced kindness or anything, just stays there with Armitage, thumb stroking Armitage’s knuckles, the only sign Ben is even _awake_.

When they get there, Ben’s house is quiet, different in the early morning, lit with the creeping grey fingers of spring dawn. The stairs down to the basement are still a pool of black and Armitage finds it comforting. He can almost pretend they’re hiding away to steal small moments before Armitage returns to his mundane life.

Ben doesn’t even bother to shut his bedroom door before he starts pulling on Armitage’s clothes, getting him to undress. Once Armitage starts stripping, unable to help laughing softly, Ben follows suit and together they climb under the covers. Ben pulls them all the way up, over their heads, pressing his forehead against Armitage’s so their breath mingles.

“I missed you,” Ben murmurs, fingers stroking Armitage’s cheek. Then: “I love you.”

Armitage has said it before, replied in kind to Ben’s sweet words, but they stick in his throat now that Ben is before him, saying those things to him in person. All he can force out is a small squeak, his eyes burning again, like they have any time he’s paused to breathe for the last _four days_.

Ben says it again: “I love you,” his voice soft but determined, like he’s going to fix everything wrong with Armitage through sheer force of will.

Armitage sniffs and makes that miserable little sound in the back of his throat again. Ben tilts Armitage's face and presses their lips together. It's so _soft_. Armitage can't stand it. He doesn't _deserve_ this, doesn't deserve someone who loves him like this, doesn't deserve _Ben_. He's an arsehole and a loser, mean and bitter and _un-fucking-lovable_.

A tear finally slips free, the first of its kind, and Armitage clutches at Ben's shoulders. He sniffs and makes that fucking noise again, lips pressed tight together to seal his sobs away. Their noses bump against each other and Ben brushes his fingers against Armitage's cheek. Armitage can't fucking look at him, can’t fucking handle being held so gently, like he might break. He _is_ breaking though, cracking across his most fragile parts, ready to shatter.

But the way Ben touches him, thumb brushing away a tear, tells him that Ben will build him back up again, filling the gaps with gold—maybe not _better_ but _whole_ once more.

He sounds like shit but those words do finally fall from his lips: “I love you,” and Ben surges against him, kissing him hard.

“I love you so fucking much,” Ben tells him, voice low, almost dangerous, that intensity he has bubbling up to the surface. “You were meant for me. You're _perfect_ for me.”

Armitage laughs a little, bitter laugh, unable to believe Ben. He's not _perfect_ ; he's too thin and too cold and too mean, closeted and chronically ill.

Except he's not, not really, not any more. He’ll always be ill, but here, under the covers, he's warm and cared for, naked with his _boyfriend_. He doesn't have to hide what he is anymore, doesn't have to hide _who_ he is anymore. Another tear slips free and he laughs again, the sound almost a sob, but he's smiling.

It will take work but he'll be alright.


	12. Chapter 12

Ben wakes up in their bed slowly, early summer sun coming in through the window he’s facing. He’s too warm but so fucking happy. Armitage is there still, laying on his side facing Ben, on his phone. The glow of the screen makes his eyes look silver and they flick over to Ben as Ben stretches.

“Hey,” Ben says. “What are you up to?”

Armitage's silver eyes drop back to his phone as he says, “Reading.”

“Fanfic?”

Armitage scowls and Ben laughs at him, gently taking Armitage's phone, tucking it under his pillows for safe keeping. He rolls towards Armitage, nudging him over onto his back, and kisses the corner of his mouth.

“I'll show you something better than fanfic,” Ben says, voice low, sultry, teasing. Armitage rolls his eyes and shoves at Ben's shoulder.

“I haven't showered yet today,” Armitage says.

“Shower here. Shower with me.”

“My suitcase is still at Dinah and Aria’s.”

Ben tucks his nose against Armitage's neck and inhales. He says, “You smell fine,” then licks up Armitage's throat, grinning when Armitage shoves at him again. “You taste fine, too.”

“You disgusting brute,” Armitage grumbles, wiping at his spit-damp neck with the edge of the blanket, his nose all wrinkled up. Ben slides his hand down Armitage's chest, the movement slow and careful, until he can brush his fingertips through Armitage's pubes and over his soft dick. He settles his hand there, palm covering Armitage's dick entirely. He can feel Armitage thicken even as he says, “Insatiable. At least wait until I’ve properly moved in too.”

“I told you we should have gotten it last night,” Ben says, stroking his thumb along the crease of Armitage's thigh.

“We moved you in first thing in the morning, then I went to work,” Armitage grumbles. “I was _tired_.”

“Are you tired now?”

“No, but—”

Ben kisses him, effectively shutting him up.

“Let's break in the new place then,” he murmurs. Armitage heaves a sigh but he's steadily hardening against Ben's palm. Ben rubs his hand along the length of him, smirking when Armitage's breath stutters.

“I can't believe you,” Armitage grouses, pretending to be irritated.

“You didn't want to last night,” Ben says, just waiting for Armitage to give in. He hasn't said no yet, which, for him, tends to mean yes; Ben doesn't get why Armitage pretends to be resistant to his charms but he knows Armitage will tell him when he's not interested.

“I was _tired_!” Armitage says again.

“Are you tired now?” Ben repeats. He has to admit, he does enjoy chasing after Armitage like this. He knows he'll win in the end but it is fun. Armitage lets him be bullheaded and pushy, seems to like it even, seems to like putting up a fight and letting Ben wear him down.

Armitage sighs.

“No.”

Ben kisses him again then asks, “Wanna fuck me?”

Armitage pulls away, staring at Ben with narrowed eyes, suspicious, mouth set in a firm line. It takes a moment for him to flush, eyes dropping as he sucks his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing on it.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Ben tells him, smiling. His hesitation is cute. It's unusual for him, seeing Armitage anything less than fully committed to something.

“You mean me putting my dick into you?” Armitage continues, seeking further clarification. Ben laughs.

“ _Yes_.”

“Oh, er,” Armitage goes. “Are you—I mean, yeah, alright, sure.”

Ben snickers and kisses his boyfriend some more, squeezing his dick, the dick that will soon be in him. He didn't mean to save this last shred of Armitage's virginity until now, but it's fitting, he thinks, that they're going to do this now, here, their first morning in their little two bedroom apartment with practically nothing but boxes in it.

“Is the lube even unpacked?” Armitage asks.

“Yeah,” Ben says. “I put it in with my toiletries when I packed so I could find it.”

“You _planned_ this,” Armitage says, scowling at Ben, mock upset. Ben laughs some more and says, “Yup.”

Armitage sighs and says, “You're impossible.”

“You wouldn't love me if I wasn't.”

Armitage rolls his hips against Ben's hand and closes his eyes, giving in.

“Okay,” he says. “Get me hard then.”

Ben surges against Armitage at his demand, the hand on Armitage's dick sliding over to his hip as Ben pulls their bodies together, kissing him hard. Armitage moans, fingers tight around Ben's bicep, nails digging little crescent moons into his skin. Ben grinds against him, slotting one thigh between Armitage's own, pressing up against his balls. He covers Armitage almost completely, so much bigger than him, and Ben likes that too, likes that he can maneuver Armitage to his liking and that Armitage will _let_ him.

Armitage is gloriously hard against Ben's hip, velvet soft and so fucking warm. Ben kisses across Armitage's cheek and Armitage's tilts his head, presenting his neck. Ben smirks, just a little, and sucks a hickey onto the meat of Armitage's shoulder, low enough to be hidden. He knows Armitage is still uncomfortable with the whole world knowing he has sex, but Ben has left marks on him a couple of times now and Armitage always plays with them, so he's pretty sure Armitage likes it.

Ben pulls away enough to bump his nose against Armitage's and Armitage's hand immediately gravitates to the hickey Ben just left on him, pressing against it.

“Blow me,” Armitage orders. Ben laughs at him, but scoots down between Armitage's thighs anyway to mouth at Armitage's dick. He's completely taken with Armitage's foreskin, the way it's still soft and squishy even when Armitage's is fully hard. He presses his lips to it, over and over, kissing all across Armitage's dick until Armitage tugs on his hair and grumbles, “ _Blow me_.”

Ben laughs some more, licking up the length of Armitage's dick before he swallows down the head. Armitage breathes a groan and brushes the back of his fingers over Ben's freshly shaved sides before he tucks those fingers through the back of his hawk and _tugs_ , pulling Ben's head down further onto his dick. Ben lets him; he likes that Armitage will be a little rough with him, likes that Armitage wants to fuck his face, wants to take control from him as often as he gives it up.

Armitage rolls his hips against Ben's face, gently, careful to not actually choke Ben. Ben rolls his own hips against the mattress, moaning around his mouthful.

“Finger me too,” Armitage sighs out after a while.

Ben pulls away to murmur, “So bossy,” against Armitage's dick, stroking it slowly under his lips.

“Piss off,” Armitage grumbles. Ben laughs but climbs back up Armitage's body to pull the lube from their side table. He wiggles it at Armitage, grinning, and Armitage scoffs as he looks away, like Ben showed him something truly filthy.

He hunkers back down between Armitage's thighs as soon as he's slicked his fingers, pressing one into Armitage as he swallows Armitage's cock once more. Armitage groans and cants his hips up, weight on his heels and shoulders.

“More,” Armitage breathes, and Ben adds a second finger, crooking them up. He knows the instant he finds Armitage's prostate; Armitage chokes on air and precome blooms on Ben's tongue. He puts his focus there, stroking Armitage's insides until he's shaking and pulling at Ben's hair again, begging him to stop.

“I'm going to come,” Armitage warns. “I won't be able to fuck you.”

Ben pulls away to tell him, voice soft and a little raspy, “You can come in my mouth if you want. You don't have to fuck me. I can wait.”

“No, I, I want to,” Armitage says, “so stop.”

Ben pulls away with a final kiss to the squishy part of Armitage's dick, stealthily wiping his fingers on the sheets where Armitage won't see. He kisses Armitage’s soft stomach next, just over his navel, then his ribs, then his left nipple, up to the hickey Ben had already left on him, and laughs when Armitage huffs and drags his face in for a proper kiss.

Ben brushes the tips of their noses together and asks, “How do you want me?”

Armitage visibly thinks about it, his gaze drifting down to Ben’s mouth. He strokes the side of Ben’s face too, and Ben loves it, loves _him_ , loves how Armitage loves him back, loves this little life they’ve built for themselves in the nine-ish months they’ve known each other.

Ben’s almost startled when Armitage says, “I want you on your back,” but he still grins, victorious. He’s thought about this skinny, mean twink plowing into him just like this for _ages_ now. He can’t fucking wait.

He immediately flops onto his back next to Armitage, who gives him a dirty look when he also inadvertently yanks the covers to the side. Armitage does, however, come to hover over him, looking ever so slightly nervous now that he’s presented with Ben fully nude and waiting for him. He picks up the bottle of lube and rolls it in his hands, chin tucked towards his chest.

“Should I—do you want me to finger you?” he asks after a couple of heart beats.

“Nah,” Ben goes. “I’m not as into it as you are.”

Armitage makes a face that Ben interprets as him _trying_ to scowl instead of smile but failing, lips pinched, nasolabial folds out in full force. Ben _grins_ , so fucking happy that he’s here with this boy who only seems to get better and better.

Armitage swats Ben lightly on the thigh and Ben immediately parts his legs as Armitage rises to his knees. It’s so good to see Armitage climb between his legs, his dick standing at attention. One of Ben’s hands drops down to his own neglected dick, stroking it slowly as he watches Armitage settle, eyes half lidded. He watches Armitage look him over, watches him sigh happily and smile, just a little bit. Ben has learned how Armitage will speak without saying anything; this is a compliment, this silence, Armitage’s own little way of saying he loves Ben. 

Then, the words come: “I love you,” said softly as Armitage strokes the delicate skin of Ben’s inner thigh.

“Love you too, babe,” Ben replies.

Armitage so fucking gently nudges Ben's knees up, scooting closer until Ben's thighs are draped over his own. He smooths his hands down Ben's thighs and Ben spreads them wider, tucking his chin against one shoulder, playing coy as he looks at Armitage from under his eyelashes. Armitage's little smile widens; he looks _happy_ , so fucking happy, relaxing into being an adult who doesn't have to deal with his shit parents anymore, and he's here with _Ben_ , sharing the start of his life with him. Ben can't help but repeat himself, saying again, “I love you.”

And Armitage squeezes Ben's thighs, looking down at him with such caring.

“I,” he says, “am going to fuck you—” Ben laughs, delighted, and Armitage shoots him a dirty look. “—and you'll tell me the instant I do anything wrong, alright?”

“You'll do fine, babe,” Ben promises. Armitage frowns like he disagrees but slicks his cock nonetheless. He doesn't fuck around, doesn't tease Ben any, just lines his dick up with Ben's asshole and _pushes_ , slow even pressure until he breaches Ben. 

He groans, eyes fluttering closed as Ben envelops him. Ben strokes himself lazily as Armitage inches his way deeper and deeper. He's _enjoying_ himself, but mostly because he gets to share in another of Armitage's firsts. Armitage looks fucking beautiful over him like this, flushed from his hairline to his nipples, his beautiful hair in his eyes, lips parted just slightly. Ben _loves_ it, loves _him_ , more than he ever thought he could love someone. He was right, that first day he met Armitage: Armitage is absolutely perfect for him.

Armitage bottoms out and folds over Ben, tucking his face against Ben's collar bone. He sighs, “Fuck,” and it's the best thing Ben has ever heard.

“Enjoying yourself?” Ben asks, amusement evident in his voice.

“Yes, fuck,” Armitage says. “You're so _tight_ , God.”

Ben does laugh at that, saying, “It's been a while.”

Armitage sits up, hovering over Ben with his hands planted by Ben's shoulders, arms straight.

“Do you not fuck yourself when you masturbate?” he asks, and the way he says it, so utterly precise, like he's a doctor or some shit, makes Ben crack up. Armitage scowls and says, “Don't _laugh_ , you arse.”

“Sorry I can't—you're great, babe. I love you.”

Armitage looks too fond to achieve the sour expression he's obviously aiming for. Ben bears down on him and watches as Armitage's faces goes slack again.

“You can move you know,” Ben says, grinning.

“Once you tell me about your masturbatory habits,” Armitage says, hilariously stubborn.

Ben laughs some more and says, “I’m lazy when I jerk off usually. I have a couple things to put in my ass but I don't often bother.”

“I, I—” Armitage stammers, like he has to steel himself before he says, “I think I would like to watch.”

Ben grins, slow and mischievous.

“You wanna watch me fuck myself?” he asks.

Armitage makes deliberate eye contact as he hisses, “ _Yes_.”

Ben shrugs, playing at nonchalant when the idea of Armitage's sharp eyes on him while he works something into himself makes his dick throb in his hand.

“Okay,” he says, oh so casually, then, grinning again, adds, “But I get to watch you do it sometime in return.”

Armitage flushes violently red, eyes darting away before he locks gazes with Ben again.

“Okay,” Armitage says, nodding just slightly, then rolls his hips. Ben groans—he's so _full_. Armitage's dick is not super thick but it's _long_ , reaching up all the way to the back of Ben's throat practically. Armitage fucks him gently and his slow, careful thrusts are great. Ben can read how much Armitage cares for him in how he moves. He's obviously focused on not hurting Ben, even though Ben is sure he already knows asses can take it a little rougher. Armitage loves him though and how sweetly he's treating Ben makes Ben's heart swell.

He reaches up to touch Armitage's face and is thrilled when Armitage immediately nuzzles his cheek against Ben's palm, kissing his fingers. Ben wants to tell Armitage to go harder, wants this asshole to make him feel it, but honestly, he really likes this too. He's been in love before, but Armitage hasn't, and it's another first Ben is sharing with him.

Ben watches Armitage, watches him pant, watches his burnt gold eyelashes flutter, watches the crease between his eyebrows get deeper as he pulls them together. He's concentrating so hard, focused on how it feels good, on making it feel good for Ben, his thrusts measured and even.

The moment stretches into eternity, the two of them silent but for their labored breathing and the sound of skin against skin. Then Armitage asks, stumbling through words, “Can I, can I go—do you want me—harder?”

“Yeah,” Ben says and Armitage snaps his hips against Ben’s ass so hard he practically sees stars, the air punched straight from his lungs in a startled gasp. Armitage breathes a little laugh at that and, as soon as Ben has sucked in enough air, he joins him. The look Armitage gives him at that, the beautiful fucking smile Armitage shoots him at that, is _everything_.

Ben loves him so much.

“Is, is this alright?” Armitage asks, nervous, and Ben loves him _so much_.

“You’re doing great, babe,” Ben promises him, and Armitage goes back to focusing on making them _feel good_.

It’s even better now, with Armitage fucking into Ben like he means it. Ben strokes himself just the way he likes as he takes Armitage’s dick, his body rolling with Armitage’s thrusts like they do this every morning, like it hasn’t been well over a year since the last time he was fucked. Armitage moans with every third thrust and it’s music to Ben’s ears, proof that the boy he loves is enjoying himself just as much as Ben is. It’s _good_ , so good, and Ben can feel his orgasm creep up on him, electric.

Armitage’s rhythm falters and that’s good too, the last shred of Armitage’s virginity gone. He wobbles above Ben for a moment before he collapses onto his elbows, tucking his face back against Ben’s collar bone. He kisses Ben’s skin there, the top of his chest and his shoulder, the side of his neck, little pecks as he catches his breath, hovering over Ben while Ben’s hand flys across his dick.

“Are you close?” Armitage asks, voice low, more sultry than he has any right to sound as someone who still has multiple pairs of khakis. Ben just nods dumbly, hips shifting as he hurtles towards the edge. Armitage fucking _bites him_ , just the way Ben likes, and it’s _perfect_. He shoots his load messily across his fingers and both of their stomachs as he chokes on a moan, hot between them. Armitage doesn’t release his teeth on Ben’s shoulder until Ben’s hand stills and he heaves a sigh, utterly content. Then, and only then, does Armitage pulls away.

Armitage still looks nervous, like he's worried he failed, even though it should be obvious he didn't. Ben hates that look on him, but he's used to it; he's seen it a lot over the past three months, since Armitage's father kicked him out and his world collapsed. Ben just sighs and half laughs, saying, “Fuck.”

Armitage smiles that sweet little smile at him, reassured.

“Fuck,” he says, agreeing.

\---

Ben holds his camera, pointing at the closet instead of Armitage. His boyfriend _finally_ agreed to be in a video. He looks nervous even though Ben promised he wouldn't film his face. Armitage had only agreed when Ben suggested keeping him out of frame, just his (beautiful) hands. They're going to do a _my partner dresses me_ type of video. It's one of the things Armitage is doing for Ben for his birthday.

“Okay,” Ben says, watching the viewfinder. “Do your worst, babe.”

“You do realize I could put you in something truly awful,” Armitage snaps back immediately. Ben laughs.

“Not possible. My wardrobe is very cohesive.”

Armitage sighs but does step over to the closet. Ben films his hands flicking through things hanging up and his hands pulling out the drawers of Ben's dresser and his hands opening various shoe boxes as he decides on what he wants to put Ben in. Armitage draws it out, giving Ben plenty of material to work with.

The outfit he pulls out isn't half bad. It's not something Ben would have put together on his own and it definitely looks like Armitage's style, but goth. He's wearing a black sweater over his eye patterned button up, paired with his favourite ripped up jeans and his one pair of platforms. He lets Armitage film him, panning from head to toe.

“Not bad,” Ben says.

“Not bad,” Armitage echoes.

Ben grins and says, “Now we have to get _you_ to dress like this.”

“Like hell,” Armitage says, laughing. Ben comes in and kisses Armitage, his camera caught between them.

\---

**beautifulbiohazard**  
omg u guys are so cute!!!!

**Lily Grey**  
I love your bf’s accent! Where is he from?

**noxious owl**  
gaaaaaaay 🌈

**adarkandstormyknight**  
your boyfriend isnt goth????? wtf kylo lol

**emily warren**  
love this!!! r u going to do more vids together????? u should!!!!!!!

**a_bright_goodbye**  
cuuuute!!! you should def do more videos together. maybe he could narrate you doing your make up? that would be great with his accent!!

**A Pretty Corpse**  
❤ ❤ ❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there u have it!! im not planning on posting anything new until late march--gotta take a break from actively posting for a bit since ive kinda run out of things that are complete or complete enough to finish real quick lol--so u can follow me on [twitter here](https://twitter.com/bubblegumspook) or on [pillowfort here](https://www.pillowfort.io/sumomomochi). twitter is probs the best place to keep up with me and my writing but i guess theres also the subscribe function here lol. thank u all for reading and commenting and shit ilu

**Author's Note:**

> if u liked this fic retweet my post about it [here](https://twitter.com/bubblegumspook/status/1081730019125125120)!! thank u all so so much for reading ill see u in the next chapter which is not this one because this one is over!! bye~~


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